Community› Wedding Discussion Boards› Wedding Woes
Wedding Woes
New Discussion
Options

My parents are driving me crazy

jessksternjesskstern
First Comment
in Wedding Woes
I got engaged a couple of months ago and my folks offered to fund the wedding, which is really generous of them. We live 3000 miles apart from each other and have been for about 10 years. I'm an event planner/coordinator, and they want to be involved in the planning process, but so much happens fluidly that it's been hard to communicate.

What makes it worse is that everytime we talk, I feel that they shoot down all my ideas (and those of my fiance). So all of our communications related to the wedding are getting more and more negative. It's to the point where I don't even want to talk to them about it because I'm afraid they'll just say no all the time. It's my wedding, but they're paying, and they have a very strong pre-conceived notion of how it all should happen.

I am so sad that this process turned so ugly so fast. Can anyone offer advice? thanks.
Report Reply to Post

Re: My parents are driving me crazy

  • Options
    *Barbie**Barbie* member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_parents-driving-crazy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:740de149-1130-48d4-848a-5c73a74f79d8Post:8c87ed6f-7a0b-4130-b003-891f38ef6a1e">My parents are driving me crazy</a>:
    [QUOTE]I got engaged a couple of months ago and my folks offered to fund the wedding, which is really generous of them. We live 3000 miles apart from each other and have been for about 10 years. I'm an event planner/coordinator, and they want to be involved in the planning process, but so much happens fluidly that it's been hard to communicate. What makes it worse is that everytime we talk, I feel that they shoot down all my ideas (and those of my fiance). So all of our communications related to the wedding are getting more and more negative. It's to the point where I don't even want to talk to them about it because I'm afraid they'll just say no all the time. It's my wedding, but they're paying, and they have a very strong pre-conceived notion of how it all should happen. I am so sad that this process turned so ugly so fast. <strong>Can anyone offer advice? </strong>thanks.
    Posted by jesskstern[/QUOTE]

    <div>Pay for your own wedding and do whatever you want. </div><div>
    </div><div>money always comes with strings - if you accept the money, you accept the strings. </div><div>
    </div><div>also, since you said you have been out of your parents' house for the last 10 years, I'm going to assume you're at least in your late 20s or early 30s, and really should know better than to ask such a stupid question. </div><div>
    </div>
    Report Reply
  • Options
    NOLABridesmaidNOLABridesmaid member
    First Answer 5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Is this only a problem for women in their 20's?
    image
    Report Reply
  • Options
    jessksternjesskstern
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Barbie - thanks for the non-advice and the rude response, what's the point of you posting here anyway if you're just going to be a jerk about it?
    Report Reply
  • Options
    InksWellInksWell member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    Ditto on paying for it yourself if you want the wedding your way.

    It sounds like they offered to pay for the whole wedding, and when you report what you want to them, its overwhelming. As an event planner, you probably have a totally different (and much more extravagant) idea of a wedding than your parents have.

    You guys need to sit down and make an itemized budget, how much they want to spend on food, flowers, etc. That way you can be creative inside their boundaries, and everyone will be more comfortable.

    But seriously, if you are an event planner, I assume you've handled weddings before. You shouldn't have needed to ask this question.

    Dear Rain, Not Today. Sincerely, My Parade
    Report Reply
  • Options
    LnR70707LnR70707 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Seriously, you are an event planner/coordinator and you can't figure out how to solve this problem yourself?  Maybe it is time for a new career.
    br>imageimage
    IF/Baby Blog
    2 years, 2 surgeries, 2 clomid fails, 2 IUIs, 1 loss, IVF #1 - 10/25/10 = BFP!
    TTC #2 - 6/12 surgery #3, FET #1 & 1.2 = BFN, 12/2012 FET #2 = BFP!
    Lilypie Premature Baby tickersLilypie First Birthday tickers


    I can't wait for the "im getting a divorce" post in 5 years or so because your husbands were fed up with your disgusting chair asses from playing on the knot all day and getting fired 4-5 times for not doing any work. you guys are all winners!! ~ Laur929
    Report Reply
  • Options
    *Barbie**Barbie* member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_parents-driving-crazy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:740de149-1130-48d4-848a-5c73a74f79d8Post:0c1103fb-5a1b-44f7-a5d5-4f78ee84fd6d">Re: My parents are driving me crazy</a>:
    [QUOTE]Barbie - thanks for the non-advice and the rude response, what's the point of you posting here anyway if you're just going to be a jerk about it?
    Posted by jesskstern[/QUOTE]

    <div>as an "event planning professional" (or an "adult" with a lick of common sense) you should not have asked such a dumb question. </div><div>
    </div><div>you get a 21yo bride as a client, and her parents are paying for the wedding. Her parents tell you the budget is $XXX and they want ( x,y,and z) the bride has $XXX +$50K tastes, and wants (a,b,and c) - who are you going to please, your customers or their bratty kid? You may suggest a compromise or 2, but are you going to risk losing the job by pissing off your client? I doubt that very much. </div><div>
    </div><div>in your case, you are the 21yo bratty bride, and your generous parents are the paying clients - if you don't like what they are willing to pay for, by all means turn down the money and pay your own way. (which is what i told you the first time around)</div><div>
    </div><div>ETA - you asked for advice, not tot have puppies and rainbows blown up your ass... if you want to ask a question on a public forum, you need to put on your big girl panties and take whatever responses you get</div>
    Report Reply
  • Options
    InksWellInksWell member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    I don't want to be all up in Barbie's Kool-aid, but:

    Barbie (and other people you may find frustratingly critical) posts here because she's smarter than you. And that is why you came here; for advice from people with experience. If you were looking for something else, may I suggest the "Snarky Brides" board?

    Dear Rain, Not Today. Sincerely, My Parade
    Report Reply
  • Options
    *Barbie**Barbie* member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_parents-driving-crazy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:740de149-1130-48d4-848a-5c73a74f79d8Post:6214bd09-bd88-41db-963e-677266ca4659">Re: My parents are driving me crazy</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't want to be all up in Barbie's Kool-aid, but:<strong> Barbie (and other people you may find frustratingly critical) posts here because she's smarter than you. </strong>And that is why you came here; for advice from people with experience. If you were looking for something else, may I suggest the "Snarky Brides" board?
    Posted by InksWell[/QUOTE]

    <div>Damn straight. It's about time my genius was publicly recognized.<img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-laughing.gif" border="0" alt="Laughing" title="Laughing" /></div>
    Report Reply
  • Options
    jessksternjesskstern
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Well, I can say the one thing I've learned from this experience is that the people on this disappointing forum represent the things I despise most about this wedding process. You all have made assumptions about me that are simply not true, like the fact that the wedding is actually quite small and has a small budget. I have a less extravagant idea of the wedding than my parents do, in fact they believe their dollars are going farther than they are.

    i am not afraid of losing the money. Additionally, planning a wedding with your own family is quite different than planning a wedding for someone else.

    While failing to answer my questions, thank you all for your negativity and e-viciousness. How you all get off on being rude, I don't understand. I'm happy to take criticism, but not when it's directed in such a mean way.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    LnR70707LnR70707 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_parents-driving-crazy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:740de149-1130-48d4-848a-5c73a74f79d8Post:5e14709c-384b-484c-8070-00e52452c45c">Re: My parents are driving me crazy</a>:
    [QUOTE]Well, I can say the one thing I've learned from this experience is that the people on this disappointing forum represent the things I despise most about this wedding process. You all have made assumptions about me that are simply not true, like the fact that the wedding is actually quite small and has a small budget. I have a less extravagant idea of the wedding than my parents do, in fact they believe their dollars are going farther than they are. i am not afraid of losing the money. <strong>Additionally, planning a wedding with your own family is quite different than planning a wedding for someone else.</strong> While failing to answer my questions, thank you all for your negativity and e-viciousness. How you all get off on being rude, I don't understand. I'm happy to take criticism, but not when it's directed in such a mean way.
    Posted by jesskstern[/QUOTE]

    No one said it wasn't, genius.  As a planner though, I would assume you would be good at helping clients with issues like this??

    I really don't know what kind of answer you were expecting.  It is a pretty damn easy solution.
    br>imageimage
    IF/Baby Blog
    2 years, 2 surgeries, 2 clomid fails, 2 IUIs, 1 loss, IVF #1 - 10/25/10 = BFP!
    TTC #2 - 6/12 surgery #3, FET #1 & 1.2 = BFN, 12/2012 FET #2 = BFP!
    Lilypie Premature Baby tickersLilypie First Birthday tickers


    I can't wait for the "im getting a divorce" post in 5 years or so because your husbands were fed up with your disgusting chair asses from playing on the knot all day and getting fired 4-5 times for not doing any work. you guys are all winners!! ~ Laur929
    Report Reply
  • Options
    kimp67kimp67 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Sorry, but I have to agree with pps.  The only advise I can give you is pay for it yourself & have the wedding the way you want it.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards