Thinking about getting engaged

SydneyCameron · December 2010

We are thinking about getting engaged, we have been dating for four years and have always talked about it. I know it seems young seeing that we are 19 and 22...but we haven't had the perfect relationship and we know how to get through our problems...so I wouldn't consider ourselves naive or blind because we are so in love. I know it really does sound young but it has been well thought out, discussed with both families and between each other. Both families are all for it, however we are both at separate schools and I am working on transferring to the same school he is at because it is my dream school and my good wholesome, christian girlfriends attend that university, which is something I wish to be a part of. So I am sorry for rambling but would a 2 year engagement be totally out of the question and viewed as ridiculous?

LisaChris2011 · December 2010

A two-year engagement isn't entirely ridiculous, no. Couples do it all the time. Not sure why, but maybe more due to logistics. But why get engaged now; why not wait a year or so then get engaged. I would suggest that instead.

SydneyCameron · December 2010

We were considering waiting a while and maybe even til summer, but the only problem is, his mom is being forceful about the whole situation....not too sure why, and she isn't pressuring him to she just brings it up ALL THE TIME

[Deleted User] · December 2010

Given your ages and that you are still in school, I think it is a really wise and mature decision that you wait a few years. Longer engagements are becoming more popular due to individual situations, etc. We were engaged for about 15 months.

megk8oz · December 2010

First off, 1.5-2 year long engagements are pretty common nowadays. It's when couples are engaged for like 4+ years without doing a single bit of planning that it starts to look "weird" to other people.

Second: If you get engaged now, I'd say wait until after you are both graduated before having the actual wedding. I really don't know any bride that tried to balance school and wedding planning at the same time and didn't end up totally (And unnecessarily) stressed out and resentful about the whole situation.

Plus, if it's really "right" for you to get married, it'll still be "right" if you wait a few years to get engaged. Why rush?

DanielleZZ · December 2010

I think having a long engagment is perfectly fine. My FI and I are 22/23 and got engaged while I was still in school. We decided to have an 18 month engagment so that we could wait to start planing til after graduation and still have time to get everthing done. Well...instead I got so excited that I couldnt wait to plan and ended up doing everything while I was still in school, I didnt get to overwhelmed but I have always worked best when I have a lot going on.
You should do what is best for your relationship and only you and your BF know what that is.

PS. about a year before he proposed my mom began to ask when we were getting married and I just told her "it will happen when it happens"
Good Luck

camichael84 · December 2010

In general, I don't think there's anything wrong with it. My brother proposed to my SIL when he was 20 and she was 19 (they were both still in school, as well). They had a two and a half year engagement. No one thought anything of it, and it worked for them.

However, only you and your BF know what will work for you. My suggestion is that you sit down, figure out together what you guys want, and go from there.

eternalmaria · December 2010

I don't personally see anything wrong with a 2 year engagement, but (I'm assuming because of your mention of Christian girlfriends) if you are trying to save sex for marriage, a two year engagement would make this very difficult. I would say get engaged now, and get married (I don't see anything wrong with that either, but perhaps I'm biased. I'm 18 getting married this june) or wait a year and then get engaged.

Really, it's your decision, so don't feel that there is only one right way, hope my imput helps!

SydneyCameron · December 2010

I know that I am going to sound like a total hypocrite now that I have mentioned my Christian ways and have not saved it for marriage, we have been together for 4 years and it actually happened for me pretty early into it. I think I was caught up with being in love and chose to...I am not saying it was the right or wrong decision for me because it definitely complicated things for us pretty early into the relationship but I also think it was good for us, because we had complicated things we were able to work through problems and hardships and choosing what was worth fighting about and what isn't. A part of me wishes I would've waited but then again he is the only person I plan on being with so I don't regret it.

eternalmaria · December 2010

Oh, I did not at ALL mean to sound judgemental. Being a Christian myself, I know that can be an issue for some in regards to temptation. Youre lifestyle is none of my business and please dont feel the need to explain youself to me! Wishing you the best.

bananafanafofashley · December 2010

Go for it. 2 years sounds like the perfect amount of time for someone your age and in your situation. I'm 5 years older than you and I am going to be engaged for 16 months. I would definitely do pre-marital counseling with your or his pastor though. I think anyone should, really!

SeptemberFall2011 · December 2010

My sister originally wanted a 2 year engagement but it got moved up quite quickly because of a surprise baby-I say go for it!

allisonkbye · December 2010

have him get that ring on your finger girl!!! trust me, when you start planning, with all your school stuff, you'll be glad you have a 2 year engagement. if you didn't have school though people wouldn't understand the long wait as much

luvdncn90 · December 2010

I am 19 and we are planning on waiting at least one more year before our official enagagement because we are both in school right now and he graduates in May of 11. It's hard to wait but in the end, we will both be graduated and stable when we do get married. Each couple is different and it really depends on how comfortable you are with where you are at in your relationship, school, careers, ect. No one knows your relationship better than you!

ljcowgirl · December 2010

If it makes you feel any better, I'm looking at what could eventually be a five-year engagement. My FI proposed a year before I got accepted to vet school 500 miles away. On the plus side, now we have a long time to save up, and I'm able to do a lot of looking around to find the best deals.

