Reception planning

FutureGambrel · April 2010

Ok, this is just a major venting post. I am loosing my mind! My fiance thinks that planning the whole reception should be up to me! I can't do it all on my own! I'm having mini breakdowns all the time when he goes into a different room, and just a second ago I freaked out on him because we are needing to get our recption play list figured out so we can get it to the DJ, which he told me last night we would do together today, and here it is 8:02pm and the freaking thing still isn't being done because "he doesn't want to do anything with me when I am in this kind of mood"!!!! I swear at some point I'm just going to snap! I want to cry, yell, beat the hell out of him, anything just to make him see what all this stress is doing to me. We are less than a month from being husband and wife and less than 3 months from the huge reception. I feel like it is all crashing down on me with having to do all this planning, having to go to physical therapy for my back that I messed up working on Easter, house work always needs to be done, and then of course I have to make time for him which leaves little time for me just to relax and chill. While all day he sits on the damn computer and plays World of Warcraft! And the only time that I can get him away from that damn game is on Tuesdays when it's down all morning for genral updates.
I'm trying to stay as calm as I can, but the more he puts off the more stress it causes me and the more pain I get in my just healing back. I don't know what to do. When I put my foot down to get busy, he says I being moody. Which there in causes me to start becoming moody.
Any relaxation tips would be prefered. Along with any ideas on how to get the fire going under his feet, because I need help!

AmandalovesAl · April 2010

It is great that this man has gotten you through some tough times, that is really important....

that being said, a relationship needs to be a day to day thing, and you can not stock up on good deeds and then slack off and do nothing, When was the last time he did something really good for/to you

FutureGambrel · April 2010

I know that I WILL enjoy it when it comes time to, it's just I feel overwhelmed at times when I get to planning because I do it alone. It's kinda fun doing it by myself at times just for the fact I dont have to fight about it, but somethings need his touch too. I think it's the fact that we're both young and we don't always want to ask for help before being overwhelmed and he doesn't like to push for things because I shot down his batman/superman wedding cake idea.

As far as we go together, our relationship has had some huge hills to climb over and we fought to get over each one. Can you say that at 19 years old you were able to travel all over your state to live in 5 different parts in 2 years, or that you lost your first child because your mother pushed you, or that you looked in the eyes of two different people who abused you almost daily and tell them to go f*** themselves because you went going to take it anymore? And all the while I only had one person in my corner who said they would always be there and ment it. Who held me when I cried, pushed me to better myself in all the ways possible, and when I hurt my back at work and he couldn't come with me to the hospital because our employer said I wasn't anything to him he looked them in the face and told them that they were wrong and they could take their only job in the whole town and shove it because they had no respect for their employees and their families. He CAN be a pain in the ass, and at times like today, he takes full advantage of it. But like a gentleman, he will defend my honor, suport me when I am frightened, and love me when even my mother and father have turned their backs on me. My man is only 19 and wants to play his games because of all the travel that we have done. It's his way of hanging out with friends. I respect that because at times all I wish to do is hide in my books and he can't get me to do a damn thing.

My point is, I asked for relaxation tips and maybe ideas on how to get him motivated about doing some of the more boring things that will help to make the reception a blast for kids of all ages, not for people to judge my crazy yet loveable man. I will take care of his gaming issues. I just wish for people to understand, I needed to vent, I don't have some unresolved relationship issue that needs to be taken care of, the issue is we're both 19 turning 20 the day before(me) and the day after(him) we wed. We are a young couple who, yes we know what we are getting into because we both had parents who married many times and neither of us want to do that, that love and care for eachother. I just asked for tips.

FutureGambrel · April 2010

the last time he did something good for or to me is this morning when he made me breakfast in bed and after I ate it, we snuggled for a hour. Then we went to a BBQ and danced after the blessing of the bikes. Then at 2:30 we came home and I was ready to plan and he wanted to play. It's just little things.

