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Invite wording and plus ones...help!

alisabbwalisabbw
First Comment
in Wedding Reception Forum
I see everywhere that it's ok or not ok to allow a plus one.  My question is on the RSVP...how do you ensure that the person(s) won't just bring not just a plus 1 but their kids, etc?  I didn't think of this and now I'm trying to figure out RSVP wording.  Do I need to add a note requesting that they list who's coming?  ASSUMING that people aren't going to bring their entire families would be useless, as some folks don't care about costs to the bride/groom.  I'm more than willing to add some kind of wording on the RSVP but I just don't want it to sound crass (if that's possible)!!
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Re: Invite wording and plus ones...help!

  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    You address the invitations only to the people invited. We also wrote in the names of the people the invitation was for on the M________ line. You should try to find out the name of their guest and invite them by name. If you or they do not know in advance who they are bringing, you can put "and guest."
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    You find out the name(s) of the people you want to include in the invitation and address it to those person(s) only, leaving off any other names, "and family," or "and guest."

    "And family/guest" is only okay when you are completely fine with whomever else they might bring-even if that's an ex, children, or someone else you don't know or otherwise want there.  It puts the decision of whom to bring in their court, but it takes it totally out of your court.
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  • KJirasKJiras member
    Eighth Anniversary 10 Comments Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    edited March 2013
    I'm going to echo the sentiments of the others here and do your best to find out the names of the signficant others you'll be inviting and address the invitation to exactly who you are inviting. If you are unsure of their names, or are inviting your friend/family member with whomever they want to bring as a date put "and guest". If you are inviting a couple with their children, their names plus "and family" works. 

    The RSVP card should have the M.__________ line where they write their name and their guest's names.

    In the event that you have a truly single friend not invited with a signficant other and they write one in anyway, you'd have to handle that on a case by case basis. Same with a couple who writes in their kids names and you didn't address the invitation "and family."  I don't think you have to stress yourself out in advance by coming up with wording - it just never seems to sound right.

    A tip that was passed along to me was on the back of your RSVP cards in one of the corners assign each one a number and note it on your guest list who is assigned which number. If someone sends an RSVP card back without writing their names it will be easy to figure out who it is. At first this sounded kind of funny to me but several friends said they had this dilemma! 

    Good luck and happy planning :)
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  • alisabbwalisabbw
    First Comment
    edited March 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_invite-wording-and-plus-oneshelp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:f553dfc6-717b-4ff2-bd1b-175952ac227dPost:d9b3ea67-475e-43ae-bb75-b009018c25ff">Re: Invite wording and plus ones...help!</a>:
    [QUOTE]You address the invitations only to the people invited. We also wrote in the names of the people the invitation was for on the M________ line. You should try to find out the name of their guest and invite them by name. If you or they do not know in advance who they are bringing, you can put "and guest."
    Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]

    Oh thank you so much!  I totally thought I had screwed up by on having that M_______ line on the invitation.
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  • alisabbwalisabbw
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_invite-wording-and-plus-oneshelp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:f553dfc6-717b-4ff2-bd1b-175952ac227dPost:e5960ba9-9f7f-4684-a5ed-70192131ee90">Re: Invite wording and plus ones...help!</a>:
    [QUOTE]You find out the name(s) of the people you want to include in the invitation and address it to those person(s) only, leaving off any other names, "and family," or "and guest." "And family/guest" is only okay when you are completely fine with whomever else they might bring-even if that's an ex, children, or someone else you don't know or otherwise want there.  It puts the decision of whom to bring in their court, but it takes it totally out of your court.
    Posted by Jen4948[/QUOTE]

    Thank you too!  I do want to make sure I'm in control of who comes, etc.  We all know people who will bring their kids, their BF/GF and their kids too!  I love kids but with me and the DF paying...we need to keep the numbers down!
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  • alisabbwalisabbw
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_invite-wording-and-plus-oneshelp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:f553dfc6-717b-4ff2-bd1b-175952ac227dPost:d6d3f5c4-1c13-4b3e-ab60-cc58b05c7670">Re: Invite wording and plus ones...help!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm going to echo the sentiments of the others here and do your best to find out the names of the signficant others you'll be inviting and address the invitation to exactly who you are inviting. If you are unsure of their names, or are inviting your friend/family member with whomever they want to bring as a date put "and guest". If you are inviting a couple with their children, their names plus "and family" works.  The RSVP card should have the M.__________ line where they write their name and their guest's names. In the event that you have a truly single friend not invited with a signficant other and they write one in anyway, you'd have to handle that on a case by case basis. Same with a couple who writes in their kids names and you didn't address the invitation "and family."  I don't think you have to stress yourself out in advance by coming up with wording - it just never seems to sound right. A tip that was passed along to me was on the back of your RSVP cards in one of the corners assign each one a number and note it on your guest list who is assigned which number. If someone sends an RSVP card back without writing their names it will be easy to figure out who it is. At first this sounded kind of funny to me but several friends said they had this dilemma!  Good luck and happy planning :)
    Posted by KJiras[/QUOTE]

    I LOVE the numbers/guest name idea!  If you think about it at first it does sound odd but I'm gonna bet that someone will forget to put their name and think you're a mind reader! 

    I feel so much better!  I thought I'd completely messed up and was going to have to figure out a way to add a number or something on the RSVP.
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