Gap of 2 hours in between the church and reception

smbanuls · August 2011

Hello NJ Brides,

I'm getting married in the Seasons, NJ (Washington Township) and I will have a gap of 2 hours in between the church and reception.

Do you have any idea of what I could do to fill out this time? Is there anything that my guests can make in the area?

Thanks tons!

christin228 · August 2011

I went to a wedding a few months ago that had a 2 hour gap. A lot of the guests went back to the bar at the hotel they were staying at (not something arranged by teh couple, just something the guests decided to do). The only bad thing is that everyone was so hungry after the ceremony that they all ordered appetizers, and then when the 2 hours passed and we went back for cocktail hour, the people who ordered at the bar hardly ate the food.

DoubleAS · August 2011

It's OK for the bridal party since this is the time when most of the pictures are taken. In the past, if I've gone to the Church I usually just go home to get dressed for the reception. If people are coming from far distances, that's where the "what to do now" comes into play, unfortunately.

Laurms15 · August 2011

We had a two hour gap too. Local ppl went home the others went to the hotel and then we had a shuttle pick them up and take them to the reception. So that ate up some of the time and gave them a reason to go to the hotel (so they didn't have to drive to the reception)

MCRM22011 · August 2011

When I traveled to weddings, I honestly just grabbed a coffee along the way to the venue and then went to the venue early. I remember sitting in my car one time (in the cold).It pretty much sucks, but the bride and groom need to take pictures. My gap is only about an hour and I am stressing that I don't have enough time for pictures, but unfortunately, I can't do anything about it now. The GSP is near is the Seasons and so is the Paramus Park Mall. Although it would be annoying to walk around in fancy clothes, it is an option to suggest to people.

37 Butter Knives · August 2011

Two hours isn't that bad - typically, gaps are at least 3. How far away is the church? Travel can eat up a lot of that time. Spread the word to out-of-town guests about places to go. Maybe a mall? They'd be overdressed, but it's not that big a deal.

LissyM83 · August 2011

Two hours isn't bad. People who live in the area can go home to relax and change. OOT'ers can go back to the hotel.

odonnellalys · August 2011

Like the other posters, I don't think you need to do anything. Out of towners will go to the hotel, lots of people will go home to get changed. Others can run and grab a coffee or something to kill time. I've done all of the above for different weddings I've been to. No one should be upset.

buttrflyah · August 2011

I totally understand the gap, I think it just most hard when you don't know the area. I dealt with this for one wedding I went to and it was so annoying... I was literally driving in circles trying to find some place to stop and do anything to waste time. Maybe just find a few places in the area that people could stop at for a drink and spread the word. Then people can decide on their own what to do.

ginabean82 · August 2011

To be completely honest, if I'm going to a wedding where there is a gap like that, I usually just skip out on the church completely and just go straight to the reception. I know of a lot of other people who do this as well.

peaches178 · August 2011

I think it's really funny that so many of you are saying a two hour gap isn't a big deal. As a guest, I despise gaps that are any longer than 30 minutes more than the amount of time it takes to drive from the ceremony venue to the reception venue. I think it's incredibly rude to make guests wait around (especially if it's just so the bride and groom can take tons of photographs), but apparently I'm in the minority on this board.

blueboxblues · August 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_gap-of-2-hours-between-church-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:87917d2c-c6e5-4bcf-a19c-6107658713b2Post:0f937c14-bac9-42ca-9b8e-45ab1b6e7c94">Re: Gap of 2 hours in between the church and reception</a>:
[QUOTE]I think it's really funny that so many of you are saying a two hour gap isn't a big deal. As a guest, I despise gaps that are any longer than 30 minutes more than the amount of time it takes to drive from the ceremony venue to the reception venue. I think it's incredibly rude to make guests wait around (especially if it's just so the bride and groom can take tons of photographs), but apparently I'm in the minority on this board.
Posted by peaches178[/QUOTE]

I agree...I recently attended a wedding with an almost 3 1/2 hour gap and it was practically painful. The hotel where the reception was had cookies for us. After an hour everyone was falling asleep in the lobby because no one had eaten since breakfast (except for the cookies). OP, you could talk to the reception venue and see if they have suggestions.

JoBell123 · August 2011

I went to a wedding with a 3 hour gap just over an hour away from home. Not enough time to go home and relax, too much time to go right to the reception.

We ended up going to a diner because we were starving, then hanging around Barnes & Noble. Everyone does that their party dresses and suits, right?

EDIT: I'm not complaining here. I just meant, if there's a gap and they can't go home or to a hotel, people will find something to do on their own. You don't have to plan something for them. But if you have suggestions on what to do, then I'm sure they'd be welcomed.

