• Images
  • Text
  • Find a Couple + Registry
GO
Ohio-Cincinnati

NEED ADVICE!

Fiance and I decided to have no kids at our reception.  It has created quite the problem with his family because one of his brothers has kids.  They are both under 3 and I don't think attention should be on them on OUR day.  They are allowed to come to the church for the ceremony and family pictures, but I think the party at night should be adults only.

The one problem is we are the only ones in the area, all our guests are traveling from Michigan, Illinois, and New Jersey.  I don't expect them to bring sitters along so we are supplying one for the reception.  We aren't even allowing our flower girl at the reception! 

His family is really mad about this and his mom threatened to not come to the reception and stay back at the hotel with her grandkids.  I don't know what they don't get about it.  My parents are paying for the wedding and I don't think the reception is a place for kids.

Does anyone else have advice or in the same boat?  There are a lot of other guests in the same situation and not having a cow about it.  Do we have a valid argument or are we being crazy? 

Our wedding is still 8 months away and the fighting has already started! HELP!!!

Re: NEED ADVICE!

  • mschneid02mschneid02 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    ugh.  We did have similar problems but far less drama.  We allowed the kids of our siblings (who were all from out of town).  My sister won't leave her kids with a baby sitter, so when the kids got tired (early on), they left with their father.  Honestly, if you are cool with them at the ceremony, why bother to exclude them from the reception?  You could always put them at a table far away from yours if you are worried.  You said you are having a babysitter at the reception site?  Won't the kids just get tired and need to sleep if they are under 3???  It would make more sense to me to have the sitter be at the hotel if it's an evening wedding. Plus, you won't pay full price for the kids.

    other people with kids came without their spouse or found other arrangements, but with young kids it's hard to do that.  and with immediate family, you might want everyone to attend.  We did take a hard line with everyone but siblings. 

    Our 2 yr old niece danced the night away and was the cutest thing.  It did not take ANYTHING away from our day . Honestly, the kids were more disruptive at the ceremony (but that didn't bother us).  the pictures of our niece on my husband's lap when her mom was giving a toast... priceless.
  • Ashes_3Ashes_3 member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 25 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011

    They may not be that bad. If you make a little area for them (play area) and have the person who was suppose to be babysitting them with them there, you may not even notice them. Give them some crayons and legos or something!

  • edited December 2011
    Okay, I hear what you are saying about your wishes for the big evening, but you might need to take a step back.
    Is all of the ill will created by this decision worth it? I mean, if your relationship with your future in-laws is strained over this, I would seriously think about the decision. A wedding is one day, but this is the beginning of your new life with these folks and your decision to exclude the children may not be the best way to get started. I think I would err on the side of accomodating my new family, not creating division.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • edited December 2011
    Thanks for the input.

    The babysitter will be at the hotel. Reception doesn't start until 7, so it's getting late for the little ones to begin with.  Also, if we allow his brother's kids to come, we have to allow all the kids to come including our cousin's kids and family friends.  I think if we make an exception for one, it's not fair to everyone else who listened to our wishes.

    My fiance feels just as stronlgy about not having kids and it's his own family. So he is creating the fued with his parents as well.  The past 6 weddings we have been to, there have been no kids so I know we are not the only ones feeling this way.
  • edited December 2011
    I disagree that she should have to allow any of these kids at her reception. I am having a nice downtown wedding and I don't want kids there either. It's not that I'm worried about them stealing attention from me....I just think it's an adult affair and don't want kids there.Honestly, when people start threatening not to come for things as stupid as this....maybe you dont want them there anyway...but I realize that's easier said than done...
    www.ourdeliciouslife.com
  • edited December 2011
    Wow that is a lot of drama. We are having an adults-only reception as well, saying that college kids are the cutoff. Anyone under college-age is not invited. We both have HUGE families and are not at all interested in a HUGE budget to pay for children's finger foods and others. I understand what you're going through. Just remember after your wedding people will say to you how wonderful it was not to have to deal with kiddies!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • edited December 2011
    I think it's really nice that you're setting up a child care option for people.  Not all receptions are kid friendly, so if you don't want them there, I don't think you should have to do it.  Especially if you two are like-minded about it.  Maybe once things have cooled off a bit you can re-approach the subject?  It sounds like emotions are running high.

    It stinks that you have to balance that with family relationships.  :(
  • mschneid02mschneid02 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I disagree that if you have the kids of immediate family that you have to have ALL the kids.  These are your nieces and nephews, after all.  We did that and it was fine.

