I don't want to change my last name..is that bad?

jmp0930 · May 2010

I have a normal last name (Peterson) but I am not looking forward to being Mrs. Brake...even if I hyphenate it still sounds bad.

sundrop24 · May 2010

I don't think its bad. Keep your name what you want it to be. But I also don't think Mrs. Brake is bad either. My mom kept her previous marriage name because she is in realestate and people knowyou by your name. Even now, that she has been married to my dad for at least 25 years she goes by her previous married name. Just cause its easier.

meredithl618 · May 2010

If it's because you think Brake looks weird, I think that's the wrong reason to do it. Because that doesn't seem to be weird or unusual, or something you might be embarrassed by. If it's because keeping your name is something really personal to you or for your career, etc then I think okay.

wlfpkbride · May 2010

I agree with Meredith. Have you talked to your FI about it? My FI is very traditional and he would likely be upset if I told him I didn't want to take his last name. I would talk to him sooner rather than later just to make sure the two of you are on the same page.

kristyand · May 2010

http://apracticalwedding.com/2010/05/on-name-changing-and-weddings-the-follow-up/

GirlieGirl27320 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_north-carolina_dont-want-change-last-nameis-bad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:115Discussion:10993b0f-50f2-4169-b077-8f614996cce7Post:92c8357c-8fbe-405b-b986-b0e5889f8905">Re: I don't want to change my last name..is that bad?</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree with Meredith. Have you talked to your FI about it? My FI is very traditional and he would likely be upset if I told him I didn't want to take his last name. I would talk to him sooner rather than later just to make sure the two of you are on the same page.
Posted by wlfpkbride[/QUOTE]

THIS! I can only imagine the look on FI's face if I told him this. Actually, everyone in our family would have this same look, too! It is definitely your choice and up to you, but I would make sure that your FI is aware before the big day!

midnite007x · May 2010

i would talk to your FI about it and see how he feels....ok, FI standing over my should says its a slap in the face, lol....now back to what I was saying.....get his feelings on it and consider them.

FI knows my family name is important to me...i am legally keeping my last name but it will go silent and i will only used my married last name, he is fine with this.

wlfpkbride · May 2010

I'm dropping my middle name (I've never liked it) and my maiden name will become my middle name. My dad doesn't have any son's so I'm sure he will appreciate it.

wlfpkbride · May 2010

This just made me think of something. We were talking about odd names at work one day. One of my co-workers had a friend who married a guy whose last name is Cox. They actually named their son Holden.

Poor kid, who does that?

Beth0882 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_north-carolina_dont-want-change-last-nameis-bad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:115Discussion:10993b0f-50f2-4169-b077-8f614996cce7Post:ba5df71d-3b3e-432e-843b-60c1ccbae1cc">Re: I don't want to change my last name..is that bad?</a>:
[QUOTE]This just made me think of something. We were talking about odd names at work one day. One of my co-workers had a friend who married a guy whose last name is Cox. They actually named their son Holden. Poor kid, who does that?
Posted by wlfpkbride[/QUOTE]
Oh man, I had to say that one outloud a few times before I got it...Really poor kid!!! Hope they come to their senses.

As far as the OP's name change -- I don't think Peterson-Brake sounds wierd at all. Actually sounds very distinguished :) Personally, I am thrilled to change (altho a little sad, my dad has no sons either) because my name is wierd and hard to spell and FI's name is fairly normal, so I will be able to quit spelling it out over the phone...I can only say "n as in nancy" so many times before going insane!

FutureMrsFraser · May 2010

theIn Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_north-carolina_dont-want-change-last-nameis-bad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:115Discussion:10993b0f-50f2-4169-b077-8f614996cce7Post:22bbe74d-15ff-431d-8de2-a4f42bf9777a">Re: I don't want to change my last name..is that bad?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm dropping my middle name (I've never liked it) and my maiden name will become my middle name. My dad doesn't have any son's so I'm sure he will appreciate it.
Posted by wlfpkbride[/QUOTE]

I'm doing the same

laudanum1 · May 2010

I love that article kristyandruss. A lot of different viewpoints in there & all valid ones.

I agree with the PPs that you should definately run this by your FI & get his opinions on this matter. I can't imagine changing my name. I love my name just as it is, & so I kept it when I got married. DH has no issues with this. He even offered to change his because I'm the last in the line of my paternal grandparents. Some people see matching last names as a big deal, others don't.

brokenhallelujah · May 2010

I'm not changing mine. I will most likely hyphenate mine, but we've even talked about my FI taking my last name, although he knows his family will through a fit about it (just one of many things they will probably complain about in our marriage).

I'm doing it because my name is important to me, and the only Velten children left to get married are all women, so the name would be gone. (Although I do hate saying "V as in Victor" over the phone or anytime I have to spell my name for someone).

But I would definitely agree about talking to your FI about it because some guys can be very traditional on this fact.

FutureMrsFraser · May 2010

Wow, your hubby offered to change his last name? That's awesome and shows how dedicated he is to you.

)

brokenhallelujah · May 2010

Yeah! It's great, I think, because he knows how important it is to me. And he's tired of his (these are his words) "plain & boring" last name.

jmp0930 · May 2010

FI definitely wants me to change my last name...he is very traditional about these sort of things. We have a little joke about it because his nickname for me is Petrey(yea from the land before time movie) or peter so he says I should hyphenate it and change my last name to Peter-Brake or Petrey-Brake.

P.S. I hope Holden Cox ends up being a really big strong kid because he's going to get picked on so bad for that..poor kid!

ecuchika · May 2010

I'm so glad I'm not alone!!! OP I feel odd about changing last names too. Maybe its because I'm so close to my dad's side of the family and was always so proud to have it. My grandfather was a very distingushed citizen around my home town and I was his "little girl". FI's last name is Grimes and to me it sounds dirty. I just don't care for the name plus the added fact that with my first name starting with G just doesnt fit right in my mind.

FI knows this and hates this fact b/c he is very happy to have his last name too and really close with his grandfather and is the last to carry on the name.

I will NOT drop my middle name...growing up I hated it but now I love it. My co-workers call me my first and middle name as one name too and they started this BEFORE they knew it was my real name which is so funny to me!

All in all I just dont know what I will do!!! I think I will just have 4 names but not sure if I want to be called by my maiden name or my married name.

I feel aweful saying this but I wish he had a different name

I really don't want to take it but FI will be so mad if I don't.

shigaites · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_north-carolina_dont-want-change-last-nameis-bad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:115Discussion:10993b0f-50f2-4169-b077-8f614996cce7Post:6a8770d9-0a8a-4e39-9bfd-82b4a4ea902f">Re: I don't want to change my last name..is that bad?</a>:
[QUOTE]Personally, I am thrilled to change (altho a little sad, my dad has no sons either) because my name is wierd and hard to spell and FI's name is fairly normal, so I will be able to quit spelling it out over the phone...I can only say "n as in nancy" so many times before going insane!
Posted by Beth0882[/QUOTE]

<div>I'm in the same boat. People have the hardest time with my last name for some reason. But I am sad that the family name basically ends with my sister and me :(</div>

brokenhallelujah · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_north-carolina_dont-want-change-last-nameis-bad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:115Discussion:10993b0f-50f2-4169-b077-8f614996cce7Post:00d80a26-c742-4281-be6b-5cd946f24c09">Re: I don't want to change my last name..is that bad?</a>:
[QUOTE]FI definitely wants me to change my last name...he is very traditional about these sort of things.
Posted by jmp0930[/QUOTE]

I think that a lot of brides go through this - not really liking the new last name. But it's just human. You've lived your whole life hearing your maiden name, so a new name is going to sound different at first. I don't think there's anything wrong with the name Brake, and after time you'll get used to it and how it sounds in your ears.