I will tell you though, it can be rough. We've been engaged for almost a year and a half now, and at this point, I just want to get married already.

No matter what anyone else thinks, you've got to do what's right for you. People are always gonna find something to judge, but as long as you're doing the right thing for your particular situation, who cares?

jmcm23 · December 2010

Not at all! My fiance and I just got engaged in November, and our planning to be married sometime in the late fall of 2012. I have always wanted a long engagement (atleast 2 years), because I want plenty of time to plan without being stressed, and I want us to enjoy this phase of our life! You only get to call him your fiance for a little while, so why rush it? Best of luck

sister2groom · December 2010

I realize some people get engaged and married young, so that in itself doesn't bother me. But this does:

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_thinking-getting-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:1bf86982-d496-447b-9e1c-1d88ff50b608Post:7e9f5db5-839e-42ef-a0b4-291b9351b450">Re: Thinking about getting engaged</a>:
[QUOTE]We were considering waiting a while and maybe even til summer, but the only problem is, his mom is being forceful about the whole situation....not too sure why, and she isn't pressuring him to she just brings it up ALL THE TIME
Posted by SydneyCameron[/QUOTE]

You make it sound like you are getting engaged because his mom wants you to, which is a bad idea. I think engagement is for when you are emotionally, pyschologically, etc. completely ready to be married and the only things preventing them from getting married are logistical issues that will be resolved in the near future (like you both want to graduate first and are on track to do so).

kalizoomba · December 2010

thats not at all weird - When my fiance first gave me my ring, he said he wanted to wait 7 years.... well after about 2 months he changed his mind. We're getting married about 15 months after we first got engaged.

cristina321 · December 2010

My FI and I have been dating for 5 years now. We got engaged this past July and are doing a two year engagement. We're both 21 and we want to wait until we graduate. So were getting married a month after I graduate.

There's nothing wrong with a two year engagement, just make sure its what you both want to do and not what anybody else says you should do. It's a long time...

deb84 · December 2010

A two year engagement isn't a big deal at all. Only you and your FI can decide what is right for you. Do what works for you and don't let your parents (or his) pressure you into anything. Marriage is a very serious thing. My FI and I are 24 and 26, we are having a 20 month engagement. It is what worked for us.

erollis · December 2010

Two years is fine. That gives you plenty of time to plan with hopefully minimal stress.

Our engagement is will be a day shy of 2 years. I am still in school and will still be in school when we get married. Between school and planning a wedding in a different city 2 years is plenty of time.

Just be sure to do what is best for the both of you. Don't let mom or anyone else pressure you to do anything.

SydneyCameron · December 2010

All this helps very much, thank you so much. We both want to, but he is worried about med school getting in the way now. So I don't think it will happen anytime soon.

erinfey09 · December 2010

My boyfriend and I are in the same exact situation. We have discussed it, picked out rings that I like, and have discussed things beyond marriage.

Im 19, almost 20, he's 21. We are both in school.

We came to the conclusion that waiting until we are financially stable in all aspects of our lives before he pops the question. Then we can relax and take our time planning the wedding, and not have to worry about things like "can we afford a house?", "if I get pregnant can we afford to have a child?", "will planning a wedding conflict with school?".

It was hard for me to grasp when he told me to stop talking about it and just WAIT; that perfect moment will come soon enough. Eventhough its hard to wait (trust me, I know the feeling), it think its best.

Good Luck!

Jessica2810 · December 2010

I say go for it! My FI and I have been together for 6 years and by the time we get married (next September) it would have been a 2 year engagement. I was in school still when we got engaged and we have 2 children together. I just planned everything slowly over the last year and a half. I'm just finshed up my last semester at school and now can focus more on the planning, although I got super excited in the beginning and don't have to much planning left : ) So go for it, it you feel its right for you! Your age doesn't mean anything when you know you have the right one!

Summer2011Bride · December 2010

I started dating my FI as a freshman in college. After being together a year, we were talking about marriage, and by three years, we were looking at rings. We were both still in school, didn't have hardly any money, and we were very impatient to just get engaged.
But we waited.
It was the best decision we've made. I know this is not right for everyone. I'm just telling you this to show that it IS Ok to wait. I know it seems like a long time and you just want to get engaged NOW b/c that's how I felt for years!!! But waiting until we were financially stable, out of school, and on our own completely was a very wise decision for us. Do what is best for you, but know that it can still be great if you wait.

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