Pre-wedding Parties

engagement party - oh the complications!

I just became engaged and have started the wonderful undertaking of... "ALL... THE... RESEARCH!"

One thing I can't seem to resolve in terms of etiquette, or an 'easy fix'

If the two families are from seperate states, where would one have the engagment party???  Or just no party at all???  Or... I mean we 'could' technically have just a dinner in each state for each family, but that defeats the purpose of families meeting.

It's unfortunately even trickier than that!  The groom's parents are divorced, and the brides parents are deceased.

So what to do?   Is it not 'worth' it in this case?  Too many logistical nightmares?   

Or is it something one would end up 'regretting' they never had?  I mean, I only intend to get married once, so I kinda want to make the whole journey there count and all :)

So perplexed as to what might be done for this situation, any thoughts are much appreciated!!

Re: engagement party - oh the complications!

  • mgietler76mgietler76 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    First relax and take a moment to enjoy being engaged.

    An engagement party is not something you need to worry about because you shouldn't be throwing a party in your honor anyways. If someone decides to do this for you let them worry about logistics.

    I think though with all the hassles you mention it might be easier to forgo the engagement party even if it is offered. You won't regret it, I didn't have one, nor have I ever been invited to one for family or friends who we getting married.
  • mgietler76mgietler76 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_engagement-party-oh-complications?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:77347149-1c8b-44fc-b634-db6693fef316Post:cd015167-4ef3-4078-8b7d-b771bb02e2c4">engagement party - oh the complications!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I just became engaged and have started the wonderful undertaking of... "ALL... THE... RESEARCH!" One thing I can't seem to resolve in terms of etiquette, or an 'easy fix' If the two families are from seperate states, where would one have the engagment party???  Or just no party at all???  Or... I mean we 'could' technically have just a dinner in each state for each family, but that defeats the purpose of families meeting. It's unfortunately even trickier than that!  The groom's parents are divorced, and the brides parents are deceased. So what to do?   Is it not 'worth' it in this case?  Too many logistical nightmares?    Or is it something one would end up 'regretting' they never had?  I mean, I only intend to get married once, so I kinda want to make the whole journey there count and all :) So perplexed as to what might be done for this situation, any thoughts are much appreciated!!
    Posted by lobritis[/QUOTE]
  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Skip an e-party.  It's not at all required.  I don't know anyone IRL who had an e-party, and that includes us, our son and DIL, and our DD and SIL. 

    The very minute you finish reading this post and say "I'm okay with not having an e-party at all" you'll feel a weight off your shoulders.

    Let this one go.  No one will miss an e-party at all, and your life will get much easier.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • ManwaithielManwaithiel member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Since the e-party is not something you do, then it's none of your concern. If someone wants to throw you one, they will do so and take care of the logistics themselves.
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  • ootmother2ootmother2 member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 25 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011

    #1, calm down

    #2 Anyone can host the engagement party other than the couple that is to be honored.

    I am MOB and my exH hosted the engagement party at his club. The capacity was 80 so I asked MOG how many "must haves' she had.  She replied asking  for half the spots.  This was impossible as it was in NJ, their family was all in MA. and I wasn't the one hosting.  We finally worked that out, immediate family only and all went well.

  • JordyanaJordyana member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Alright, take a deep breath. I highly encourage that you spend a little while just enjoying being engaged. You don't need to start planning right away unless you're planning to get married in, say, a month. Otherwise, relax and just enjoy you and your fiance.

    Secondly, there's no need for an engagement party. According to wedding etiquette, the bride and groom are not supposed to throw themselves a party. If someone else decides to throw you a party, great! Enjoy it! Otherwise, don't even think about it. I've been engaged nearly two months and no one has thrown me a party nor do I expect them to.  (Although I will admit I was happy when I got my one and only "happy engagement" card! =D)

    If you want the two families to meet, then you need to discuss it with both families. Perhaps you could find a mutual time and place for the families to meet for the first time. This will NOT be an engagement party, but more like a "families finally meeting" party. Doesn't have to be anything over the top.

    Once again, relax. You're newly engaged and have plenty of time to plan things out.
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