Wedding date questions? (a little long winded)

pinkflowers4 · September 2011

Ok so the date I picked for our wedding is Sept 12th 2012! (one year away!! YIKES!! lots to do

) A friend of mine whom i have known for a few months is getting married shortly before that in our home town. I'm doing an OBX wedding

She had asked me months ago to be in her wedding, now its becoming a bit of a pain she is telling us what our "schedules are for about 2 months before the wedding, and other things she needs help with but I am also trying to plan my own and I am also in my twin sisters wedding and my brothers wedding which are all before coming up in the next six months. I am stuck as to how to handle this because I have spoken to her so little she does not even know that I have set a date shortly after hers. She is a great friend who ive know for about a year and a half but I barely see or even talk to much for that matter. to be honest im not sure why I was asked to be a BM but was honered she thought of me as such a close friend. But now its becoming quite a bit to deal with between a $200 dress (not yet purchased) and all the weekends we are supposed to dedicate to wedding stuff. Most of my time will go to my sister and brother and my fiance. Not sure how to handle someone who is already so demanding a year before her wedding?? do i cange my date or hope she will understand??

mandafite821 · September 2011

I think if you are already thinking this is stressing you out, you should re-think about your status as BM. It sounds like this friend is demanding a lot of your time, and you are already committed to multiple other things going on in your life. Your wedding is most important, and you should concentrate on that, followed by your brother's and sister's wedding. Hopefully she will understand that you really have a lot going on right now! Plus, I have learned the hard way, that no one is worth changing your wedding date for!

sangriaMaria · September 2011

I would keep your date and discuss your concerns with your friend. You've got a lot on your plate this coming year. Figure out what your priorities are. I think you already know.

Phillyboy06 · September 2011

I agree with Manda and Maria. You already have this figured out, you just need a way to express it to your "friend". While feeling honored to have been asked to be a BM, in your heart of hearts, do you think you can honor the request to it's fullest capacity? You are trying to plan your own destination wedding(which is hard enough), AND be in your sister's wedding and brother's wedding too? Sitting down with this person and explaining the situation to her and the coming events, should make it clear to her that you have more than enough on your plate.

I can't tell you what to do, or what obligations to fulfill, but putting myself in the exact same situation from a guy's standpoint, i'd have to bow out of the wedding.

I can say that from trying to plan just a destination wedding with my FI, that our spare time is devoted to that. Oh, and I know how you feel, in a way. My brother is getting married to his FI next October, a month after us. He hasn't asked, to my knowledge, any men to be in the wedding party yet, and it's a different story for a different time, but i'll be busy if i'm asked to be in his wedding.

Good luck!!!!

JAK33 · September 2011

Congrats on your one year mark!!! Soooo exciting! It sounds like you have a ton going on over the next year!

Have you already committed to being in your friend's wedding? It seems like there would be a lot of factors to consider in this type of situation. I hear where you are coming from for sure about the $$ and responsibility for being a part of this so close to your date. If you weren't getting married so close, would you still be happy to be part of her day? It sounds like she is eagerly planning her day with the expectation you will be a part of it. If you have committed and were feeling ok with being part of her day with the exception of it now being so close to your date, my best advice would be to put yourself in her shoes. Only you know all the dynamics of your friendship and what pulling out at this stage may mean to her and your relationship. I am not sure that I would change the date for this friend, but you may want to think of both sides before making your choice about being in her wedding.

In the end, if you think it is best to just be a guest and not a part of her wedding, I would say the sooner you make that decision, the better so she can plan accordingly.

Good luck, this can't be an easy decisionfor you either way. Keep us posted!!!

RussoWill · September 2011

Congrats on setting a date! That is probably the most relieving part! (well, and the dress!)

If you are already feeling iffy, I would talk to her. Not to be outspoken here, but anyone who has your duties planned out for something a year from now sound like they will be pretty hard to handle.

pinkflowers4 · September 2011

Thanks for all of your input it's kind of an odd situation for me because i havent really known her that long and i very rarely see I'm going to talk to her about it and see how it goes.

Cant believe my date is a year away! Im so excited!!!

Wedding date questions? (a little long winded)

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