Lutheran wedding traditions

lizfred2010 · January 2013

Hi everyone, I grew up in a Lutheran church my whole life (and still attend one now). My grandmother is very attached to it (and the pastor, kind of like in a 'what he says goes' type way). My fiance did not grow up going to church very much and has no set beliefs. I am excited about wedding planning and would like my pastor to officiate but I have begun to see that maybe HE would be making all the decisions (he already refused the song I wanted to walk in to).
To avoid any further dispute (before I get to far into my planning) does anyone know the LCMS "rules" for wedding ceremonies? If my wedding is altered to the point where I am unhappy about it I will need to find another officiant.

Thanks

OliveOilsMom · January 2013

Many times, there are strict forms that churches must follow in their weddings. I'm not Luthern, but I know that the Catholic Church does not allow any secular songs during their wedding services. You may be facing a similar issue with the Luthern church. It could also be at all Luthern Churches too, not exculsively the church you are marrying in.

There is a Christian Wedding Board, you should ask this question over there, you may get more accurate responses. It is located to the left under Cultural Wedding Boards.

Gumby68 · January 2013

We've only had one meeting with our pastor, but we are being married in a Lutheran church (specifically ELCA). I'm fairly certain we were told we don't have a choice when it comes to the music that will be playing at the beginning. I know for sure they require that their organist play, and we can only choose songs from the hymnal.

I didn't take this as the pastor trying to dictate things, I just assumed that's the way things are (plus our pastor is incredibly laid back so I can't seem him dictating things that aren't required by the church). I've also been to a Lutheran Church that was Missouri Synod, and I felt like I was in a Catholic Church based on how "strict" they were in comparison to ELCA which I grew up with.

My point is that I have a feeling it has nothing to do with the pastor and everything to do with the specific denomination as PP's have said.

lizfred2010 · January 2013

Thanks guys

ScrabbleAndLlamas · January 2013

With any of the Protestant churches, the individual priest and parish have significantly greater freedom to set the tone than Catholic churches. Try different churches. Shop around until you find a Lutheran church that will let you do what you want. A tip- get on the church wedding coordinator's good side. She (and let's be honest, it'll be a she) and the priest can bend the rules on things like secular music if they like you. I speak as the daughter of an Episcopal church wedding coordinator.

lizfred2010 · January 2013

You actually can do sand or salt ceremonies or unity candles or whatever. As I said I grew up in the church and have witnessed many weddings. I am concerned with the music (entrance and exit songs only) and do not want a full scale worship service. I also don't want to be married in the church building itself so I am not sure how that will affect certain aspects.
RetreadBride, what is your association with the church?

[Deleted User] · January 2013

I'm Lutheran and got married in a Lutheran Church (Missouri Synod) just in November. I found that it really depends on the Pastor. We didn't go to my family church because I had my heart set on a different Lutheran church since I was a little girl (old church built in 1800's with all that old beauty). The pastor didn't ask us about what music we were going to have played before, during or after the ceremony. He pretty much let us do things as we wanted. We followed the traditional program of how the ceremony runs, but he only made us meet with him once but that was more to work out the details of the ceremony so we were all on the same page. And no he isn't a younger more liberal pastor, he's in his 80's. I'm just pointing this out that it really depends on the church & the pastor. That was my experience.

lovefuzzies · January 2013

I'm also ELCA Lutheran and my experience has been that it depends on the church and the pastor. My FI (fairly non-religious) and I have already had one meeting with my pastor (who will be officiating) and when I asked the pastor about the music he told me to simply use my best judgement. We'll be adding in special music (which ended up being a religious piece but we didn't know that when we asked if that was okay) and a tartan pinning ceremony. We had also discused using a Dr. Seuss exerpt as one of our readings and the pastor never blinked an eye. In my experiencec Missouri Synod churches are way more conservative than ELCA but my last pastor (ELCA) was pretty conservative on his own. I probably wouldn't have wanted him to officiate my ceremony because I'm just not that conservative. Check around, I bet you'll be able to find someone that will be a little more open to what you want your ceremony to be.

Peledreamsofrain · January 2013

My family was solidly Lutheran when I was growing up, and it very much depends on your area and pastor how the church is run. There are churches that adhere strictly to the works of Martin Luther, and thus their church only differs from the Catholic ones in the manner outlined by him. I don't have a lot of positive things to say about our old pastor, as he successfully made it permenantly unpleasant for me to enter churches. I would highly recommend looking around for another congregation that better fits your needs.

lizfred2010 · January 2013

Thanks everyone. I have found that it does vary GREATLY and that there are not "synod rules" per se but it deoends on each pastor individually.

bburkel · January 2013

this is the reason we aren't getting married in my church. We both grew up WELS (Wisconsin Synod Lutheran), but he doesn't really practice anymore and doesn't necessarily believe everything that is taught there. We originally asked my mom's pastor to marry us, but he wouldn't because we live together. That pretty much eliminated the church ceremony right there.

I know WELS has rules like the musicians have to be members of the church, you can't use non-religious songs, you have to have readings from the bible etc.

We ended up going with FI's cousin, who is a pastor for a church that is a spin off of the Baptist church (but very liberal). He's pretty much letting us decide how we want things, and will offer suggestions along the way.

kjlamb · January 2013

Im WELS-and when my sister got married the pastor let her friend (who was a non-wels) sing a secular song. there was a untity candle and they picked out the verses they wanted read. I guess it all depends on the pastor. i will be getting married in the same church she did.

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