October 2012 Weddings

Bridesmaid with an eating disorder

One of my bridesmaids (longtime friend) has over the last six month developed an eating disorder.  She's was a healthy weight before and has now dropped a ton of weight.  I talked to her about it a few months ago because I was worried she'd become obsessed and she blew me off.  When I talk to her she makes it seem like she was only eating one small meal a day.  She also recently told me that she isn't getting periods anymore. 
She is now on some 9 day cleanser of shakes and barely any food and has lost 5 pounds she didn't have to lose in the first place.  She is completely obsessed, and the bulk of her conversations revolve around dieting and/or exercise.  I'm really worried about her, I was trying to hold off talking to her about it again until after the wedding, but I'm starting to feel like a bad friend for holding off to "not cause drama."  All of our friends are gossiping about it, but no one has talked to her about it.  I keep encouraging them to say something to her, but I'm the only one that has attempted to approach her about it so far. 
I just want opinions, WWYD?
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Re: Bridesmaid with an eating disorder

  • I would look at eating disorder prevention/assistance websites and see what they recommend saying to her so she doesn't feel attacked. It's a sticky subject but it sounds like she's doing a lot of damage to herself. Good luck!
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  • I definitely would talk to her about it again. Just be very gentle and sincere (as I'm sure you already were/are with her) and let her know that you are just very worried about her and care for her a lot, you don't want to see her hurting herself.

    You'll feel much better talking with her about it now than you will if you don't talk to her about it until after your wedding. That's my opinion, at least.
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  • Careful with this. If she truly has an eating disorder, it's a mental illness that needs treatment. Someone in my family suffered from an eating disorder so this is pretty close to my heart. 

    Honestly, I would recommend talking to her about it after the wedding. It could so dramatically impact your relationship with her to say something that it's just a topic I wouldn't bring up so close to the wedding. And not just for your benefit: people with eating disorders are so sensitive to how people view them that it could ruin the day for her if she thinks everyone is "watching" her. 

    Trust me: an "intervention" isn't the way to go. I know I'm taking this super seriously (sorry for the downer answer!), but I want to offer the best advice possible after going through this with someone close to me. 

    After the wedding, talk with her as a concerned and loving friend letting her know you're there for her. She'll likely have some things to work through and will need your support. 
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