FMIL Dress

aegifford · July 2010

This sounds really terrible of me, but I'm going to say it anyway to get some insight... My FMIL wants to wear a red dress that she wore to my FSIL's wedding. It's a lovely dress, but I think it's going to clash with my color scheme. I'm using apricot and camo, and although my main focus isn't the camo, that still means there's going to be green accents throughout our decor and the men's tuxedo vests. I'm afraid that it might look Christmas-y in some pictures, like when she's standing next to my fiance and such. Even bigger than that, my FBIL is getting married a month and a half before us, and I'm sure she'll want to wear it then, too. IMO, I think she should wear something different. I mean, she's going to have three sets of pictures from three of her childrens' weddings, but she'll be wearing the same thing in all of them. I know that if it were me (and I realize it isn't), I would want to change it up a bit. This is probably pretty shallow of me to even consider, but I'd be a liar if I said it didn't bother me at least a little bit.

How do I nicely suggest that she find another dress? Money is very tight for her, so would it be in my better interest to offer to buy her a reasonably priced dress for our wedding day?

waltzingmatilda13 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_fmil-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:15Discussion:6d6ff1c5-aa60-4335-bbc4-c355ebffb855Post:230df3f8-b89f-4751-ae74-24c965c72dfc">FMIL Dress</a>:
[QUOTE]This sounds really terrible of me, but I'm going to say it anyway to get some insight... My FMIL wants to wear a red dress that she wore to my FSIL's wedding. It's a lovely dress, but I think it's going to clash with my color scheme. I'm using apricot and camo, and although my main focus isn't the camo, that still means there's going to be green accents throughout our decor and the men's tuxedo vests. I'm afraid that it might look Christmas-y in some pictures, like when she's standing next to my fiance and such. Even bigger than that, my FBIL is getting married a month and a half before us, and I'm sure she'll want to wear it then, too. IMO, I think she should wear something different. I mean, she's going to have three sets of pictures from three of her childrens' weddings, but she'll be wearing the same thing in all of them. I know that if it were me (and I realize it isn't), I would want to change it up a bit. This is probably pretty shallow of me to even consider, but I'd be a liar if I said it didn't bother me at least a little bit. How do I nicely suggest that she find another dress? Money is very tight for her, so would it be in my better interest to offer to buy her a reasonably priced dress for our wedding day?
Posted by aegifford[/QUOTE]

I don't think you have a any right to tell her to get a new dress. She's a grown woman and gets to dress herself. And if you already know that money is tight for her I don't think she's needs you reminding her by suggesting she buy a new dress or even offering to buy her a new one. I think this is just one of those things that you have to let go. And unless your entire wedding is in green, I don't think her red dress is going to make anything look like Christmas in the pictures.

Manwaithiel · July 2010

I think you answered your own question.

You do NOT suggest she find another dress. I can't think of a single polite way you could say this without it being really hurtful. Especially if she's low on fundage.

You could offer to buy her a dress as a present from you and your FI for the wedding. Or you could just say "Hey let's go dress shopping! My treat!" Though if she's already raved about what she's wearing, she might see underneath the underneath if you get my drift.

But PLEASE don't say "I really think you should go find a different dress." Before I even read your statement about her finances, I was beginning to suspect that her wearing the same dress to all 3 events was about that.

No one is going to think that the color clashes with your color scheme. If they do, it's really just not worth getting stressed over. Do not treat her like a bridesmaid. I don't think you're meaning to do that, but you're edging towards it.

And what she wears to someone else's wedding is not really any of your concern.

Sloane99 · July 2010

I don't think what she's wearing sounds bad and she's not required to blend into any colour scheme for any reason. None of your guests are and as for her wearing the same thing to all three weddings you certainly don't get any jurisdiction over that.

No one is going to be thinking anything but you and I fear you may look like a brat if you suggest she gets something new even if you pay for it. I have no suggestions on how to phrase this without it sounding either insulting to her financial situation or to her personal taste given that it's not an entirely selfless reason you would be doing so.

tldh · July 2010

I asked my mom if she wanted to wear any of the dresses she wore in my brothers' weddings. Dad and the boys will be wearing the same suits they wore to the youngest's wedding. I don't want my parents spending any extra money when they already have perfectly nice clothes that will be suitable. I really don't care that her MOG dresses wouldn't fit into my color scheme. Nothing says they have to and your guests aren't going to be making judgments on it.

Craftyrei2 · July 2010

I would just be honest and tell her you're worried about the color scheme. Any reasonable person would understand that. My brother asked me to dye my hair for his wedding because it was dark blue and their colors were sage green and white. I would have stuck out like a sore thumb in their photos! So I went blonde for awhile, no big deal. If she's short on cash, go shopping with her and buy a new dress.

aegifford · July 2010

In all fairness, she did ask me for my opinion. I wasn't sure what to say at first, so I just played it off, "oh we've got tons of time to figure that out; the wedding isn't until June." I know it sounds completely horrible of me and I'm normally not one to care how others dress, so I guess this shouldn't be any different. I guess I just got caught up in the fact that it's our big day. And although she isn't in the wedding party per se, she is still a big part of the celebration, just as my mother will be. I definitely don't want to come off as a brat or Bridezilla, and all of your responses did help me realize how petty it is to worry about, so thank you. I'm glad I now have one less thing to worry about.

FutureMrsRoss2010 · July 2010

My mother drove me nuts asking whether or not she should wear a dress she wore for my sister's wedding 6 years ago. The dress is beautiful, the color was fine, and I really REALLY didn't care. But then I appointed a very metro guy friend to make the decisions I don't care about (best decision I made), and he pointed out that although it might not matter if she wears the same thing the day of, and the guests probably won't know, if she plans on putting up pictures of the weddings around the house, then you'd notice, especially if the pictures are side by side. My mother thought that was a good point - and that made it about her opinion, not mine. Just thought I'd share my experience.

Could you find some sort of accessory that will change it up and make it more special for your day, like a shawl that works with both her dress and your color? Would be a nice gift and easier than offering to buy her a new dress.

Knittibell · July 2010

Wait, Camo like... Camouflage? Well, that just blends in with the background so you'll be fine!

In all honestly the M's don't actually need to match anyone. And if she's wearing bright red it's far less likely fi will accidently be shot by a hunter whilst she is near by.

Really, it'll all be fine!

FMIL Dress

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