June 2012 Weddings

Hurt feelings and need advice

So, I went to a wedding shower last Sunday. I posted one piece of the drama on our fb page, but there was another thing that happened that also bothered me. I will try and keep it short and simple and to the point. The wedding shower was for a girl that was marrying my fiancé’s cousin (second cousin) and one of her bridesmaids who I will call Jane, is married to my fiancé’s first cousin (I see her often at holidays, bbq’s, etc.). Well, during the opening of the gifts, Jane was opening the cards and announcing the names of each person and the gift they bought for the bride and when she got to my gift, I watched Jane open my card then close it, then throw it to the girl who was writing down what each person gave in the cards (I assume this is for when she writes the thank you letters). Well, she never said my name at all and when she opened my card, I swear it looked like she rolled her eyes. She said everyone’s name before hand and was saying names after my gift was given. I was really hurt and felt snubbed. It’s possibly she forgot or didn’t realize it, but it really hurt my feelings. I don’t understand why she would do that if it was intentional because I wasn’t aware there was a problem. We’re not soul sisters, but we’re cordial at holidays. Obviously, I am too busy to get upset over this, but what would you do? I don’t think there is really anything I can do without looking petty. What do you guys think? Would your feelings be hurt?

Re: Hurt feelings and need advice

  • Yes, my feelings would be hurt, but honestly I'd try to just ignore it and move on.  You're right that she may have forgotten or gotten distracted, and it's always possible you imagined an eyeroll.  Finally, since they're "just" cousins, you won't be dealing with them a ton in the future anyway (at least not as much as FI's immediate family, right?) and so I don't see a need to try and deal with this - that in and of itself could cause problems.  Just let it go and remember that you're not required to socialize with them, just be cordial :)
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_hurt-feelings-and-need-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:f3df2ff3-cbd2-4d5d-b605-f4c090c5b43dPost:99374f65-5415-435b-ab5b-799f45f7a506">Re: Hurt feelings and need advice</a>:
    [QUOTE]Yes, my feelings would be hurt, but honestly I'd try to just ignore it and move on.  You're right that she may have forgotten or gotten distracted, and it's always possible you imagined an eyeroll.  Finally, since they're "just" cousins, you won't be dealing with them a ton in the future anyway (at least not as much as FI's immediate family, right?) and so I don't see a need to try and deal with this - that in and of itself could cause problems.  Just let it go and remember that you're not required to socialize with them, just be cordial :)
    Posted by DrPB2b13[/QUOTE]

    This exactly. I'm sorry- some people are so rude.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_hurt-feelings-and-need-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:f3df2ff3-cbd2-4d5d-b605-f4c090c5b43dPost:99374f65-5415-435b-ab5b-799f45f7a506">Re: Hurt feelings and need advice</a>:
    [QUOTE]Yes, my feelings would be hurt, but honestly I'd try to just ignore it and move on.  You're right that she may have forgotten or gotten distracted, and it's always possible you imagined an eyeroll.  Finally, since they're "just" cousins, you won't be dealing with them a ton in the future anyway (at least not as much as FI's immediate family, right?) and so I don't see a need to try and deal with this - that in and of itself could cause problems.  Just let it go and remember that you're not required to socialize with them, just be cordial :)
    Posted by DrPB2b13[/QUOTE]
    So well said DrPB and I couldn't agree more!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_hurt-feelings-and-need-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:f3df2ff3-cbd2-4d5d-b605-f4c090c5b43dPost:99374f65-5415-435b-ab5b-799f45f7a506">Re: Hurt feelings and need advice</a>:
    [QUOTE]Yes, my feelings would be hurt, but honestly I'd try to just ignore it and move on.  You're right that she may have forgotten or gotten distracted, and it's always possible you imagined an eyeroll.  Finally, since they're "just" cousins, you won't be dealing with them a ton in the future anyway (at least not as much as FI's immediate family, right?) and so I don't see a need to try and deal with this - that in and of itself could cause problems.  Just let it go and remember that you're not required to socialize with them, just be cordial :)
    Posted by DrPB2b13[/QUOTE]
    agree
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  • Yeah I'd be really offended too.  How rude!  I agree that there's no need to address it.  It's cousins that you rarely see.  Try not to let it get to you.
  • Yesss I will deff be hurt too....I personally think you should give her a call or have your FI give her a call and just make sure  that everything is okay with her and let her know that you felt like there was something wrong the day of the shower.....GL:)
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  • I also agree with Abbe.
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  • So you got your FI's second cousin's FI a gift and she rolled her eyes? Wtf? I would be more slighted than upset, what a jerk! Ditto Abbe, at least you'll never see them.  I wouldn't say anything, it's not worth it.
  • Yes, I agree. It is not worth it to say anything. It amazes me how some people can be so rude.
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  • Thanks for listening. I really appreciate it. I am just going to ignore it. If something happens again that's extremely blatant than I will more than likely address the situation and ask her if I did something wrong. I have no control over the way other people choose to behave. All I can do is control the way I react and sometimes it's better to take the high road.
  • Sorry she did that to you! That is super rude!

