So what was the marriage prep required by your church?

k8ly · December 2010

Seems as though it varies.

We just have the weekend retreat we have to go to, and an optional test if we want a discount on our marriage license. I'm getting the sense this is unusual? There's usually more?

bibliophile2010 · December 2010

It varies a lot by couple, parish and diocese.

For example, the Diocese of Phoenix requires a lot more than most places. We have a minimum 9 month Marriage Prep period. During that time, all couples marrying in the diocese need to meet with our parish; do the FOCCUS (or a similar inventory) and review it (my parish uses mentor couples for the review); complete a married life skills class (this can be completed through evening classes, weekend classes or EE); attend a God's Plan for a Joy-Filled Marriage presentation (we are doing ours tomorrow -- I'm excited, because I've heard good things from the ladies on here); and do a complete course in NFP (any method is ok).

The diocese indicates that this should all be completed with 2-3 months before the wedding, to be used for final preparations, planning the liturgy, receiving the sacrament of reconcilliation, etc. It also leaves wiggle room in case problems of any sort arise.

I would say that what you have is pretty normal from what the other ladies on here say.

Riss91 · December 2010

We went to 2 day-long courses, over one weekend. It wasn't an Engaged Encouter or retreat. We weren't required to do anything else (FOCCUS test, counsel sessions with the priest, NFP courses).

Our 2-day course was really great, though.

IrishBrideND · December 2010

we took the test and discussed it with another couple.
Then we have a two day retreat.

[Deleted User] · December 2010

We took the FOCCUS test, met with our priest to discuss it after we took it, then met with him a few more times to make sure we had all the necessary paperwork and any questions. We were required to do an EE weekend, which we did about 6 months before our wedding.

wifeandmommy0609 · December 2010

Here is what our church told us ( denver, CO)

http://www.archden.org/index.cfm/ID/176/Marriage-Preparation-Information/

See below for an overview of the process and a schedule of archdiocesan classes & programs:

Proximate Preparation	Time Frame
Schedule an initial meeting with your priest, deacon, or marriage preparation minister. Be sure to schedule this appointment before booking a reception site, etc.	8-12 months in advance of your desired wedding date.
Complete a marriage preparation inventory at your parish (FOCCUS Inventory). This tool is designed to assess the strengths of your relationship and areas that may need growth.	Within first few weeks of proximate preparation.
STEP 1- Theology Component The first course you will take for marriage preparation addresses "what" the Church teaches on marriage and sexuality and "why" she teaches it. Discuss with your marriage preparation minister which option will best suit you to fulfill this step. Option 1: Attend a one-day couple's workshop calledwww.archden.org/index.cfm/ID/177/God%27s-Plan-for-a-Joy-Filled-Marriage/" target="_blank"> God's Plan for a Joy-Filled Marriage. These classes are offered at various locations throughout the archdiocese. Option 2: Attend the Evening Marriage Preparation Program offered by Catholic Marriage Preparation, Inc.www.catholicmarriagepreponline.com/" target="_blank"> Click here for more information. Completion of this program will fulfill both Step 1 and Step 3 of your marriage preparation. This class is also offered online. Option 3: Attend the Marriage Builder Weekend offered by Saint Frances Cabrini Catholic Church. www.saintfrancescabrini.org/marriage.html" target="_blank">Click here for more information. Completion of this program will fulfill both Step 1 and Step 3 of your marriage preparation. Option 4: Attend the Marriage Preparation Weekend Retreat at www.risenchristchurch.org/" target="_blank">Church of the Risen Christ. Completion of this program fulfills Step 1 and Step 3 of your marriage preparation. For more information, visit the Web site at www.risenchrist.org/" target="_blank">www.risenchrist.org. Option 5: Attend the Marriage Preparation Program at St. Catherine of Siena. These seminars explore God's Divine plan for marriage and also focus on how the couple can build a strong foundation for marriage. Completion of this program fulfills Step 1 and Step 3 of your marriage preparation. For more information, call St. Catherine of Siena: 303-455-9090, or visit their website: www.saintcatherine.us/uncategorized/marriage-prep-seminars-now-at-st-catherines/	This step is to be completed within the first few months of proximate preparation. There are several options available to you for completion of this step. You need to choose only one option.
STEP 2- Natural Family Planning This step focuses on the training of Natural Family Planning (NFP). Several organizations offer NFP training and certification in this Archdiocese. See the www.archden.org/index.cfm/ID/180/Natural-Family-Planning/" target="_blank">Natural Family Planning page for information on each organization and instruction for registration.	The NFP classes should be scheduled within the first few weeks of proximate preparation and completed before the wedding date. Several options are available to you.
STEP 3- Life Skills Component The life-skills component is intended to help you fine-tune some practical skills such as handling conflict, finances, decision making, etc. To begin this step, talk with your marriage preparation minister about possible options available to you at your parish and to discuss the other available options listed. Option 1: Catholic Engaged Encounter weekend. www.archden.org/index.cfm/ID/178/Catholic-Engaged-Encounter/">Click here to see retreat schedule and to register. Option 2: Private meeting with your priest/deacon, or married mentor couple to review pre-marital inventory (FOCCUS test) mentioned above. Option 3: Catholic Marriage Preparation, Inc., also explained under Step #1, will fulfill both Step #3 and Step #1 of your preparation process. www.catholicmarriagepreponline.com/" target="_blank">Click here for more information. Option 4: Marriage Preparation Seminar at St. Catherine of Siena, also explained under Step #1, will fulfill both Step #3 and Step #1 of your preparation process. Option 5: St. Frances Cabrini Catholic Church also explained under Step #1, will fulfill both Step #3 and Step #1 of your preparation process. www.saintfrancescabrini.org/marriage.html" target="_blank">Click here for more information. Option 6: Marriage Preparation Weekend Retreat at www.risenchristchurch.org/" target="_blank">Church of the Risen Christ also explained under Step #1 will fulfill both Step #3 and Step #1 of your marriage preparation process. For more information, please visit www.risenchristchurch.org/" target="_blank">www.risenchristchurch.org. Option 7: Life Skills Workshop offered at Sacred Heart of Mary Church in Boulder. This program is facilitated by trained volunteers and provides an opportunity for couples to communicate intimately with one another in order to deepen and enrich their relationship. www.sacredheartofmary.org/sacraments/marriage.asp" target="_blank">Click here for more information and to register.	This step can be completed anytime throughout proximate or immediate preparation. Several options are availabe for completion of this step. Choose only one option.
Immediate Preparation	Time Frame
This period of preparation entails a final meeting with your priest, deacon, or marriage preparation minister and a time to receive the sacrament of Reconciliation. Time is also devoted to planning the wedding liturgy.	Last 2 months prior to the celebration of marriage.

