Just Engaged and Proposals

He won't set a date :(

My fiancé and I have been together for almost 7 years and have been engaged for over 3 years and in that time, I unexpectedly (though happily!) became pregnant and we are (IMHO) really great parents to our son. The problem is our son is now 2, and I am graduating nursing school in 6 months, at which time we plan to buy a home as soon as we possibly can following graduation (and, hopefully, me getting a job). I tried to talk to my fiancé this week about setting a date for next springtime/summertime, and he seemed agreeable until I said I wanted to tell my family. He uses the excuse that he wants to be sure we are in our own home ( we moved back in with my parents when I discovered I was pregnant during nursing school). He says he does not want to get married as long as we are living with my parents. However, I feel that if we wait until we have officially purchased and moved into a new home, we won't have the money for even more years for a wedding. I tried explaining this to him, and he still doesn't want to commit to an actual date. Am I being unreasonable, or is he afraid to commit to a day to get this done?

Re: He won't set a date :(

  • I'm not sure what kind of wedding you have in mind but if you are talking about something with a decent price tag on it, I would side eye you spending money on a wedding if you are living with your parents.  You guys DO need to be out on your own and settled before you spend the money for the dress, party, etc.

    What is your vision for your wedding?
  • erolliserollis member
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    Ask yourself this. Is being married more important or having a big, fancy wedding more important? 

    There are plenty of people who get married while they live with one set of parents them move out a month or so later. I have heard of couples getting married then going through a rough patch and moving in with a set of parents. 




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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_he-wont-set-a-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:abeee2fe-5034-4c8d-9063-da4a98d27fa3Post:6efd26bf-2a7e-45af-bcaf-08f45503cf05">Re: He won't set a date :(</a>:
    [QUOTE]I guess I don't really see why you didn't get married long ago.  If you were already engaged, why didn't you go ahead and get married once you learned you were pregnant?  Or after your son was born?  Or in the two years since his birth? Note that I'm talking about getting married, not about having a big white pretty princess day.  In your situation -- school, financial straits, living with parents -- I think it would be odd to have a big blowout, but I also think it's odd to put off getting married at all.  What are you waiting for?
    Posted by LucyHC[/QUOTE]

    I'm in agreement with this. I think getting married is important in this situation. You can do a reception/housewarming when you get your home. There is no shame in a small wedding.
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  • edited May 2012
    Been with Fi 13 years, have 3 kids and we waited to get married because I wanted my 'dream' wedding.  Maybe she wants to wait until she can have that big party... I know i would not have been happy with a courthouse wedding.  

    That being said.... I think your fi has a good point.  I would be hesitant to set a wedding date as well until I was settled. If you don't want the big wedding, how about a small intimate one with just close family and friends.  You could have it in your new home and combine it with your housewarming like a pp said (which would allow you to set the tentative date now if you know when you plan to buy the house).  Or you could move in and then have an inexpensive wedding at a park/community center (keeping it small will keep costs down and you can have the wedding day without breaking the bank).
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