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Odd question about favors/reception centerpieces
vettechgirl
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I'm on a budget wedding. I'm thinking of including a picture of my fiance and I in the programs or invitations, and leave it simple.
However, I am having fresh flowers at my reception. To make a long story short, each of the 6 tables at the reception (it's a super small wedding) will be dedicated to a particular couple from our familes who has inspired us and helped us in our lives. One will be, "Patrick and Suzann XXXX, May We Learn From Your Faith", "Roland and Kay YYYYY, May We Learn From Your Perseverance", etc. We thought it would be nice to give the flower centerpieces to the couple who is being honored at that table.
Here's the catch...Long story short, I don't get along with my mom at all. She won't be involved in ANY of the wedding plans, and I'm even considering not inviting her (but this would mean my siblings wouldn't be able to come, and a lot of that side of the family might not come. I haven't figured it all out yet. It's super complicated and emotionally painful). The table 'honoring' her and her husband is sort of an intentional, polite bash: "Kristine and Clifford ZZZZ, May We Learn From Your Mistakes". Really, I don't want my mom getting the wrong idea for my presenting her with a special gift. But, our family is so small, I'm not sure who to replace her with.
But, I also don't want to offend anyone else because they didn't get a special table or gift. I'm not sure what to do.
Any thoughts or suggestions on the situation would be appreciated.
However, I am having fresh flowers at my reception. To make a long story short, each of the 6 tables at the reception (it's a super small wedding) will be dedicated to a particular couple from our familes who has inspired us and helped us in our lives. One will be, "Patrick and Suzann XXXX, May We Learn From Your Faith", "Roland and Kay YYYYY, May We Learn From Your Perseverance", etc. We thought it would be nice to give the flower centerpieces to the couple who is being honored at that table.
Here's the catch...Long story short, I don't get along with my mom at all. She won't be involved in ANY of the wedding plans, and I'm even considering not inviting her (but this would mean my siblings wouldn't be able to come, and a lot of that side of the family might not come. I haven't figured it all out yet. It's super complicated and emotionally painful). The table 'honoring' her and her husband is sort of an intentional, polite bash: "Kristine and Clifford ZZZZ, May We Learn From Your Mistakes". Really, I don't want my mom getting the wrong idea for my presenting her with a special gift. But, our family is so small, I'm not sure who to replace her with.
But, I also don't want to offend anyone else because they didn't get a special table or gift. I'm not sure what to do.
Any thoughts or suggestions on the situation would be appreciated.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Odd question about favors/reception centerpieces
I agree that this is not the best idea. You will have people who are left out, and you will have people who are offended. If you are looking for ideas for favors, check out the sticky post at the top of the Favor Forum.
Well okay: cruel, humiliating, mean-spirited, unneccessary, callous, harsh, hateful, embarrassing, and demeaning all come to mind.
This will only make every single one of your guests uncomfortable, but it also pretty much closes the door on any reconciliation you might ever have with your mom.
I'm a mom: I don't think that the hurt that such a thing would cause me would ever, ever go away.
BTW: I'm not a fan of the whole idea. Giving some guests the CPs is NOT a favor to your guests. It's a gesture to certain couples, while the other couples will be sitting there wondering "What am I? Chopped liver?"
If you really want to thank people for modeling behaviors that you hope to emulate, write them a lovely note and mail it to them.
Final thought: which of the couples you're "honoring" taught you that it is okay to be cruel and merciless?
[QUOTE]I'm on a budget wedding. I'm thinking of including a picture of my fiance and I in the programs or invitations, and leave it simple. However, I am having fresh flowers at my reception. To make a long story short, each of the 6 tables at the reception (it's a super small wedding) will be dedicated to a particular couple from our familes who has inspired us and helped us in our lives. One will be, "Patrick and Suzann XXXX, May We Learn From Your Faith", "Roland and Kay YYYYY, May We Learn From Your Perseverance", etc. We thought it would be nice to give the flower centerpieces to the couple who is being honored at that table. Here's the catch...Long story short, I don't get along with my mom at all. She won't be involved in ANY of the wedding plans, and I'm even considering not inviting her (but this would mean my siblings wouldn't be able to come, and a lot of that side of the family might not come. I haven't figured it all out yet. It's super complicated and emotionally painful). The table 'honoring' her and her husband is sort of an intentional, polite bash: "Kristine and Clifford ZZZZ, May We Learn From Your Mistakes". Really, I don't want my mom getting the wrong idea for my presenting her with a special gift. But, our family is so small, I'm not sure who to replace her with. But, I also don't want to offend anyone else because they didn't get a special table or gift. I'm not sure what to do. Any thoughts or suggestions on the situation would be appreciated.
Posted by vettechgirl[/QUOTE]
JIC
I do see you're points about some feeling left out. Any idea what I should do with the centerpieces? There will be 7 centerpieces of 12 carnations in total- so 84 flowers. I've heard some people give the individual flowers out as favors, but I'm not sure how this would be done. Is it like a mini 'event' where the bride and groom take the time to give out the flowers to each person? Do they people just take them if they want to? For a proper favor, wouldn't we need to attach something like a little card with our names, date or the wedding, etc? Not sure how that could work, whether the cards were pre-attached or not.
Ideas?
[QUOTE]In Response to Odd question about favors/reception centerpieces : <strong> JIC</strong>
Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]
Thanks, didn't back in time to quote it again for posterity.
The other point I want to make is that regardless of what she has done or whatever, she is still your mom and you need to treat her with some respect. While you don't have to pretend you two are close, you still need to respect her.
There are plenty of things my mom has done to me (just ask FI) that most parents would never think of doing to their own children. While it has been hard for me as well, forgiveness goes a long way. I think you may even want to talk to someone like a priest or a counselor if it is still bothering you. This helped me tremedously bc what I did not realize is how this could affect FH's and my relationship with her as well as our future kids (bc I am not sure I want them around her).
As for what to do with your centerpieces- well, do you have grandparents who will be there? Send them home with them. Do you have special people helping you out in any way that day? Send them home with them. Throw them away. Donate them to a nursing home. Donate them to a hospital. These are all options. I don't think you should necessarily take them apart and give each person a flower. If you are looking for ideas, check out the sticky at the top of the forum. Edibles are always great, and typically inexpensive.
Acknowledging any of it will always have that memory lingering over the whole day. Invite them if you feel you must (in order to include other family that you DO want there), but otherwise ignore them - that's my advice. People who know the story will have all sorts of feelings (good and/or bad) regarding your tactics, and people who do NOT know the story will think you're nuts and feel awkward.
As for the centerpieces - lots of people have a special number or note taped under a chair (or whatever else) and a cute little announcement is made to the effect of "If you look under your chair -or whatever else- and you see an x, you are a winner and please feel free to take home a centerpiece!"
In our case, we're a little game out of it that ties in with our reception and will randomly (to some effect) get rid of them.
Good luck and congratulations!
[QUOTE]I'm on a budget wedding. I'm thinking of including a picture of my fiance and I in the programs or invitations, and leave it simple. However, I am having fresh flowers at my reception. To make a long story short, each of the 6 tables at the reception (it's a super small wedding) will be dedicated to a particular couple from our familes who has inspired us and helped us in our lives. One will be, "Patrick and Suzann XXXX, May We Learn From Your Faith", "Roland and Kay YYYYY, May We Learn From Your Perseverance", etc. We thought it would be nice to give the flower centerpieces to the couple who is being honored at that table. Here's the catch...Long story short, I don't get along with my mom at all. She won't be involved in ANY of the wedding plans, and I'm even considering not inviting her (but this would mean my siblings wouldn't be able to come, and a lot of that side of the family might not come. I haven't figured it all out yet. It's super complicated and emotionally painful). The table 'honoring' her and her husband is sort of an intentional, polite bash: "Kristine and Clifford ZZZZ, May We Learn From Your Mistakes". Really, I don't want my mom getting the wrong idea for my presenting her with a special gift. But, our family is so small, I'm not sure who to replace her with. But, I also don't want to offend anyone else because they didn't get a special table or gift. I'm not sure what to do. Any thoughts or suggestions on the situation would be appreciated.
Posted by vettechgirl[/QUOTE]
Hun this may not be the best idea, primarily because other people will be commenting on that more than you. I also agree that other couples will feel left out and other people will feel slighted if they dont get a favor, especially since your wedding is small. Boxes of candy are always cheap to give out to make sure everyone gets something
to our parents who have___
to our grandparents ___
etc..
and then just keep the flowers!
or scrap the idea, and try something new, and a little less personal. people can be thanked personally in teh thank you cards..
btw im very sorry you have had to suffer through such harsh trials in life. its courageous of you to invite those who have wronged you so badly in the past.