"No Boxed Gifts Please"

nawshin · January 2010

I'm thinking about writing this at the bottom of my wedding reception invitation because recently I've seen it in several weddings invitatation. Therefore, I feel is it appropriate. But I'm still a bit doubtful that some people may take offense and think we want cash only. The issue is we already have all the things we really want so registry isn't an option and we have limited space in our new home. Since it is NORMAL for guests to bring gifts, we rather them give us something we do not have to accomodate storing space for. Any thoughts? should I or shouldn't I do it?

irshis20 · January 2010

Your friends that are including that phrase on their invitations are rude and have no manners. Don't do this. Not only are you telling people, "You're invitied to my wedding if you bring a gift," but you're telling them you want only money. Gifts should never be mentioned at all on an invitation sent from a couple.

Secondly, you should brace yourself for some people wanting to give you something other than cash. I never give cash at weddings - it feels cold to me, and it's not what I'm used to. I know that's different for other people. I like to buy people items for their new family household. Anyway, the point is that you shouldn't be telling people what kind of gifts they need to buy you - that's their choice, not yours, and you should accept any gift graciously.

[Deleted User] · January 2010

Gross. Definitely don't do this. Your friends that have been doing this are jerks. It's extremely rude to reference gifts in any way in the invitation and to imply that you want cash is beyond tacky.

banana468 · January 2010

See the other posts on this topic.

That's a VERY rude phrase.

kristinanddan · January 2010

That is beyond rude, and I would buy you a random gift and put it in a gift bag.

Brie2010 · January 2010

Just because everyone does something doesn't mean it's appropriate. It's kind of like the old saying, "If everyone jumped off a bridge, would you do it too?"

Saying "no boxed gifts" is considered rude because it presupposes people are going to bring gifts at all, when, in fact, a gift is not required when you attend a wedding. Most people do bring one, but they are not obligated to.

Set up a small registry of upgrades because some people will insist on giving a physical gift. If not, you are going to get a lot of things you don't want. I know it may seem like you have everything you need, but sheets and towels wear out and you could always use an extra set for guests, you know? If you go out and start shopping, there might be a lot you want that you never thought of.

gottahavashorti · January 2010

"No boxed gifts" sounds like you're demanding cash.

Can you upgrade any linens, pots and pans, dishes, kitchen appliances, vacuum? You can create an REI registry for outdoor gear or a Sears registry for tools for the house.

nawshin · January 2010

I agree it's a sticky situation. Although it is very common in other cultures to give gifts other than home appliances, it isn't a common practice here in America. I've been to both American and weddings from other cultures. So I'm use to seeing both "no boxed gifts" and registries. However, as Americans are use to the concept of gift registry (which is essentially telling guests what the bride and groom wants and has a price tag on it) many other cultures are not. I absolutely do not like the idea of a gift registry. If I were to see "no boxed gifts" I wouldn't really think it's rude. The first thing I would think is LACK OF SPACE. As a New Yorker, I know how important space is as Apartments are more-like closet sizes now a days. Also, in my situation, it's not about funding the wedding because both my parents and my fiance's parents are paying for the wedding and and the honeymoon is paid for as well. Basically it's our lack of space.

I guess to be completely unculpable I should just leave the invitations alone and let guests bring what they want.

or Maybe by word of mouth? what do you think?

MNVegas · January 2010

Please do not do this. It is just so inappropriate. You could do a small registry for people who prefer "boxed" gifts. A lot of people give cash or gift cards anyway, but putting this phrase on an a wedding or even a shower invitation is not a good idea.

pooh8402 · January 2010

word of mouth is appropriate--it can be spread by your parents or wedding party. but anything that mentions gifts on the invite is a no-no.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · January 2010

That's rude.

Just do a small registry of upgrades. People who want to give you a gift can, and some people might take the hint that you prefer cash.

You can't demand people give you a certain type of gift.

gottahavashorti · January 2010

Make a small registry to suggest that you have most of what you need, or register for upgrades to replace things you already have. You can spread by word of mouth that you don't have space for gifts, but don't put anything in the invitation about gifts - whether your registry info or a request for no gifts.

SarahPLiz · January 2010

word of mouth is completely appropriate to spread that you have space issues. If you do get a gift you don't want/need, you can return it (or Ebay it), just like any other gift you receive for any other occaision. I don't know if we will register for much either, since we have space issues too, but almost everyone can use a new set of sheets or towels. Andplusalso, you might end up receiveing a really kick ass gift that you didn't even know existed. It has happenned!!!

kingofpop · January 2010

Are you by any chance South Asian? This question was asked a few times on the South Asian board as it is common on most invitations. Many people don't understand the tradition therefore thinking that it is rude. If it is a cultural thing and a traditional weddng then include it, if not then try to do by word of mouth.

megandjay · January 2010

Know your guests. If it is cultural and all of your guests will understand, then do what is normal for the culture.
However, if you are going to have Americanized guests, then it would be rude to include that on your invites. Just spread by word of mouth.
I also live in NYC currently, and understand the tiny apartment issue, but I could def use upgrades on my linens, towels, and some kitchenware- so maybe create a small registry of upgrades?

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