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Round & Round we go again

jeannigirljeannigirl member
First Anniversary First Comment
in Second Weddings
So my FI goes to Family Court on Monday to see if he will be allowed yet to have visitation with his daughter. His ex gf (mother of his daughter) says she doesn't want him to have custody and still wants to keep that in place. We are fighting to drop that and gain visitation. The judge said in order for her to want to contuine with this she has 90 days to have a valid reasoning for this order. I guess that may be somewhat in our favor.

The big thing that blew us out of the water was that once he was back in WA on Tuesday he gets a call from his Attorney stating that she (mother) agreeded that she would allow visitation to him but he will need to go back on Thursday. Which is almost impossible for us to come up with the money to get him back there. So if he doesn't then she can show the judge that he turned it down so it will be more amunniation for her case. We're fighting a losing battle here. We both feel like theirs something behind this whole masquerade. She did this once before and pulled the rug out from under him.

Seriously I don't know how much longer my FI can hold on and fight. I see the wear and stress on him and see the toll it has taken on him and his emotions. I just can't understand the reasons that this woman is doing this to him. How long that she has been vindictive and holding a child has a pawn in her game. Depriving a child from her father and her grandparents and the rest of her family on her fathers side.

Their is no reason why this is contuining there is nothing that FI has done harmful to her or his daughter.  When is this nightmare going to end who is going to put a stop to this madness and let this father have his rights.?  I am so frustrated and angry that the family courts are blinded to this.

I just wonder where this womens conscience and heart went? She doesn't see the harm that she is causing her child? I won't speak ill of this woman I actually feel sorry for her, that in her hatred she has created that in her child and not given a chance to her to have her father in her life. No matter if he wasn't a good bf at the time (she seems to forgot her mistakes) he is a great father and he loves his little girl more than anything in this world and all he wants is a chance to have her be part of his life again and to have her part of our family has well. 

 Thanks I just needed to vent.
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Re: Round & Round we go again

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    Sue-n-KevinSue-n-Kevin member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Jeanni, if he has an attorney, he needs to talk to the atty. It sounds as though the next hearing is in 90 days, not clear

    He can document the financial hardship this has placed on him, to reappear 3 short days after his last appearance. He's hired an attorney, and the attorney needs to be making these points. If he's not, get another attorney. It appears you talking about visitation, NOT custody. Hell, everyone has visitation rights!

    These are heartbreaking stories, because it only takes one vindictive parent, with some sort of axe to grind, to make life hard for the other parent and the child. Sometimes women hold on to their anger, because it's the only way they can hold on to, and manipulate, the person they think ruined their life. If they can't have love, then anger and hatred, which are the opposite of love, are all they have from an emotional perspective.

    Good luck to all of you. I wish you the best.
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    jeannigirljeannigirl member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011

    Well this is what the deal is he has been fighting for Visitation for 10 years. Their is some bad blood there on her part and yes she is resentful and hateful and is punishing him for things that are totally not even logical. That is not the point here however. He has apolized for things that went wrong in their relationship and asked if they could just bury the hatchet all he wants is to be able to have his daughter in his life and see her.

    She won't let it go and is constantly playing with his emotions and is draining our finances on lawyers. The reaon he went to court is that it has been two years since she filed with the courts that she wanted my FI to relinquish his parental rights so that her husband can adopt his daughter. He will not do that. Penn courts have been sitting on this for two years and have done nothing and the 2 year mark was up and they were called back to court to see if they should drop it and he would have to relinquish his rights and ex's husband can adopt we still said no he will not relinquish his rights has a father.

    So they will reconvene in 90 days for the judge to see whether he honors her petition or ours. So for 10 years its been in her favor. We have not heard anything further about visitation to see his daughter.

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    3plus3plus member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    jeanni-  I'm sorry that your FI is going through this.  My FI is dealing with a very similar situation at the moment and it is so hard to see the emotional ups and downs that they go through.  I feel very, very hopeless that I can't fix this for him

    In our situation, it has only been 2.5 years (since she found out about me) that he has been dealing with this.  Once she found out that he was dating again, she picked up and moved to another province and decided that there was no reason for FI to see his son again.  There has been attempts made to set dates for visitation, but she has always cancelled them within a couple of days of the visitation. All for no good reason.  FI even flew out there once without her knowledge, called from the hotel and said that he would like to see his son the next day.  She said that would be ok.  When he showed up, she called the cops.

    It's been a nasty battle between the two of them.  FI has been flying out there twice a month now for the past 4 months for court dates.  Half of those court dates she was not prepared for, so the judge ordered her to have her son in the judge's office by such and such a time so that FI could spend at least a couple of hours with his son.  That has been going very well, but she still refuses to budge on allowing visitation without the judge ordering it.

    FI will hopefully know in the new year what decision the judge has come to but at this time it looks good.  The judge seems to be getting pretty exasperated with her as well.

    Sorry for the long novel.  What it all boils down to, you're not alone dealing with this type of thing.  I know that I have not been active on this board and you don't really know me, but if you wish to PM me at all please feel free.
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    deepcovejackiedeepcovejackie
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm so sorry to hear all of these stories.  It's sad when people would use a child as an object in order to take out resentment on a former partner.  My ex and I make it a point to always be on the same side, which means choosing what is in the best interests of the kids.  It's worked so far.  We share custody and child-rearing duties and expenses equally, along with my fiance.  They have 3 loving and caring parents, and are doing fine.

    Best wishes and good luck to both jeani and 3-plus.
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    jeannigirljeannigirl member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks Jackie for the encouragement. Its not been easy and want more than anything else in the world to have her with us and we can then move on in getting married. Sometimes my heart feels full of apprehension that is this ever going to happen that he is granted visitation? Its all so frustrating and stressful and can't believe that it has gone on this long.
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