Panda8723 · April 2010

Step 1) Make a list of everything that you want for your reception

Step 2) Cross off the unnecessary, stressful items that you don't need

Step 3) Re-write the list, but this time do it in the order of which the items need to be done. Most important first, least important last. Write deadline dates next to each item

Step 4) Keep the list in a place you walk by every day, crossing off items as you accomplish them and seeing what remains to be done. Your list will grow smaller by the day and you will get that feeling of accomplishment

Using this method, your FI will see all that you need to do and might be more willing to help you with it. It will also help you calm down as you see everything getting crossed off one by one.

jenn.daniel · April 2010

While it's very kind of you to be ok with your FI playing video games as his way of finally relaxing after stressful traveling, etc, I hope he understands that you also need time to relax yourself.

I don't mean this the wrong way, but I'm assuming you're on medication for your depression and anxiety. Have you tried talking to your doctor about possibly increasing the dose or trying another medication?

I read to relax. If it's warm enough, I'll sit in the outside in the sun (wearing sunscreen). If it's cold, reading under a blanket with some hot chocolate is good. Whatever you do to relax, make time for yourself! I also recommend journaling.

As far as motivating him, have a serious sit-down. Say something along the lines of, "I really appreciate it when you bring me breakfast in bed, but it'd be even better if you could take some time tomorrow morning to help me with..."

xoxob · April 2010

I agree with Jen. You may want to try talking to your doctor.

I also agree with Trix that if you're having this much stress, the easiest way to cut back on your stress level is to scale back your planning.

Otherwise, wow, and good luck.

tommyandy · April 2010

What if instead of giving the DJ a list of every single song to play, give him the dances(first dance, father-daughter, etc) & the hell no songs( the chicken dance, the hokey-pokey, etc.). Then let him know the general mood you are looking for. Also provide him a time line for cake cutting etc. This is probably not his first wedding.

When we first started planning, I found it a lot easier to narrow things down to 3 or 4 choices before I asked FI his opinion. This might work for you too.

It may be time for a 'come to jesus' talk with your FI about how the 2 of you live together & that fact that you are not the maid. Also, if he's not getting a paycheck from Blizzard it may be time to reduce his WOW hours. What 2 days of the week are the most important to him in the game? Will he hold off on playing the other 5 days of the week until after the wedding?

starryskies407 · April 2010

pandas list idea is great.

are you two doing premarital counseling? I think you should. Sounds like you have been through a lot together and thats fantastic. counseling may help you two to learn even better how to communiciate, express your needs. it would only help you improve your relationship.

Also, you guys are young, so maybe not-but is there any chance of you being able to afford a coordinator? If you were able to, that would probably help a lot of calm your anxiety.

jedaniel · April 2010

Really i have to say it bothers me that those people at the top are judging your relationship, you asked for relaxation tips!!! So here are some things i do. 1. take a bath in some lavender or aloe salts(stay in there for like 45 minutes to an hour) 2. read a book (some fiction so you can get caught up in it) 3. ask your fiancee to give you a massage(romantic) and no wedding talk during it 4. go for a walk in a park with a walking trail 5. I buy alot of those audio books from itunes and just sit outside and isten to them. So thats just some, i hope everything works out. Remeber this receptions is only hours out of one day and after that it will be you and him forever.

[Deleted User] · April 2010

Lists, lists, and more lists. As far as relaxation goes, have a drink each night esp when you are really stressed. And don't think you have to do it all yourself, ask others for help. I have a hard time with that myself, but it does help.

FutureGambrel · April 2010

Thank you all for your opinions and tips. I really enjoy the fact that some people can be very helpful. Things are going a little smoother now that he and I had a very to the point discussion. I told him exactly what I need from him and he told me what he needs from me and now that we both know where the other stands it has made everything so enjoyable and much more peaceful.

Reception planning

Re: Reception planning

Choose Another Board

Search Boards