It's Not Fair (vent)

Re: It's Not Fair (vent)

• AdeleDazeem member

  

  July 2012

  I'm so sorry about your mother in law.  Cancer is not fair.  It's not fair when bad things happen to good people.
  
  I hope you and your fiance enjoy as much time as possible with her and that her time left is happy, hopeful, comfortable, and loving.  ::hugs::

  
  

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• kmmssg mod

  

  July 2012

  You are right, it isn't fair.  I hit the MIL jackpot both times.  I lost MIL on Valentine's Day 2000, 5 months after she was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer.  Because it had claimed her mom and g'ma she had mammograms every single year without fail.  We went from diagnosis to funeral in 5 months.

  
  

  She was retired (elementary teacher) when I came into the family.  She said there were pictures to cross stitch, birds to watch (avid hobby there), etc and that the housework would be there when she got to it.  We had a deal.  She would not draw in my dust if I would not draw in hers.  If one of us was absolutely overcome with artistic inspiration, we at least, wouldn't date it.  I adored that woman.

  
  

  She could take a handful of rocks and make the best pot of soup you ever tasted.

  
  

  She and FIL were teachers when teachers weren't paid very well.  They raised 7 kids.  She was the epitome of common sense when it came to kids - especially potty training.  I was trying to train DS at 2 1/2 over Christmas break and it wasn't going well.  I called her for advice and she just calmly said "You can do this for the next 6 months or you can put the potty away and try again when HE is ready - like a couple of weeks before his bday."  She was spot on but she had potty trained 5 boys and I had only had girls up til then.

  
  

  I especially adored her because I lost my mom when I was 10 and I had someone again in my life who loved me, treated me well, and let me call them "Mom."  She was a very very good friend to me and taught me how to be a great MIL.  I never show up at my kids unannounced, don't offer advice unless asked, and I don't break the rules my kids have with their children.  It has served me well.  Now, I'm not saying that I AM a great MIL, but I sure had a great mentor in that regard.

  
  

  You are right. It isn't fair, it sucks, and it will be a real hole in your life.  You don't have other options here.  You are stuck with the cancer diagnosis you have been given.  I get it, I fell ya hon, it just is what is.  And it sucks.  Much love and hugs to you.

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• Simply Fated member

  

  July 2012

  Life isn't fair. The shitty MILs will outlive us all and the good die young.

  
  

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• MairePoppy mod

  

  July 2012

  I'm so sorry to hear this news. You're right, cancer isn't fair. I hope your FMIL will be able to attend your wedding. Please let her know how much you appreciate her.
  
  Most of my husband's close family members have died from cancer. My SIL died from ovarian cancer about a year after her diagnosis. Prior to that, her jack aSS of a husband survived a massive heart attack, with her support during his long, long recovery. He found a girlfriend right around the time SIL went into palliative care. Definitely not fair.
  
  Be strong. Help your FMIL find some happiness in her difficult situation. Thoughts and prayers.
  
  
  

                     

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• mcskatcat member

  

  July 2012 edited July 2012

  I am really sorry to hear that, and wouldn't flame you for that at all!  It's great that you have a nice FMIL, and to be honest, it's great that you even got to meet her.  I know a number of people who lost their parents much younger (teens, for example) and it always makes me feel  bittersweet at weddings because their new spouse never got to know a parent.  

  
  

  
  

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• jnjmommy0609 member

  

  July 2012

  No you are 100 percent right. It is not fair and I am sorry for you, your husband, and the rest of the family and friends who will miss her. Right now all you can do is enjoy her and make sure she knows how loved she is. 

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• Neileo27

  

  July 2012

  I understand where you are coming from.  I adore my FMIL she has been nothing but welcoming since FI and I started dating.
  
  My FI's brother was diagnosed with Stage 3 brain cancer in May.  They have known about the tumor basically since FI and I started dating and finally decided to operate and remove it this spring.  We thought we were out of the woods and then they tell us it is officially cancer.  
  
  He finishes 6 weeks of 5 days a week radiation and chemo 5 days before the wedding.  I wanted to postpone, but he told me he needs something to look forward to when this is finished.
  
  The doctors say he should be fine when this is all over but seriously he is only 24, the same age as my sister.  IT'S NOT FAIR!
  
  I'm praying for you and your family.

  

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