37 Butter Knives · August 2011

Telling the OP she's being rude because she's not having her ceremony at the venue and (presumably) not doing a first look is, well, rude. And not helping her out or answering her question. This is NOT the thread to spout off on how much you despise gaps. That being said, OP, you can expect a few no-shows at the church, but if you're having your ceremony at a church, chances are your closest friends and family are familiar with gaps. Maybe they'd prefer not to wait for the party, maybe they're indifferent, but most will still show up.

peaches178 · August 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_gap-of-2-hours-between-church-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:87917d2c-c6e5-4bcf-a19c-6107658713b2Post:aab7d841-aaba-40a0-b1d1-461daaeba15b">Re: Gap of 2 hours in between the church and reception</a>:
[QUOTE]Telling the OP she's being rude because she's not having her ceremony at the venue and (presumably) not doing a first look is, well, rude. And not helping her out or answering her question. That being said, OP, expect a few no-shows at the church, but if you're having your ceremony at a church, chances are your closest friends and family are familiar with gaps. Maybe they won't like it, but most will still show up.
Posted by 37 Butter Knives[/QUOTE]
It's pretty obvious that it's rude to make people wait around for you when you're hosting a party - especially one in which people may be traveling far distances. I never said it's wrong to have the ceremony and reception in different places or that it's necessary for a couple to do a first look... there obviously are other ways to have a shorter gap (ie: do pictures with the bride and groom separate and with their families beforehand so they don't see each other and then do pictures together after the ceremony, have a longer cocktail hour that the guests can attend at the reception venue while pictures are being taken, etc).

My answer to her question about what guests can do during the gap she's planning is that it's rude to make them wait around like that, period. And, actually, my response was more directed at the people (including you) who said the gap isn't that bad. I was simply giving my opinion in response to yours.

And you're the pot calling the kettle black, my dear, because you make "rude" comments to people all the time (including just now) so please get over yourself.

37 Butter Knives · August 2011

*eyeroll* I'm so glad I don't know you in real life, Peaches. And yes, I do own up to being rude here at times. But you should also get over yourself, MY DEAR. Many churches won't do ceremonies after a certain time. Many venues won't start a party until after a certain time. When this happens, there will be a gap, and that generally can't be avoided. Or do you believe everyone who gets married at a church is required to have their reception at the church gym?

goaliegirl · August 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_gap-of-2-hours-between-church-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:87917d2c-c6e5-4bcf-a19c-6107658713b2Post:0f937c14-bac9-42ca-9b8e-45ab1b6e7c94">Re: Gap of 2 hours in between the church and reception</a>:
[QUOTE]I think it's really funny that so many of you are saying a two hour gap isn't a big deal. As a guest, I despise gaps that are any longer than 30 minutes more than the amount of time it takes to drive from the ceremony venue to the reception venue. I think it's incredibly rude to make guests wait around (especially if it's just so the bride and groom can take tons of photographs), but apparently I'm in the minority on this board.
Posted by peaches178[/QUOTE]

I agree with Peaches....I hates long gaps! I will admit that unless it is a family member or really close friend, I will skip out on the church if there is that long of a gap. So be prepared for that.

If I am a guest and not right near my house, I have no desire to go sit at a hotel that I am not staying at, I can't go back home and I don't want to drive around in circles waiting for the cocktail hour to start, so quite frankly I just skip it!

smbanuls · August 2011

Thanks Girls! You are the best! I'll let you know what we will do when I decide with my fiancee!

cdelrio10 · August 2011

I'm getting married at the Seasons too, and I have a long gap in between my church and reception - if you're doing your room block at the Hilton in Woodcliff Lake, they have a nice bar where guests can go in between. There's also Tices Corner which is a little shopping area with nice stores and a Panera. Also, the Seasons will accept guests early (like an hr early) and provide beverage service for them.

I don't think it's rude to have a gap, you've gotta do what you've gotta do sometimes. My fiance and I purposely made a gap so we'll be able to join our cocktail hour and greet our guests. We've done the long gap between ceremony and venue before and we've made the time pass by, its not that big of a deal. If people want to go to your ceremony, they will, regardless of the time gap or not.

When is your wedding?

LissyM83 · August 2011

Our ceremony (full mass - 1hr) starts at 2pm in Westchester and our CH starts at 6:30pm in New Jersey. By the time we leave the church it'll be 3:30 (since we have to say hello to everyone after). Then from 3:45-4:30/45 we'll be taking pictures & then have to travel over the TZ Bridge during rush hour on a Friday night. It's not ideal but the reason why we have the long gap is so everyone has enough time to go home, get ready and get to where they have to go.