SaraAndrew2010 · December 2010

I'm in the archdiocese of Chicago. We did the following as part of our marriage prep:

1. Met with our priest a few times to sign paperwork and discuss requirements, reading selection, etc.

2. Attended a ~8 hour Saturday workshop lead by two couples (the other option was a weekend-long Engaged Encounter retreat)

3. Took the FOCCUS survey and discussed the results with a lay pastoral associate

mica178 · December 2010

I'm not sure if it's just how you laid it out, wifeandmommy, but your archdiocese's requirements look overwhelming.

We had a couple meetings with the priest. We did the FOCCUS and reviewed the results with a parish volunteer. And we went to an Engaged Encounter weekend. That was it. I think the priest requires more meetings if he has doubts, but he felt pretty good about our marriage preparedness. I think the San Francisco archdiocese requires just the EE and the FOCCUS then leaves everything else up to each parish.

agapecarrie · December 2010

In my opinion, wifeandmommy's requirements should be the bare minimum.

Priests have to go to school and formation for at least 6 years before being ordained in their vocation. Most orders and communities have even longer postulancy/novitiate before taking final vows.

This is a lifelong commitment that takes work, sacrifice, dying to self, complete gift of self, in a world and (in the USA and others), a country that always pushes selfishness, immediate satisfaction, no-commitments, and self-pleasure and happiness above all else.

newlyseliski · December 2010

My parish requires the same items as bibliophile mentioned above (FOCCUS, mentor couple, pre-cana, NFP, etc), but it's not consistent across our diocese in different parishes... however, I'm pretty sure that the majority do require at minumum attending the pre-cana retreat and meeting with the pastor or deacon!

I think it's definitely a pastoral dilemma for parishes and diocese what amount of preparation they want to require of couples. I agree that more information is definitely good and marriage preparation is a great time to share the beauty of the Church's teachings on the vocation, but when you require such a major time committment from couples... eloping or just getting married on a mountainside by a JOP would definitely seem like a more appealing alternative to most engaged couples!

Pirata13 · December 2010

Just pre-Cana and we met with my priest once.

alliesono · December 2010

Ours look pretty minimal compared to some other diocese. We had to complete our FOCCUS evaluation and discuss the results with our priest. We will have only 3 or 4 meetings with him, I think. We also have to complete some form of marriage prep. We can choose from having a sponsor couple or going to a weekend session on marriage.

We know our priest well, so I'm satisfied with this. I think he schedules more meeting for couples that he doesn't have a personal relationship with.

lmeade62 · December 2010

Does it make a difference whether it's a first or a second marriage?

k8ly · December 2010

wifeandmommy - looks like an extensive program, but they give you lots of options to try to keep it flexible.

I was very surprised when our priest told us what was required. I was expecting the mentor classes at the least. I didn't know if it was because our church is limited on resources or if this was "common".

This is my second wedding, Imeade. Other than the extra paperwork to verify I was in an invalid marriage, this seems to be standard requirements.

bibliophile2010 · December 2010

The process for the Phoenix Diocese are pretty much the same at wifeandmommy's (Denver) but are treated in a slightly different order:

https://www.ourcovenantoflovephx.org/about.php

I actually agree with agape that, while this looks like a lot, it can't compare to the length of time spent preparing for other life commitments: the priesthood and consecrated religious life. Anything that strengthens my marriage is worth it to me. Also, it shows that the church is dedicated to creating strong marriages and families, which I think would go a long way in fixing a lot of hurt in the world.

