Pre-wedding Parties

XP: MOHzilla

I posted this under wedding party but thought I might get some additional insight here since this specifically pertains to the shower.

My friend (and fiance's sister) has 9 people in her bridal party, including me. The 2 MOHs are her cousin and her fiance's sister. I get along with everyone pretty well and there have been no prior issues.
Her shower is coming up in November and I emailed the MOH regarding invitations and favors, because anything personalized we'll need to order in the next 2 weeks. She responded that she's ordering them and she'll let me know if she needs my help.
A few days later she sent an email out to the whole bridal party saying the invitations have been ordered, we're getting a computer as a group gift to the bride, we're doing a wishing well with wine, and please send a check in this amount to this address.

I replied to all asking for a link to the invitation so that we could pull inspiration for the rest of the decor. I also questioned the computer. She said in her original email that her brother (the groom) suggested this gift. He's in IT and of course would love a computer. He's also very practical and is probably only thinking about what the most useful thing would be, rather than what his bride would love (she's less practical). I jokingly asked if we were sure it wasn't a gift for just him. Another bridesmaid replied, asking how we could personalize it for the bride if it was in fact what they both want. The MOH responded "the group gift will definitely be the computer."
I understand she's the MOH, but the great part of a bridal shower is that all your closest friends came together and planned something special for you. She's taking complete control and says that while she's open to suggestions, ultimately it is in her hands. If she's going to take sole responsibility of hosting this shower, shouldn't she have the sole responsibility of paying for it?
She won't even send us a link to the invitations she ordered, isn't giving us any say in the gift, but asked for a specific amount from each girl without giving a breakdown of what we are paying for.

This is a little bit of a rant, but I would like a part in making this special for my friend. Should I approach her about including everyone in decisions, or is this how it's supposed to go?
I was recently in a wedding with 7 bridesmaids and no MOH. The planning of everything went so smoothly and everyone had a part in it. The bride loved everything and loved that all her friends could come together for her. I feel like this bride is getting jipped out of that.

Re: XP: MOHzilla

  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    The MOH does not have right to plan a party and huge gift and then bill the bms for it. I wonder if the bms are even mentioned as cohosts of the party on those invitations that she won't show you.

    She should have asked each of you if and how much you wanted to contribute toward the shower. That should have been the shower budget. And she should have included all of you in the planning. You could still tell her how much you want to contribute to the shower and that you would prefer to buy a gift on your own, rather than contribute to the group gift.

    You probably don't realize the word jipped (gypped) is a racial slur that implies that gypsies (Romani) are cheats and liars.
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