Guests were a no show

sjgamble · July 2010

My friend recently got married, and her cousin and the family RSVPd "yes" for 5 people - and without any excuse, or follow-up call...they didn't show up! Two months out they still haven't mentioned any reason as to the no show, but their empty plates caused her to lose almost $600.

Fed up with the silence, she has decided she wants to say or do at least something...email them, call them...in an extreme case serve them with a bill! lol

Does anyone have any advice?

Thanks

Midgetth · July 2010

And if she says anything what does she expect to get out of it? She isn't going to get her money back, they wont give it to her. I say let it go because this is very common at weddings. Yea it's not right & it's annoying but really what is she going to do about it other than make a wedge between her & them. At my mom & step dad's wedding 10 people were a no show with no excuse & they lost a lot more than your friend did. She should just let it go

gottahavashorti · July 2010

That would be pretty inappropriate to bring up the money lost. Guests cancelling or no-showing isn't uncommon. We had 5 close relatives cancel at the last minute, a couple who we knew would flake and the others due to an illness.

One guest was a no show, and DH kind of wanted to ask why but figured it wouldn't be right to contact his friend just to ask. The next time they talked, DH just checked to make sure that everything was going ok for the friend since he'd been missed at the wedding. It turned out a canoe trip had taken longer than planned. He never would have said "hey, I lost $50 off of you, why did you flake out on me?"

quotequeen · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_guests-were-show?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:bf48ec4a-faa6-44a7-9a84-d788a506dc81Post:09f8d6a8-bb63-4311-b186-f83199a41355">Guests were a no show</a>:
[QUOTE]My friend recently got married, and her cousin and the family RSVPd "yes" for 5 people - and without any excuse, or follow-up call...they didn't show up! Two months out they still haven't mentioned any reason as to the no show, but their empty plates caused her to lose almost $600. Fed up with the silence, she has decided she wants to say or do at least something...email them, call them...in an extreme case serve them with a bill! lol <strong>Does anyone have any advice?</strong> Thanks
Posted by sjgamble[/QUOTE]

My advice is not to do it. It would be rude to confront them, and there's really no upside.

aerinpegadrak · July 2010

Dude, DH's mother canceled on us two days out. She got pneumonia. Shiit happens, you know? Saying anything about it would only make your friend look like a classless jerk. Tell her to just let it go.

stephdonjon · July 2010

In agreement with all other PPs, you really can't do anything about no-shows. Demanding why they weren't there would be pretty rude, and they might have a very legitimate (and highly personal) reason for bailing. And she's not going to get her money back anyways.

Simply Fated · July 2010

It sucks that they cost her to pay that much for mothing, but she shouldn't confront them. It's not like they're going to give her the money.

mysticl · July 2010

I know people who have no showed to events due to things like being admitted to a psych hospital or a sister being raped. Not the kind of thing they may want to broadcast. Life happens and sometimes it's crappy. Tell your friend to just let this one go.

[Deleted User] · July 2010

Let it go. I was kinda upset after we had about 5 no shows, but found out at least one of them was due to illness. Sh!t happens. Yes, it is downright rude and inconsiderate not to call or let someone know, but there is nothing you can do about it without making an as$ out of yourself. She isn't going to get her money back, so its not worth the breath.

trix1223 · July 2010

Yes. My advice would be to hold her tongue and say nothing. To call someone out, and especially to send them a bill for $600 is just completely classless, and won't help anything. Anything.

How do you think that talking smack and billing someone is going to play out next Thanksgiving? Or at Grandma's funeral? Sure, it's disappointing that they didn't show. And that there's been no explanation.

But is that really what she chooses to remember about her wedding? You might suggest that she let this go and remember with joy the people who WERE there to celebrate with her.

baystateapple · July 2010

An RSVP is not a legally-binding contract to show up. It's a party. There is no way she's getting that money back. Sure, it's rude to RSVP yes and then not show up, but it's also really common. She can't recoup the lost cash, so she should just gracefully shrug it off and say that it was their loss for missing a great party.

loop0406 · July 2010

Not do anything. The wedding passed, she lost money, it's not their fault she chose $120/head and what's the point of emailing them ? They didn't make it and if they don't care to contact someone of their plans changing, why will they care about an email or upset cousin ?

flyjawn · July 2010

if her feelings are genuinely hurt, i don't see the harm in asking the family memeber what happened.

but the money aspect should be dropped. it's just a risk of throwing a party....

frogurt814 · July 2010

We had about 15 no shows. It's not a big deal.

I don't plan on asking the no-shows where they were because I really don't care. I might say something like "We really missed you at the wedding" because I truthfully did, but over all, it's not a big deal.

I certainly would not ask them to reimburse me for them not showing up.

skippylouwho · July 2010

I've been to weddings where they've had more than 5 no-shows - I was at a wedding with at least 4 tables full of no-shows. This was not a cheap wedding, it was all people the bride's family personally knew. The bride's father (paid for everything) was livid.

sjgamble · July 2010

thanks for all the input...I pretty much agree with what you are all saying I just wanted some back up!

PS -re: loop0406...a bride is allowed to have a reception that costs $120/head...Philadelphia isn't cheap!

goheels05 · July 2010

"We really missed you at the wedding" is about all she can say.

Almost every bride deals with this. I had several no-shows, and most apologized, but one girl in particular never said a word to me about it, and I'm pretty sure she bought a gift off my registry and never gave it to me, so no one else bought it either. It was annoying, but I never said anything to her. People don't realize what exactly it means to the bride and groom for them to RSVP yes and not show.

blondie82784 · July 2010

I wouldnt say anything take the loss theres no need for more drama

NillaWafer10 · July 2010

We had two full tables of no shows. It sucks, but what can you do? My best friend from HS was one of those people! I went to her wedding just a few months ago lol. Tell her to cut her losses, because it isn't worth the drama.

gottahavashorti · July 2010

[QUOTE]People don't realize what exactly it means to the bride and groom for them to RSVP yes and not show.
Posted by goheels05[/QUOTE]
This. I really appreciate that step-SIL scrambled to get ahold of DH and I the day before our wedding to tell us they couldn't travel because their child was sick, rather than no showing or letting us find out by word of mouth at the wedding.

swissarmymelody · July 2010

Ugh, I'm sorry this happend to your friend, but you really can't say anything. I'm hoping we don't have any no-shows, but there is nothing you can do about it.

kpwedkk · July 2010

Dont do anything. Even if they were no shows, sudden medical reasons could have prevailed, and there's nothing that could be done. Just consider the $600 as charity and give it away. Don't harp on the pennies of your wedding, just realize that you married your best friend and move on.

Srbageldog · July 2010

I'm going to agree with everyone else, your friend should definitely NOT say anything or send them a bill for $600. It sucks that it happened, but hey, it is what it is. She should just shrug it off and move on.

longman801 · July 2010

When I was planning my wedding, my friend gave me a site that was so helpful. It had just about everything but the tux and dress in there. Hopefully this will be helpful for someone on here too.http://www.theweddingstyle.com/beach-wedding-dresses-c-30.html

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