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Gave them a Save the Date together.... Do they still get invites?

McFutzersMcFutzers
First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
I'm new here and hope that you can help!

I have a friend who was with the same girl for two years.  My fiance and I were friends with him first, but I became closer with his girlfriend over the past two years. (There were both guests with us for a week over New Years.) They recently broke up and she moved away.  I haven't talked to her much except over facebook since they broke up, but we still talk to him.

ISSUE: They received a Save The Date as a couple... now that they are broken up, do I still invite her?  I like her, but would it be an insult to my friend if we invited her still?  

Thanks for you input!
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Re: Gave them a Save the Date together.... Do they still get invites?

  • tracy_ktracy_k member
    Seventh Anniversary 500 Comments
    Oof. That is kind of a tough one. I probably wouldn't invite her.
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  • cac847cac847
    500 Comments
    If you sent a save the date you should send her an invitation. They're both adults and can deal with it if they see each other at the wedding.
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  • Mrs.B6302007Mrs.B6302007 member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    Technically, the proper etiquette is to send them both the invite and let them work it out for themselves.  Would you feel comfortable asking both of them separately what they would like to do?
    The Bee Hive Est. June 30, 2007
    "So I sing a song of love, Julia"
    06.10.10
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  • KBoldKBold
    First Comment
    The same thing JUST happened to me. I don't think we are sending her an invite, because if they were broken up when we sent out the save the dates, we wouldn't have sent her one. 
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  • RachNRichRachNRich member
    5000 Comments
    I'd send her an invite---chances are if the breakup wasn't amicable, she will decline the invitation anyways. 
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  • MrsHaH101010MrsHaH101010
    100 Comments

    I would invite her and let the guy know that you are sending her an invite so that if she does show up then it won't be a shock to him. 

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  • tracy_ktracy_k member
    Seventh Anniversary 500 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_gave-save-date-together-still-invites?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:592c5974-df34-407f-849d-f5f6b69b78c5Post:86e4e987-8e07-491b-9e46-4a6818e309d9">Re: Gave them a Save the Date together.... Do they still get invites?</a>:
    [QUOTE]If you sent a save the date you should send her an invitation. They're both adults and can deal with it if they see each other at the wedding.
    Posted by cac847[/QUOTE]

    This is where etiquette rules become divorced from common sense, for me.

    This woman is not their friend. If they wouldn't have invited her before she was dating their friend, why would they invite her after she stopped dating their friend, just because she saw a "save the date"?

    My ex-bf and I broke up shortly before my best friend's wedding a few years ago, after getting a save-the-date addressed to us both, and I would have had to have some <strong>serious </strong>words with her if she'd invited him separately. Not OK.
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  • Mrs.B6302007Mrs.B6302007 member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    I'm of the same mind set as Tracy on this one.  I know that if I had been the GF, I wouldn't expect my exBF's friends to honor the STD.  They're HIS friends, not mine.
    The Bee Hive Est. June 30, 2007
    "So I sing a song of love, Julia"
    06.10.10
    BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!
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  • ThePinkSuperheroThePinkSuperhero
    1000 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_gave-save-date-together-still-invites?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:592c5974-df34-407f-849d-f5f6b69b78c5Post:176f9b60-9d96-4328-836a-998258cc76ce">Re: Gave them a Save the Date together.... Do they still get invites?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Gave them a Save the Date together.... Do they still get invites? : This is where etiquette rules become divorced from common sense, for me. <strong>This woman is not their friend. If they wouldn't have invited her before she was dating their friend, why would they invite her after she stopped dating their friend, just because she saw a "save the date"?</strong> My ex-bf and I broke up shortly before my best friend's wedding a few years ago, after getting a save-the-date addressed to us both, and I would have had to have some serious words with her if she'd invited him separately. Not OK.
    Posted by tracy_k[/QUOTE]

    Agreed.
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited April 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_gave-save-date-together-still-invites?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:592c5974-df34-407f-849d-f5f6b69b78c5Post:176f9b60-9d96-4328-836a-998258cc76ce">Re: Gave them a Save the Date together.... Do they still get invites?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Gave them a Save the Date together.... Do they still get invites? :  This woman is not their friend. If they wouldn't have invited her before she was dating their friend, why would they invite her after she stopped dating their friend, just because she saw a "save the date"? 
    Posted by tracy_k[/QUOTE]

    <div>Actually, she said she got to be friends with the girl and still talks to her on FB.  That would be enough that I'd just send her the invitation.</div>
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  • tracy_ktracy_k member
    Seventh Anniversary 500 Comments
    edited April 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_gave-save-date-together-still-invites?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:592c5974-df34-407f-849d-f5f6b69b78c5Post:21b607ae-f08b-4327-a652-6619a0f1fd84">Re: Gave them a Save the Date together.... Do they still get invites?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Gave them a Save the Date together.... Do they still get invites? : Actually, she said she got to be friends with the girl and still talks to her on FB.  
    Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]

    She said they got closer but haven't talked much since she moved away, just a little on FB. I took that to mean they aren't close.

    Still, I'd apply the reasoning already mentioned... If she would have invited this woman even if they'd broken up before the save-the-dates went out, then sure, talk to the friend (this is critical... if he strenuously objects I think respect for his feelings rules the day), invite her and let adults be adults.

    But if she was only on the save-the-date because she was dating the friend? I don't think there's any obligation to invite her.
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  • McFutzersMcFutzers
    First Comment
    edited April 2010
    Thanks for the advice!  I'll run it all by my fiance tonight... I appreciate your advice! I'm leaning towards not inviting her especially since she moved away and is not really a part of the "group" of friends we have anymore.  

    I know they don't talk at all anymore and there are some hurt feelings involved as well.  I would say she is probably an acquaintance now... more than a friend.  So with that all being said... I'm still leaning towards not inviting her.  His name was first on the shared invite too since he was closer to us originally.

    Wow... didn't expect to get a response like this, but I'm so glad to hear different sides and reasons.  Very helpful!


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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_gave-save-date-together-still-invites?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:592c5974-df34-407f-849d-f5f6b69b78c5Post:2b9adfa1-7161-41a2-a006-29498e170bf2">Re: Gave them a Save the Date together.... Do they still get invites?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Gave them a Save the Date together.... Do they still get invites? : She said they got closer but haven't talked much since she moved away, just a little on FB. I took that to mean they aren't close. Still, I'd apply the reasoning already mentioned... If she would have invited this woman even if they'd broken up before the save-the-dates went out, then sure, talk to the friend (this is critical... if he strenuously objects I think respect for his feelings rules the day), invite her and let adults be adults. But if she was only on the save-the-date because she was dating the friend? I don't think there's any obligation to invite her.
    Posted by tracy_k[/QUOTE]

    <div>Yes but, if you don't invite her at this point, it pretty much means you don't want to be friends with her at all anymore.  If she's still talking on FB and stuff, I wouldn't want to burn that bridge.  That's what I'm getting at.</div>
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