You've still got some time to think about it & talk with your FI about changing vs hyphenating vs no change. I don't think it's a decision that can be made for you on the boards, though. Everyone will have different opinions and circumstances.

pirategal03 · May 2010

There's nothing wrong with keeping your name. There's nothing wrong with adding your FI's last name or changing yours to his, or dropping your middle name or changing his to yours or whatever. Our current governor, for this marriage (her 2nd) changed her middle name to her current husband's last name. Since she was known politically with her last name, she didn't want to change that, but did want to take her husband's name. There are lots of options, and as long as you and FI are on the same page about it then do what feels right.

jmp0930 · May 2010

Pirategal...u are so wise! Lol i totally agree. I will probably just change my last name since hyphenating it sounds kinda weird. I guess I will get use to it in time but all my friends said they are still going to call me Peterson or Petrey. I guess changing my name to Brake isn't that bad...I have heard worst!!

kristyand · May 2010

Thanks Laud, I really thought it was great too. And I love the suggestion toward the end that the blogger is going to carry forward herself.

midnite007x · May 2010

only you cna make this decision....i totally urge you to read the article that kristy posted above!

while you do have a choice you dont have to drop your name....for me this was an odd thing, i can only explain it as...it felt like i was changing who i was. FI totally understood that, he is very supportive of me keeping my entire full name and just adding his last name to mine. although, i wont use it as hyphenated, i know in my own individuality, who i was and who i am becoming as wife has now been combined into who i am today.
first, middle, last, new last = ME

camus8 · May 2010

It's actually pretty funny cause at my bach party last weekend, all my friends and I were discussing how funny it was that I will be the only one who is changing my name! Two of them did it for professional reasons (being Dr. and wanting their maiden name for that) and the others just prefered their last name to their husbands. One of my bridesmaids also kept her maiden name and got a lot of slack about it from both her mother and his - but she stayed strong and stuck to her decision.

I just personally hate my last name and love my fiance's name so I am very stoked to change mine. You should do whatever feels right to you at this point, but make sure you are thinking about if/when you have children what that naming scenario will look like and if you are okay with that. ~

katherineUTC · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_north-carolina_dont-want-change-last-nameis-bad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:115Discussion:10993b0f-50f2-4169-b077-8f614996cce7Post:6a8770d9-0a8a-4e39-9bfd-82b4a4ea902f">Re: I don't want to change my last name..is that bad?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I don't want to change my last name..is that bad? : Oh man, I had to say that one outloud a few times before I got it...Really poor kid!!! Hope they come to their senses. As far as the OP's name change -- I don't think Peterson-Brake sounds wierd at all. Actually sounds very distinguished :) Personally, I am thrilled to change (altho a little sad, my dad has no sons either) because my name is wierd and hard to spell and FI's name is fairly normal, so I will be able to quit spelling it out over the phone...I can only say "n as in nancy" so many times before going insane!
Posted by Beth0882[/QUOTE]

I was in the same boat, my maiden name was long, hard to spell, hard to pronounce, I was constantly doing the "B as in boy, etc etc N as in nicholas, etc" thing EVERY time I had to give my name. DH's last name is a common word in the English language, one that pretty much is familiar with, so I was PSYCHED to change it. I kept my middle name and just changed my last name. If the situation had been reversed, I may have considered keeping my maiden name.

heybekaruth · May 2010

here is a thought too. i am one of three girls and so my sisters and i have always been more traditional in that we would plan to take our husband's last name and when we got married we would do it as someone else mentioned: first, middle, maiden, new. therefore, if someone years and years from now ever wanted to research their family tree, etc. they would be able to more easily find it and it keeps your name as part of you, if you want it that way. my mother did it this way, however, on documents she drops her middle name but on 'official' documents it lists all 4 (driver's license, ss card, our birth certificates, etc.)

but i completely agree with some of the pp - a name is a very personal thing and there is no right or wrong. only you and your fi can make that decision and know what is right for you. some ppl may find it odd if you keep your maiden and others may find it odd that you take his.

this is one of those areas where whatever you want and feel comfortable with is the correct answer

I don't want to change my last name..is that bad?

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