Community› Cultural Wedding Boards› African American Weddings
African American Weddings
New Discussion

Starting to Take a Toll (Kinda Long)

TysWife2BeTysWife2Be member
First Anniversary First Comment
in African American Weddings
So ladies...

All this stress from planning is taking a toll on me, my relationship and my job.

My immune systems is hella week. I am sick as a dog right now!

I am probably sleep deprived...I am up EVERY SINGLE NIGHT online trying to find the perfect place and make phone calls...its a NEVER ending process.

Me and FI arent on the greatest of terms right now. Everything seems to hit a trigger button.

I cant focus at work because I want to get all this wedding stuff DONE.

I cant handle this too much longer.

You would think that I would be in better shape because of a planner BUT I feel like that is even MORE stress. STOP CALLING ME SO MUCH! I cant go to all these appointments AND talk to you all in one day. I had FIVE venue appointments both days and I got a phone call on BOTH days while I was still looking. MY GOODNESS...can you call me Monday morning or something please...

I am extremely overwhelmed right now but I feel like there is no such thing as a break ESPECIALLY since I still dont have a venue and I am just over 6 months out.

I just need everyone to back up and leave me the hell alone!

PLEASE tell me that I am not the only one dealing with this...

I HATE MY LIFE RIGHT NOW!!!
AAW June 2011 Siggy Challenge : "Daddy and Me"

Photobucket

Wedding Planning Blog (Updated 10/18/10)

Report Reply to Post

Re: Starting to Take a Toll (Kinda Long)

  • TysWife2BeTysWife2Be member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I didnt post it hoping for sympathy cards but I really needed to get that out.

    I have been crying the ENTIRE weekend...its like EVERYTHING is going wrong.

    I thought I had it together and would be able to do this but right now, I just cant...I cant do this...
    AAW June 2011 Siggy Challenge : "Daddy and Me"

    Photobucket

    Wedding Planning Blog (Updated 10/18/10)

    Report Reply
  • rodeo417rodeo417
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Girl it will be ok!!!! Just remember that You, FI and the Love that you two share makes the venue glow!!! Nothing else. It could be made of gold but even gold gets dull. Take a breath and another breath and then have a drink. Don't worry it will be ok.
    Anniversary
    Report Reply
  • sdstephens2010sdstephens2010
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Have you thought about eloping? At the end of the day, you want to be able to enjoy your day. FI and I are having a DW at a resort that handles everything and we have not argued not 1 time about the wedding or it's details. Just a thought... 
    Report Reply
  • missrekaeaglemissrekaeagle
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Maybe you should take a break from wedding planning for a couple days and relax. Everything will work out.
    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
    Report Reply
  • MIABRIDENTAMPAMIABRIDENTAMPA
    First Comment Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Hun, I was feeling like this just last week, I went to Miami for some wedding stuff, and seemed fi, my mom, and stepdad, wanted to turn the wedding into something that I wasnt okay with. I took a step back, took a few days to not discuss the wedding, and came back with a refreshed mind and spirit. Do not let this stress u, it will be ok. Sit fi down and explain to him the stress this is causing you, believe sometimes men understand more than we give them credit for.
    About time I updated the Bio 02-20-2010 image Siggy Challenge ://www.theknot.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers">Wedding Countdown Ticker
    www.my-calorie-counter.com ????The webs free Calorie Counter
    image
    Report Reply
  • TysWife2BeTysWife2Be member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    @rodeo - I am still nursing so I cant have a drink...but boy I am on a countdown...2 more months...

    @sdstephens - I dont want to elope...Embarassed

    @MIA and missreka - maybe a couple of days will be good...but knowing me, I may still do SOMETHING...times like this I wish I didnt have a laptop (or desktop) at home...hell, even then I still have this big ol binder that goes everywhere with me...

    I guess I feel a little better since I am waking up this morning but I am sure as the day goes on, I will start thinking about everything.

