Children but not babies

Belthil · December 2012

Hey everyone,

My FI and I are planning on having children at the wedding, the youngest will be 7 at the time. Recently found out that a relative is pregnant and the child will be a 1 month old when our wedding rolls around. We were happy to have the children at the event but are a little worried with a one month old.

Should we just address the invitations to the parents? And if they do respond that they're brining the baby how do we explain that the baby wasn't invited, especially since there will be children at the wedding?

Any help is appreciated!! Thank you!

QueerFemme · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_children-but-not-babies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:6cf84544-81b6-42f0-ae1f-b8de3bf59f5ePost:e4abb4e4-aace-4476-9f33-3bb1d2b80b9b">Children but not babies</a>:
[QUOTE]Hey everyone, My FI and I are planning on having children at the wedding, the youngest will be 7 at the time. Recently found out that a relative is pregnant and the child will be a 1 month old when our wedding rolls around. We were happy to have the children at the event but are a little worried with a one month old. Should we just address the invitations to the parents? And if they do respond that they're brining the baby how do we explain that the baby wasn't invited, especially since there will be children at the wedding? Any help is appreciated!! Thank you!
Posted by Belthil[/QUOTE]

The child will likely sit with its parents and sleep. I wouldn't exclude one infant if you are including other children.

thurmanpowell · December 2012

If the baby would be 1 month old, that means it wouldn't even be born when you send out invitations. I don't know if you can clearly "exclude" a baby from the invitations if it wouldn't be born yet.

I've never been pregnant, so maybe I'm in the wrong here, but I don't think I would see that as a clue not to bring the baby.

Belthil · December 2012

Okay, Thanks for the help

You're right that the child will probably just sleep the whole time. I can't say I've been around many children that young. The 7 year olds are pretty mature for their ages so I'm not too worried about them. I think we're just worried about crying during the ceremony but that probably can't be helped.

libby2483 · December 2012

We initially thought about not inviting babies to our wedding as well. We ultimately decided that we were fine having babies there. We had two or three babies at the wedding, and if they cried during the ceremony, I honestly didn't notice. Chances are the baby will sleep most of the time, and if he/she does cry during the ceremony, hopefully the parent will have the sense to step out.

daveANDkristen · December 2012

I would not worry about this at all, TBH. A baby that age is unlikely to do anything but sleep, and even if she does cry, the parents will likely step out to lessen the disruption. But if you really don't want the baby there, that's your prerogative. The parents would probably decline to attend though. Just an assumption, but many people would be uncomfortable leaving a baby that young. Good luck!

Simply Fated · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_children-but-not-babies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6cf84544-81b6-42f0-ae1f-b8de3bf59f5ePost:cbd8f16a-e1d3-4833-a57e-071d1097a7dd">Re: Children but not babies</a>:
[QUOTE]Okay, Thanks for the help :) You're right that the child will probably just sleep the whole time. I can't say I've been around many children that young. The 7 year olds are pretty mature for their ages so I'm not too worried about them.<strong> I think we're just worried about crying during the ceremony but that probably can't be helped.</strong>
Posted by Belthil[/QUOTE]
Ugh, I hear ya. Hopefully a parent will take the baby out of the room if it starts wailing.
It is true that while the other guests will hear it, you probably won't notice, depending on your ceremony space.

Here's the thing... if you somehow do manage to get it across that the baby isn't welcome, you run the risk of the mother (at least) not being able to come if she is breast feeding and has to do it during the the course of your wedding. The parents might also not feel comfortable leaving the baby for a lengthy period of time, yet. It all depends, of course.

Babies cry. It sucks, but it happens. So, when the baby does cry, which it might do if she is hungry or just pooped himself, it's not like the crying would be unexpected.
Personally, I'm just glad the older kids you're inviting are more well behaved. I'm not engaged or anything, but when I see posts asking about inviting kids, I immediately imagine my friends' out-of-control kid knocking the cake over. At least a 1 month old can't do that. :)

KellyBrian2013 · December 2012

Apparently our 1 year old nephew (ringbearer) DID cry throughout the entire ceremony, and DH's cousin stepped outside with him (his mother and father were both in the bridal party). We never noticed, nor did many of our guests.

