Second Weddings

Sand Cermony question

My FI and I both have children from our previous marriages (he has a 9 yo son & I have an 8 yo son) and we would like to include them in with our sand cermony we will be doing. The reading we will be using also includes our children and I was trying to figure out how we should do this.  
The way we wanted to do it at first would be for me to have a jar of sand, my FI to have a jar of sand, and our boys to have a jar of sand (and then of course pour them all together to show the joining of us all). However the more I think about it, would it make more sense to just have the 2 jars and 1 would be for both FI and his son and the other for myself and my son? I've never actually been to a wedding where they did a sand cermony so wasn't sure how this would be handled in our situation. Any ideas? TIA! 

(Also posted this on the cermony ideas board)

Re: Sand Cermony question

  • Assuming you are already committed to doing this (many here are not fans), then I think that the 4 jars symbolizes 4 individuals combining together into a family unit whereas the 2 jars sets up more of a we/they vibe to me and aligns the child with the parent and counter to each other.  The wedding is the joining of the couple, and while your goal in eventual joining of the entire group as a family, one ceremony doesn't do it.  Nor do the children have any choice in the matter.
    What message are you seeking to send? ~Donna
  • We did the sand ceremony, the reading was simple about how the sands mingle so do our lives and in doing so create a family who will share life's ups and downs. 

    We each had a different color of sand and took turns pouring it into the blended jar.  This ceremony although frowned upon here - actually was something both my DH and DSD wanted. 


    Granted our daughter was days away from 18, but everything that involved her was of her choosing.

    OAN: my DSD's bio-mom passed away last week and we will be dealing with that for a while yet; the bio-mom succeeded in drinking herself to death,  So the DSD feeling loved and accepted by me has been very important to her. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_sand-cermony-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:6687f05f-dbcf-46b3-a97c-60a46f28d552Post:5c2fa9d7-397d-4163-af38-5566376759fc">Re: Sand Cermony question</a>:
    [QUOTE]We did the sand ceremony, the reading was simple about how the sands mingle so do our lives and in doing so create a family who will share life's ups and downs.  We each had a different color of sand and took turns pouring it into the blended jar.  This ceremony although frowned upon here - actually was something both my DH and DSD wanted.  Granted our daughter was days away from 18, but everything that involved her was of her choosing. OAN: my DSD's bio-mom passed away last week and we will be dealing with that for a while yet; the bio-mom succeeded in drinking herself to death,  So the DSD feeling loved and accepted by me has been very important to her. 
    Posted by MikesAngie[/QUOTE]

    What a beautiful bride and family! Yea we really want to do the sand ceremony...our wedding is outside so a unity candle is not an option and sand cermonies are pretty common here in my area. We wanted to include our kids and figured this would be a great way to do it! Having a sand cermony was never a question about whether we should do it or not...just how we should incorporate it. Why are sand cermonies frowned upon there??? (I used to live in the east bay area for about a year back in 2007-2008).
  • The most comprehesive comments are in the two stickie posts about family involvement, up above.  Mostly its a disagreement with involving children in a ceremony that is the joining of two adults.  Some of it is about how it can be imposed on children without their participation/ consent, and how it makes them feel, particularly when their other bio parent is still involved. ~Donna
  • Ang - I am so sorry to hear about SD's bio-mom passing :(
  • Thanks Marrin, the SD is handling things pretty well - we spend a lot of time assisting her.  It's a sad deal but at least my DSD has two loving parents who are totally supportive of her.  Her bio-mom was out of the picture and the relationship was broken and the bio-mom did nothing to repair it when she had the opportunity. 

    On that note this is why the sand ceremony was so important to both my DH and DSD - it is now an outward symbol to DSD that through life's ups and downs she has her dad and me. 
  • Thanks rkw, if you need suggestions on how to create your own sand ceremony kit.  I can tell you how we did ours and see if that works for you. 
  • I definitely think you need 4 jars.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards