Mini meltdown in progress... vent needed.

CowgirlK39 · May 2012

So I was just working along today and just got myself all upset about the BM dress situ. Sam, my uncooperative BM, has offered to order all three girls dresses off some site, since she has procrastinated to the point of no return. I agreed but then thought maybe I should order them myself. BUT... I do not have MOH's measurements, and she is in the process of moving, and looks at her phone maybe once a month (I kid you not.). Then I got to thinking about how I can't order them anyway, I do not have the funds to. So now I am thinking I will have Sam order them and tell her they must be ordered this week. If they do not come in on time, or any other disaster happens, she is solely responsible for them and I won't have BMs, which at this point I could care less.

I just don't care anymore. I really don't. I don't care about any wedding stuff because honestly, its too much of a hassle and I don't have the time anymore to deal with it. If the dresses come in, great. If not, who cares. I have been telling these girls since December what was going on, asked for them to be ordered April 30th and we ended up holding everything up because of Sam. So screw it.

BMcLeodTeam · May 2012

*hugs* sorry you're having such a hard time with the dresses. I hope that she comes through on those.

LaceyS25 · May 2012

I don't blame you for being upset! I am foregoing all the bridesmaid drama and only having my sister stand as MOH. She is agreeable and will wear anything I ask her to and realizes the importance of timing with a wedding. If I were you I would do exactly as you said...let your BM know she needs to order the dresses ASAP because she is already late on doing so. If the dresses need to be ordered it will most definitely take time for them to come in and then you have to deal with alterations, etc. If she continues to procrastinate then just let her know that you no longer need her to stand as your BM. I know it may strain the friendship, but she is already straining it by causing you unwated stress during a time when you should be enjoying the planning process. Hopefully she gets it together and orders the dresses soon...good luck to you on that!

QueerFemme · May 2012

Ugh. I'm so sorry this is still happening. I would send out ONE more email/text and tell everyone to order their OWN dress. (don't have Sam order all three, just have everyone order their own. You don't want the drama of her ordering the wrong size for someone, etc.)

Send out one more message... email, text, whatever. And say, "The dress HAS to be ordered by Friday, and even that won't guarantee arrival on time, so if you don't get the dress ordered, I will assume that means you no longer want to be a BM and will just be attending as a guest".

this is so ridiculous. I'm so sorry they are being so difficult !

CowgirlK39 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2012-weddings_mini-meltdown-in-progress-vent-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:a464c18c-2e4d-469b-8eae-3865079cb9cfDiscussion:23340b95-5198-4260-9721-4ac2a6ce1f63Post:33debf74-db4f-484e-b473-2ae7ef952614">Re: Mini meltdown in progress... vent needed.</a>:
[QUOTE]Ugh. I'm so sorry this is still happening. I would send out ONE more email/text and tell everyone to order their OWN dress. (don't have Sam order all three, just have everyone order their own. You don't want the drama of her ordering the wrong size for someone, etc.) Send out one more message... email, text, whatever. And say, "The dress HAS to be ordered by Friday, and even that won't guarantee arrival on time, so if you don't get the dress ordered, I will assume that means you no longer want to be a BM and will just be attending as a guest". this is so ridiculous. I'm so sorry they are being so difficult !
Posted by cmgilpin[/QUOTE]

This is what I initially intended but one BM couldn't find this particular designer in her town, and Sam realized just last week that this was her case as well. I was going to order them thru the salon I got my dress at, but they advised me to order all three together to avoid dye lot issues (read horror stories on here bout that). So I told them all they had to be measured and ready to order by May 22nd. Sam came up with this online idea now, and so now I think I will tell her she can do that, but she is responsible for the outcome. If they are wrong in any way, the onus is on her to deal with it. I once again am trying to find a polite way to do this, especially since yesterday was her bday, but I feel like I have been too polite up to this point. Suggestions as to what to say???

QueerFemme · May 2012

Hmmmm, the downside of going with Sam's idea, is she has been the pain in the bootie this whole time, and now she is responsible for everyone's dresses? Is everyone else on board with that idea? If they are willing to put it in her hands, and everyone knows that if the dresses are horrible, they won't be in your wedding, then I guess its fine. It seems messy though, because the other girls didn't order their dresses because of Sam, and now Sam is in control of whether or not everyone gets to be in your wedding.

But, I would probably say something like "well, this is certainly not my first choice of how to handle this. If you all want to risk this, I'll leave that up to you. But, please understand, if the dresses are a nightmare, or don't fit... I'll just be bridesmaid-less and you can all attend as guests." I would also say "i'm super frustrated at this whole process and it has probably been the biggest stress in all of my wedding planning".

Make sure they KNOW how much drama this has caused you.

volleygurl0306 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2012-weddings_mini-meltdown-in-progress-vent-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:a464c18c-2e4d-469b-8eae-3865079cb9cfDiscussion:23340b95-5198-4260-9721-4ac2a6ce1f63Post:75f25bb0-e676-45e8-b70f-424de0278436">Re: Mini meltdown in progress... vent needed.</a>:
[QUOTE]Hmmmm, the downside of going with Sam's idea, is she has been the pain in the bootie this whole time, and now she is responsible for everyone's dresses? Is everyone else on board with that idea? If they are willing to put it in her hands, and everyone knows that if the dresses are horrible, they won't be in your wedding, then I guess its fine. It seems messy though, because the other girls didn't order their dresses because of Sam, and now Sam is in control of whether or not everyone gets to be in your wedding. <strong>But, I would probably say something like "well, this is certainly not my first choice of how to handle this. If you all want to risk this, I'll leave that up to you. But, please understand, if the dresses are a nightmare, or don't fit... I'll just be bridesmaid-less and you can all attend as guests." I would also say "i'm super frustrated at this whole process and it has probably been the biggest stress in all of my wedding planning". Make sure they KNOW how much drama this has caused you.
</strong>Posted by cmgilpin[/QUOTE]

I like this a lot. I was so sad to see you are still frustrated over this. My goodness! I'd check with the other girls and if they are willing to risk it let it be Sam's problem now. You'll have people to help you the day of your wedding if they are real friends regardless of how this turns out. She caused the problem, let her fix it.

mspurr · May 2012

I would recommend that you contact the online place she wants to order from. I had my BMs order their dresses online at perfectbridal.com and I was able to set up a one event/multiple order so that each girl could order individually from the company but the dresses were not ordered from the designer until everyone had submitted their online order to guarantee they were all from the same dye lot. This way, everyone could order their own dress and you don't have to worry about people being reimbursed, etc.

lauraps · May 2012

I feel your pain. I had a BM that was not being helpful either and that's what they should be helpful since it is your day. I asked my BM to step out of the wedding because I could not take the stress anymore. I would say if they cant pay for the dress then ask them kindly to step out and just go with the ones who can pay now. When is your wedding? Do you have time to wait longer for the dresses?

CowgirlK39 · May 2012

Sam called me last nite. We talked about a bunch of NWR stuff, and then I asked what was with the dresses. She said she was referred to some site by a bridal salon, and that they told her the dresses would be in in plenty of time to get altered, twice even. I find that hard to believe since its 4 months away, but I told her I was going to make sure everyone was on board with this idea,first She said if they weren't we can just order them from my salon but it's a bit too late for that, as there will be rush fees. I'm still a little bitter than these were not ordered months ago because of her, but whatever. If they come in on time, great. If not, I don't have a WP.

Mini meltdown in progress... vent needed.

Re: Mini meltdown in progress... vent needed.

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