Have faith that, on the odd chance baby does cry, mom or dad wil step out with him. But at that age, PPs are right, the baby will likely sleep through the whole thing.

jessicabessica · December 2012

If they have to travel at all, they may not even come to your wedding. Some parents also have different levels of comfort with taking a newborn into a public space, or a space where there will be a lot of people.

I would not do anything about this now. I also think that generally you should let it slide if they want to come with the baby. If they see that their child is the only one you excluded - even if theirs is the only infant - I think you risk seriously offending them. Not saying they'd be right, but I do think it's a little harsh to allow children as young as 7 and not one baby.

s-aries8990 · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_children-but-not-babies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6cf84544-81b6-42f0-ae1f-b8de3bf59f5ePost:8dfcb7e4-cc5d-46cf-b4c5-58cbb4a2b13b">Re: Children but not babies</a>:
[QUOTE]An invitation is only for the person(s) to whom it is addressed. If they respond with "and baby" or call up and ask if they can bring the baby, then etiquette entitles the bride to explain sweetly that she can't accommodate another guest. If they protest that they won't attend without the baby, she responds with, "I'm sorry to hear that. We'll miss you." A bride must always be prepared to accept the fact that a guest may be unwilling to attend without their child.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

This is correct for most instances where the weddings are child-free events.

However, yours is not child free and I think it would be a poor move to tell them the infant is not able to be accomodated when you are already accomodating other children.

strlzfan11 · December 2012

There's a good chance that they will decline the invitation even if the baby is invited. A lot of first-time parents don't expose their unvaccinated newborns to that many germs, because they know everyone and their brother will want to pass the baby around.

artbyallie · December 2012

One-month-olds sleep like 2/3 of the day anyway. Although, yes, most people aren't going to bring a baby that small much of anywhere that has a large crowd. FWIW, we did have a baby cry during the wedding (that was taken out of the ceremony) and neither H or I even knew it had happened until we were told our videographer took it out of the wedding video. And if we hadn't been told we wouldn't have known why the sound cut out for a brief second on said video. Seriously not a big deal.

bunni727 · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_children-but-not-babies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6cf84544-81b6-42f0-ae1f-b8de3bf59f5ePost:b194531f-f7b4-42dc-91d0-6a0e2a361846">Re:Children but not babies</a>:
[QUOTE]Sorry, but 7 is a bizarre cutoff age. You aren't having a Child free wedding at this point, and while I stand behind a bride not having to invite ALL kids if she invites some, an arbitrary cutoff age is likely to irritate some. You don't have to invite the baby, but be prepared for the parents to decline if you don't.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

Stage, I didn't read that as a cut off age, I read it as they are inviting all children and the youngest of those just happens to be 7.

If you trust the parents to take he/she out if some crying happens, I would go ahead and invite the baby. He'll probably sleep the whole time anyway.

Peledreamsofrain · December 2012

Most likely, if you kabosh the baby, the lady won't show up at all. After watching my sister go through all the troubles of nursing her 1 month old when we visited them, I wouldn't blame the lady either.

Infants feed every 2 hours, and coincidentally that's about the time that things become painful for the mother if she doesn't feed the baby or (worse option) use a pump. Pumps take f-o-r-e-v-er to use. It all was very educational to watch my sister go through it (I felt bad for her, it was obviously exhausting her). The baby is always a better option for mom.

What you would be asking your guest to do is a huge inconvenience for her, plus who wants to be away from their newborn?

Belthil · December 2012

Seven just happened to be the youngest child in the family until the new addition.

pumpkin42 · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_children-but-not-babies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6cf84544-81b6-42f0-ae1f-b8de3bf59f5ePost:e4abb4e4-aace-4476-9f33-3bb1d2b80b9b">Children but not babies</a>:
[QUOTE]Hey everyone, My FI and I are planning on having children at the wedding, the youngest will be 7 at the time. Recently found out that a relative is pregnant and the child will be a 1 month old when our wedding rolls around. We were happy to have the children at the event but are a little worried with a one month old. Should we just address the invitations to the parents? And if they do respond that they're brining the baby how do we explain that the baby wasn't invited, especially since there will be children at the wedding? Any help is appreciated!! Thank you!
Posted by Belthil[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Don't worry about it. If the baby is less than a month old, they probably won't attend. The exhaustion plus the post-birth discomfort and possible bleeding will make it unlikely they'd come. </div>

Children but not babies

Re: Children but not babies

Choose Another Board

Search Boards