    Wait - why does the brother WANT his kids to come so badly?  I'd think they'd welcome the free babysitting.  I mean, the kids aren't going to have any fun if the reception starts at 7.  Is it b/c they don't want to leave their kids or b/c they think that on principle they should be invited?
  • edited December 2011
    It's not even that the brother wants his kids there. His mom is insisting that it's a family celebration and they should be included. We keep saying that this is a very nice, adult affair and it's not the place for kids.  That's why we are including them at our afternoon ceremony so they can be in family pictures.
  • sambarnettsambarnett member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011

    Ok... here it is. I have been married for over 8 years now, so this is experience talking. One day you will look back on this and see how silly it is. UNLESS your reception is somewhere unsafe for kids (like a boat) why not have them? You say this is YOUR big day... you are wrong. It is the coming together of 2 families... although it is very special for you and your husband-to-be do you not think it is equally important to your parents? Siblings? These are your neices and nephews! These are the people that love you and have supported you all of your life (or his) and will be around to lean on for the rest of it! Is is really worth it? Weddings are about family... not just you (I say this with love).
    If this is just about too many people than you should make a cut off point... like maybe the second cousins are not invited.. or that aunt you only see two times a year.

  • natnat101natnat101 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I hate kids! they should never be allowed at a wedding..Stick with your plan!
  • mschneid02mschneid02 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I say that the PARENTS of the kids should have the ultimate decision.  Say that you are excited about celebrating your ceremony with the kids, you have set up this babysitting option b/c you thought it would be more comfortable for them to really be able to enjoy themselves and so the kids get proper rest... and if the brother and wife think that this is better than having them at the reception than tell HIM to tell the mother to shove off.  You stay out of it.  I suspect the brother and his wife will have some pretty good arguments as to why it will be a GIANT pain to have their kids there (example: my brother in law LEFT EARLY b/c they wouldn't leave the kdis with a sitter.  Is that really a family affair???)
  • edited December 2011

    Here's the thing.  It is going to be a very unpopular decision with those with little ones.  I had kids at my wedding.  Was it a big deal?  No.  They were super cute.  We had talked about doing an adult only reception, but there are too many kids that would have been missed.  I didn't want to create any more headaches than the ones I already had. 

    That being said.  If this is important to you, stick to your guns.  You're doing a good thing with the babysitter already.  The parents will be right there.  You need to have FI on board so he can talk to his mother.  You don't want to start a rift this early (they don't go away!!).   If he can tell his mom that it is both of your decision, it may be easier for her.  It also might help if you tell her what fun activities the babysitter will have available (coloring books, games, toys, whatever.) 


    I do want to ask who is paying.  If the in laws are paying for a chunk, then that creates more of a problem.  If you're paying for it yourselves, then it's your party. 


  • mschneid02mschneid02 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    the more i think about it, the more i think you should strategize here. is FI close to his brother?

    FI: dude - mom's crazy.  i guess we could invite your kids (*cough**cough - because that's not really true).  But don't you think it would be better if they stayed with the babysitter?  i really want to hang out with you and there's a better chance of that if the kids aren't there.
    Brother: yeah, dude, you are so right.
    ...later that day...

    MIL: i'm crazy!  invite the kids,
    You (or better FI): you know, we really did consider it. but we talked to Brother and you know, mom, the kids aren't going to have a good time.  it'll be so much more fun for them if they can color in the room and get to bed at a good time.  You know, we aren't serving dinner until 7:30 and i'd be so worried about little Sally waiting that long for a decent meal.

    You see?  so you WOULD invite them, but your hands are tied because Brother thinks it would be better for them to be at the hotel.
  • edited December 2011
    My parents are paying for the wedding and they are VERY strongly against kids.  Which just helps sway our decision.

    Also, fiance and brother aren't THAT close.  His brother and sister in law are pretty crazy actually and are very unappreciative.  They aren't the loving, thankful family members.  When both babies were born, they held their kids like crazy so when we did try to hold them, they were unfamiliar and would cry the whole time.  I guess you would just have to know the background about his brother's family...
  • edited December 2011
    stick to your guns! if FMIL wants to stay back with the kids so be it. you're not forcing her too and you've given them a great option!
  • edited December 2011
    I would love to have an adults-only reception, but my fiance has a huge family with tons of nieces and nephews.  Their parents (his sisters, mostly) will refuse to attend if they can't bring their kids.  That would be fine, except we're having a small wedding with family and close friends only.  Without his family, there would only be about fifteen people there.  We're hiring babysitters and have a separate room booked for movies and coloring.
    image


    "I wish I could have sparkly tits every single day of my life." --MUNI
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards