Wedding Etiquette Forum

problems with who to invite to shower

Okay, mom is paying for the wedding.  We have a small venue and have chosen to primarily invite out of town family and really close friends.  We have decidied to hold a pot luck after the honeymoon for our church and local people to come to...show pictures, have fun, maybe give me an excuse to wear my dress a second time ect...
Mom wants to throw me a bridal shower, inviting the local people (primarily our church), who will of course be invited to the later reception, but not to the wedding itself...simply for the reason we don't have enough room.  I am sure it is not proper to invite them, because they are not invited to the wedding, but mom is insisting it is okay.  Please help.  We are not expecting tons more gifts from this party, nor do I want people to feel like they have to buy us gifts twice, for the shower and second reception. 
In your opinion is it okay to invite local people to the bridal shower without inviting them to the wedding, if we have the "after party"?  I don't think so, but I want to check with everyone else.  Thanks so much!

Re: problems with who to invite to shower

  • Nope, you are right, only invite those to the shower who are invited to the actual wedding.
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  • Ditto Mags.


  • Etiquette rules would state this is bad.  However, I can kind of understand why your mom is thinking it's ok.  I was once invited to a shower and a reception, but not the wedding part.  The wedding was held in a very small backyard so realistically it wasn't possible to have all the guests there.  My feelings weren't hurt, and I was happy to be involved in the day at least a little bit. 

    Of course every person is different and will see this situation differently.  I personally would play it safe and not invite them to the shower. 
  • Nope, your mom can't invite them.

    However, if the church people decide that THEY wish to host a shower for you, full well knowing they're not invited to the wedding, then that's acceptable.
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  • Yeah, that is exactly what I thought.  I am sad because everyone coming to the wedding lives in different areas around the country...and not in my current city, including my MOH lives about 10 hours away by car (my college roommate) so I guess that means no shower, but that is okay I guess...it was my decision on who to invite anyway.  Thank you. 
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