Everyone has their own opinion when it comes to this topic but you need to do what works best for you and your FH. Being snotty towards eachother isn't going to solve anything. We're all here to help e/o.

peaches178 · August 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_gap-of-2-hours-between-church-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:87917d2c-c6e5-4bcf-a19c-6107658713b2Post:214acc73-736e-453e-84dc-97ac440553b6">Re: Gap of 2 hours in between the church and reception</a>:
[QUOTE]*eyeroll* I'm so glad I don't know you in real life, Peaches. And yes, I do own up to being rude here at times. But you should also get over yourself, MY DEAR. Many churches won't do ceremonies after a certain time. Many venues won't start a party until after a certain time. When this happens, there will be a gap, and that generally can't be avoided. Or do you believe everyone who gets married at a church is required to have their reception at the church gym?
Posted by 37 Butter Knives[/QUOTE]
Bwahaha!
1. That has to be one of the funniest and most immature responses I've read on this board in a long time.
2. I'm going to assume your absurd question at the end was rhetorical in an attempt to make me out to be stupid and/or lacking common sense... though I think you may have achieved the opposite result with your last two posts in this thread.

peaches178 · August 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_gap-of-2-hours-between-church-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:87917d2c-c6e5-4bcf-a19c-6107658713b2Post:8157de2a-41c0-4945-abbf-3cfcb2d9d6dc">Re: Gap of 2 hours in between the church and reception</a>:
[QUOTE]Our ceremony (full mass - 1hr) starts at 2pm in Westchester and our CH starts at 6:30pm in New Jersey. By the time we leave the church it'll be 3:30 (since we have to say hello to everyone after). Then from 3:45-4:30/45 we'll be taking pictures & then have to travel over the TZ Bridge during rush hour on a Friday night. It's not ideal but the reason why we have the long gap is so everyone has enough time to go home, get ready and get to where they have to go. Everyone has their own opinion when it comes to this topic but you need to do what works best for you and your FH. Being snotty towards eachother isn't going to solve anything. We're all here to help e/o.
Posted by LissyM83[/QUOTE]
Besides the response I received from Butter Knives, I don't think anyone was being snotty. This is a public forum and ever since I first joined the board people have been helpful because they've been honest. If someone is going to do something that people may feel is rude, then it should be perfectly fine to tell that person as much. I'd rather people on this board give me honest opinions and let me decide for myself what I'm going to do, as opposed to saying that everything looks/sounds good and then I wind up feeling like an ass afterwards or realize that there were better alternatives.

lisab711 · August 2011

Personally, I think a gap is really tough on guests who don't live close to the reception. If no one gives them any ideas on what to do they end up getting a little annoyed. However, most people enjoy having a drink or two in between, so how about providing them information on some local bars/hotel bars and they can just hang out there. I always have fun pregaming a little at a wedding : ) Don't stress it but def. provide them with a little info about the area

37 Butter Knives · August 2011

Whatever, Peaches. You didn't have to snipe at me when all I wanted was for the thread to stay relevant and helpful. People have very strong opinions on gaps, but opinions like yours don't belong in a thread where the OP already has her wedding-day events set. Statements like yours can end up making the OP doubt her wedding, or make her paranoid that her guests will think she's a bridezilla because she's not having her ceremony at the venue.

Now, if this were a thread where the OP was debating whether or not to have a gap, fire away!

Oh, and the whole "I'm so glad I don't know you in real life" jab was referring to the fact that if I invited you to my wedding, you'd probably have skipped the ceremony, and I'd be fine with that ... until I see you posting that couples who have gaps are rude and inconsiderate.

LissyM83 · August 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_gap-of-2-hours-between-church-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:90Discussion:87917d2c-c6e5-4bcf-a19c-6107658713b2Post:4fbac596-a247-46a3-b13b-c9104ed196af">Re: Gap of 2 hours in between the church and reception</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Gap of 2 hours in between the church and reception : Besides the response I received from Butter Knives, I don't think anyone was being snotty. This is a public forum and ever since I first joined the board people have been helpful because they've been honest. If someone is going to do something that people may feel is rude, then it should be perfectly fine to tell that person as much. I'd rather people on this board give me honest opinions and let me decide for myself what I'm going to do, as opposed to saying that everything looks/sounds good and then I wind up feeling like an ass afterwards or realize that there were better alternatives.
Posted by peaches178[/QUOTE]

It was a general statement. I saw the remarks and wanted to put a stop to it before everyone else joined in and it spiraled out of control. Your reviews and input are very helpful. There's a way to state your opinion without being rude - your initial response wasn't but when she responded to you, hers was and then that's how the back and forth starts. No hard feelings on my end.

rlavach · August 2011

Wow, this thread spiraled out of control quickly! Getting back to the OP's questions...why don't you talk to your OOT and see if they have any concerns with the gap. As the PPs mentioned, it really only makes a huge difference for the OOTs, since they don't know the area.