    I wouldn't say anything, but I would remember it in the future and not go the extra mile for gifts (I think you mentioned you spent $75 on the gift for her? Which is a lot in my opinion!) and wouldn't bend over backwards helping her out.

    My FSIL is the same way. She does rude things, like ignoring me in conversations, etc. I have to remind myself not to do anything special or offer to do sutff for her since she doesn't appreciate it anyway. It is really hard for me, and sometimes I slip up, but it makes me feel better that I am not going the extra mile for her when she doesn't care and won't return the favor. If that makes sense?
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  • How rude, i would have been pissed & said something like "what, am i not good enough or something"? 

    Wanna feel better? MY SIL did not have my name on the invitation to his brother's wedding, just his name, we lived together for 4 years at that point & i do not think she expected me to stay home, no etiquette at all. I should have dealt with it then as it still bugs me now. 

    Last christmas my name was not on the envelope of the card either, nor was my son's on the inside.

    This year my name was again not on the envelope, have lived together for 5 years, engaged for 1, so i decided to snoop & see how she did the one for his other brother (they hang out alot, we do not, i do not bother unless at gatherings) & BOTH their names were on it. Boy was i pissed. My fiance was pissed too but never said anything, which he should have. At least my sons name was on the car this time. 

    Now hope you don't feel so bad, they are only cousins who you do not need to talk to after :P. 
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_hurt-feelings-and-need-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:f3df2ff3-cbd2-4d5d-b605-f4c090c5b43dPost:c98f6ab2-d811-4a8d-9e19-6f09f1b9d798">Re: Hurt feelings and need advice</a>:
    [QUOTE]How rude, i would have been pissed & said something like "what, am i not good enough or something"?  Wanna feel better? MY SIL did not have my name on the invitation to his brother's wedding, just his name, we lived together for 4 years at that point & i do not think she expected me to stay home, no etiquette at all. I should have dealt with it then as it still bugs me now.  Last christmas my name was not on the envelope of the card either, nor was my son's on the inside. This year my name was again not on the envelope, have lived together for 5 years, engaged for 1, so i decided to snoop & see how she did the one for his other brother (they hang out alot, we do not, i do not bother unless at gatherings) & BOTH their names were on it. Boy was i pissed. My fiance was pissed too but never said anything, which he should have. At least my sons name was on the car this time.  Now hope you don't feel so bad, they are only cousins who you do not need to talk to after :P. 
    Posted by sweetcanadian1979[/QUOTE]

    That's really rude of he of her to not put your name on and there is no reason for her to ignore your son even if he is older he is still a kid and shouldn't be made to feel like an outcast. Not his fault! I would be more pissed about her not acknowledging your son. Does she have kids? I think she would feel differently if you did something similar to her kids.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_hurt-feelings-and-need-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:f3df2ff3-cbd2-4d5d-b605-f4c090c5b43dPost:558b358e-bd20-4382-a7cc-d415d45ad19f">Re: Hurt feelings and need advice</a>:
    [QUOTE]Sorry she did that to you! That is super rude! I wouldn't say anything, but I would remember it in the future and not go the extra mile for gifts (I think you mentioned you spent $75 on the gift for her? Which is a lot in my opinion!) and wouldn't bend over backwards helping her out. My FSIL is the same way. She does rude things, like ignoring me in conversations, etc. I have to remind myself not to do anything special or offer to do sutff for her since she doesn't appreciate it anyway. It is really hard for me, and sometimes I slip up, but it makes me feel better that I am not going the extra mile for her when she doesn't care and won't return the favor. If that makes sense?
    Posted by doeie04[/QUOTE]


    I will probably keep a mental note of it and rethink how generous I am with them in the future. As vindictive as that sounds.
  • That is extremely rude! It isn't appropriate for aquaintences to act like that let alone relatives. I am really sorry that she acted like that. It is not vindictive to not go the extra mile for this person, there is no reason to do extras when it sounds like this person would not appreciate it anyways.
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