Calypso1977 · December 2010

ours was an initial meeting to set the date, verify our records, etc. we then had 3 meetings with the priest. it was very faith based, which i liked. i would not have wanted to do pre-cana with lay persons.

catarntina · December 2010

I'm also in Archdiocese of Denver, and I really didn't think the requirements were that bad. There were a lot of different options.

I went to a group pre-cana type thing with several engaged couples. 4 Sundays after Mass for 3 hours each Sunday. We had several sponsoring couples just talk about what to expect when we're married. Then, we had to take the FOCCUS and review it with a sponsoring couple. After that, we took NFP class taught by CCL. That was 1 Tuesday a month for 3 months, and it lasted 2 hours.

Really, it wasn't too bad. It looks overwhelming because there are different choices to fulfill the same step.

On the flipside, I got married in Ohio, and the priest there said they only require a 4 hour course 1 Saturday.

lmeade62 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_marriage-prep-required-church?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:13c0a5a6-db2c-4b3a-98e9-e49db36cec60Post:2d3c8be3-4512-4962-bede-30f7866a4aa3">Re: So what was the marriage prep required by your church?</a>:
[QUOTE]This is my second wedding, Imeade. Other than the extra paperwork to verify I was in an invalid marriage, this seems to be standard requirements.
Posted by k8ly[/QUOTE]

I'm actually very grateful to hear that. My FI's annulment was just granted in both instances, but he is required to meet with a priest so discuss what makes a valid marriage before he can get remarried. Though the idea kind of freaked us both out at first, I think it makes a lot of sense. The last thing either of us wants to do is enter into any marriage without a good, solid understanding of how to make our marriage sacred and valid.

I am really looking forward to starting our Pre-Cana work...

Linda

DanielleZZ · December 2010

3 meetings with priest
Taking the PREPARE test
3 meetings with a marriage psychologist to discuss the test results

echo136 · December 2010

Our requirements are just a marriage prep weekend as it is called here. It is basically a two day retreat facilitated by one of the pastoral ministers and other married couples from the parish. I am excited for it. we are doing it at the parish I work at so I am excited to hear the marriage stories of people I know. Other than that we have met with our priest here and did the interviews. I also tend to bug him (since he is my boss) on an ongoing basis in the office. I then remind him I am asking questions not as an employee but as a needy parishioner.

kindspiel14 · December 2010

I live in the Seattle area, and we had to do an EE weekend, a couple interview-type talks with our priest, get some forms signed by family members verifying our readiness to get married, and take a compatibility inventory--I can't remember what it was called--which we discussed with a marriage counselor from outside our parish. FI isn't Catholic, so we had to get his baptismal certificate and that sort of thing, but it was relatively simple. You do have to start prep at least 6 months before the wedding date, although we started way earlier (thanks to a long engagement).

Even though it was fairly easy, I feel like the focus was where it should be, in making sure we knew what a committment we were making and why. Especially since FI isn't Catholic, it was an interesting experience going through the theology and such with him officially.

clearheavens · December 2010

Archdiocese of Cincinnati here. I have to say that our requirements are relaxed.

In addition to meeting with a priest or deacon to go over the general process and get paperwork done, we had to do only one educational component. These were the options:

FOCCUS inventory and meet with our mentor couple 5-6 times

Pre-Cana

a complete course of NFP

Engaged Encounter

Each parish can require more prep but this is the minimum for our diocese. I personally feel that the minimum isn't adequate to prepare most couples for a lifetime of marriage.

We chose FOCCUS and NFP and we added God's Plan for a Joy-Filled Life (a program based on the Theology of the Body) to our preparation as well. We may take post-courses during marriage along the way. We will take any help we can get to lead a sacramental life and Christ-centered marriage.

cheryllynn228 · December 2010

I live in the Youngstown, OH diocese and we haven't started ours yet but did talk to our Priest. We have 3 meetings with him and then a weekend retreat

annagtz82 · December 2010

Other than the initial meeting with the priest to go over all the paperwork we have to turn in, we only had to do the weekend retreat. I'm surprised it's so laxy dazy. We asked our priest if we had to meet with him for a couple of sessions and he said that it's not a requirement but we're more than welcome to meet with him if we'd like.

k8ly · December 2010

Thanks ladies, for all your input.

I was just curious, because I fully expected to be required to take some classes in addition to the retreat (and was looking forward to them, actually). I was quite surprised when our priest just gave us the brochure for the weekend retreat and said the test was optional.

mcdol3 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_marriage-prep-required-church?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:13c0a5a6-db2c-4b3a-98e9-e49db36cec60Post:3c88144b-f0f8-4a3a-a99e-876e1ae6a767">Re: So what was the marriage prep required by your church?</a>:
[QUOTE]We went to 2 day-long courses, over one weekend. It wasn't an Engaged Encouter or retreat. We weren't required to do anything else (FOCCUS test, counsel sessions with the priest, NFP courses). Our 2-day course was really great, though.
Posted by Riss91[/QUOTE]

This is what we had to do. Just a two day course. Really enjoyed it

So what was the marriage prep required by your church?

Re: So what was the marriage prep required by your church?

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