Of all the weddings I've been too, only once did we have a 2hr gap. It was brutal. We were 1.5hrs away from home, so far enough to not know the area. See if they have any ideas, like things they wish they could do/see on their visit. Maybe there is a way to incorporate that into the time they have before your reception? Just a thought.

jcg98 · August 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_gap-of-2-hours-between-church-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:90Discussion:87917d2c-c6e5-4bcf-a19c-6107658713b2Post:c0f8920b-8603-4d16-b2b5-3a030dab688a">Re: Gap of 2 hours in between the church and reception</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm getting married at the Seasons too, and I have a long gap in between my church and reception - if you're doing your room block at the Hilton in Woodcliff Lake, they have a nice bar where guests can go in between. There's also Tices Corner which is a little shopping area with nice stores and a Panera. Also, the Seasons will accept guests early (like an hr early) and provide beverage service for them.
This is great advice and something concrete you can give to your guests! Most venues will accomodate guests early if there is a gap.

I don't think it's rude to have a gap, you've gotta do what you've gotta do sometimes. My fiance and I purposely made a gap so we'll be able to join our cocktail hour and greet our guests. We've done the long gap between ceremony and venue before and we've made the time pass by, its not that big of a deal. If people want to go to your ceremony, they will, regardless of the time gap or not.

My thoughts exactly.

Posted by cdelrio10[/QUOTE]

OP, the bottom line is you need to do what works best for you and your guests. You should definitely factor them into your decision, and it seems as though you are by trying to find suggestions for things they can do in case they have time to kill. Some people hate gaps and will skip your ceremony as a result, so just be prepared for that. Good luck!

Pharo47 · August 2011

I was in a sticky situation myself and spent a long time trying to figure out what would be the best way to do things especially since our wedding is on a holiday weekend. My church and hotel are nowhere near anyone's house for my wedding. Also, we are doing a Friday wedding so we didn't want to make the cocktail hour start too early for the guests who could not get out of work early that day (who were not going to make the ceremony regardless). Check-in for the hotel isn't until 4:00pm. Ceremony is set to start at 3pm should run about 35 minutes and then we'll have the receiving line. Things should wrap up around 4pm-ish at the church. Guests will probably get to the church around 4:15-4:20 for check-in. We are working on having some refreshments at the hotel bar so guests can snack on something right after they check in (goodie bags will also be provided). We expect everyone to be checked into their rooms and settled around 4:45pm. The first shuttle is to arrive at 6:15pm. Not the ideal gap but we felt it was the best we could do based on the church's availability and to be smart and leave a little time in the case something goes wrong and there is a delay. We understand that there will be a good number of guests that will not attend the ceremony. Frankly, the only time I see a fair amount of guests at the ceremony is only when the ceremony takes place at the venue. I've never been to a wedding that's had a church ceremony followed immediately or 30 minutes before the start of the cocktail hour. We're are adding the hotel refreshments at our cost to help ease the gap for our guests and make sure that they don't overeat but also are not starving for the cocktail hour. We are also covering the additional shuttle to help accomodate those guests that are not staying at the hotel but wouldn't mind not driving to the venue. I have been to plent of weddings and could never say that a gap has been brutal to handle. I usually plan ahead and bring my own snack to keep in the hotel and also scope out what's around the local area to pass some time. Or I just slimply put on the TV and watch a show for 35-45 minutes and then head down to the bar to have a drink a socialize for the same amount of time.

sgdc2011 · August 2011

I was in a wedding that had a 4 hour gap. The Grandmother of the groom held a "tea" at the hotel where the block was- coffee, tea, finger sandwiches/cookies/crackers and cheese.

gymchick05 · August 2011

I have actually only been to two weddings ever where the ceremony/reception were at the same place, so of course there was no gap. Being Catholic and most of my friends/family being Catholic, its pretty common that we have a full mass, some gap, then CH/reception.

For my wedding, the latest we could start the ceremony was 2pm, we had a full mass, so that went to a bit past 3pm, then receiving line, etc and the guests were leaving the church around 3:45. It was a 40min drive the the venue, so we figured they would arrive around 4:30 or so(if not a bit later depending on traffic). Since our venue was in a hotel, this allowed those who were staying over to check in, etc. Since our cocktail hour didnt offically start til 6pm, we added on an additional 1/2 hr welcome reception w/ drinks and snacks starting at 5:30pm to entertain the guests. We also provided the guests w/ info including that our venue had a sports bar downstairs where they could get drinks/a snack/shoot pool etc to spend the 1 hr wait. The hotel also had a lovely and large lobby with couches and tables were some of our guests enjoyed spending time catching up with each other. It worked out find and only about 10 people did not come to the church.

See if you can add on a welcome reception to your cocktail hour and maybe include a note in your program so guests know they can arrive early to the venue and have something to do. Hope this helps! Also, if you know any family members who live near the venue or church, you can see if you can host beverages/light snacks at their home to kill some time (ie. you pay for it, arrange it, and they lend you space in their house if they are OK w/ that- or if ur house is close, you can do the same thing and have your parents or a family member open up the house for you for the guests)

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