    As far as FI goes, I will have to wait to talk to him because like I said we are not on the best of terms right now and wedding talk is the least of my worries.
    AAW June 2011 Siggy Challenge : "Daddy and Me"

    Photobucket

    Wedding Planning Blog (Updated 10/18/10)

    Report Reply
  • OFFOFF
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    BIG HUG!  I went through the same thing, for me it was important to take a step back and take a deep breath.  I let everything go for a little bit so I could come back to it refreshed.  Remember this is just one day.  No matter where you choose to have your wedding it will be beautiful and you two will be happy.  Don't let yourself get so stressed and overwhelmed you forget this is supposed to be the happiest time of your life.  I know it's easier said than done but don't let the process over take you and drag you down.  Remember we are here if you need support or just to vent.  
    The Official Operation Five in Four Years (OFF) Planning Bio!
    Non-Pro Wedding Pictures
    Honeymoon Pictures
    image
    Report Reply
  • sdstephens2010sdstephens2010
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I understand, because eloping is not for everyone. I would say to talk with your FI and find out his feelings in all of this and you guys make the decisions and compromises necessary to get you guys back on track.
    Report Reply
  • MypasmitaMypasmita
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011

    Oh oh, sounds like deja vu to me. Remember my disappearance for 2 weeks? That's almost exactly what was going on with me. So I understand, I am sorry you are going through this and big knotties hugs to you.

    Now on a practical level:
    The only advice I can give you is to go about this like a man, in a logical and not emotional manner. You need to start believing that there is no "perfect" venue. No matter where you decide to have your wedding (with some common sense boundaries of course) you can make it work. You can't keep pushing to make a decision or you will feel even more overwhelmed because you won't have enough time to do everything else you need to do... easier said than done. I know!

    TAKE A BREAK. If you are anything like me, your break might be about obsessing over taking a break. LOL! But just 1. take a step back 2.prioritize what's important and what's a deal breaker for you 3. set a date by when you need to make a decision and stick to it.


    My fear through my whole freaking out episode was that Fi was going to think I was nuts and he wouldn't want to marry me anymore (silly but that's how I was feeling) The right thing to say would be to tell you to try not to let the stress affect you relationship. But how do you do that? You are stressed and everything can set you off. Just tell him how you feel about this  issue and not the little fights that ensued from the stress (and not assume he knows) and he might want to step in and help you however he can (most men tend to do that) and he might be a little more understanding of your state of mind right now.

    image
    Blog Away
    Report Reply
  • essianessian member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I am sorry to hear you are feeling this way.I have been soo overwhelmed and stressed so many times during this planning process too so I know how you feel. I was telling FI last week that I can't focus at work because I have so much wedding stuff to do that I want to get it out of the way at work.Our search for a venue was a long and stressful one too.After checking out at least 30 places, guess what, we ended up selecting one of the first places we looked at.

    My suggestion to you right now would be to step back from wedding planning(inc. the knot) for a little while -at least for about three days and let your mind rest.That is what I have done anytime I feel overwhelmed and it has worked for me so far.Also, talk to FI about how your are feeling and you would be surprised that him listening to you would help me you feel so much better.

    Regarding the venue, like pasma said, there is really nothing like a perfect venue. At the end of the day, remember the wedding only lasts for a day and the marriage is really what counts. It's your love and committment for each other that would make the perfect wedding.When you ask your guests 5 years from now what they remember from your wedding, I am sure most of them would not remember the venue.Having said that, I believe that the venue is important to you so, just figure out the top 3 things you need the venue to have, and the other 'nice to-haves' and discuss with FI.Once you both are on the same page,set a date for when you want to book the venue and review some of the places you have already been to and see if they would not make the cut. If they don't you can continue searching.Don't forget to pray for God's guidance too.I would keep u in my prayers too. Good Luck!
    Report Reply
  • gatineaubridegatineaubride member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I think all the ladies out there gave you good advice. One lesson that I have learned since i started wedding planning is that we are sometimes so focused about the big celebration itself but we forget to continue nurturing the relationship. The wedding is one day but marriage is whole life commitment. I would say take a break and reset your priorities. Like most ladies told you, there is not a perfect venue. Believe it or not, I have visited 12 venues and I was ready to continue because I was always worried about having regrets.. Finally I made my mind on one ( Thanks to Pasma's suggestions on her blog) because  I realised that I was being unrealistic and losing my sanity at the same time. Just pick one so that you can move on with the rest of the planning. What people usually remember from wedding is whether they had fun or not. I have been to extremely luxurious ballroom for a wedding but it was so boring. I went toa wedding  in a community center and it was so so much fun that I still remember it even five years later!
    Take care of yourself!
    Report Reply
  • pawdappawdap
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Girl!  I cried this weekend too.  I 've been looking for a limo and people have been yelling at me and asking me why do I want to look at the limo.  What kind of question is that.  I finally broke down I have no help.  ai don't if you read my post a couple of days ago, my bestfriend has not asked and FI doe not bother to ask.
    wedding websites
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards