OOT guests what are they invited to?

Sarah0335 · February 2012

I am really lost on what to do. Most of my family is coming from out of town. Our wedding is in Rhode Island and my family is in North Carolina, Florida, California and Oregon.

I was not plan on inviting all of our out of town guests to the rehersal dinner because that would basically be my entire family. FIs parents have been kind enough to offer to pay for the rehersal dinner, so I want to keep it at the 18 people it is at right now.

I was thinking about doing a casual brunch the morning after the wedding for the OOT guests. I just found out the hotel we have rooms blocked off at only has a continental breakfast. The reveiws are not good either. I can't find any breakfast places in a reasonable distance where I can host this.

Do you think I have to do something extra for all of the OOT guests? Would it be too late in the day to do a lunch the next day? I could use any and all thoughts or advice! Thank you!!

Hilraythebride · February 2012

I think you should host them at the RD , it is the first night they are coming in and it would be really nice to get everyone together. I would put the money you wanted to use for the brunch after the wedding on the RD. I am not sure what day of the week you are having your wedding but if it is a Saturday and everyone is coming in Friday they may not be able to stay Sunday for brunch if they have work on Monday and need to use it as a travel day.

The RD doesn't have to be something fancy can just be a backyard bbq even.

KrisKenny · February 2012

I don't think you are "required" to do anything above and beyond the reception (seeing how the reception is the "thank you" to your guests for coming to the wedding).

However, I think if you wanted to do a lunch the next day, that should be fine.

Megbo2012 · February 2012

You are not required to host OOT people, but it is nice if you can afford it. Since your FI's parents want to keep it small, you could offer to cover all of the OOT guests.

DrPB2b13 · February 2012

If it is not traditional in your family for something extra to be done for OOT guests, I wouldn't stress out about it - they won't be expecting something. If it is something you really WANT to do, I say go for it, but it's certainly not required.

I don't think lunch is too late; let's face it, a lot of people may still just be waking up at that time!

ncd5015 · February 2012

Like Meg said, you're not required to but if you can afford it, it's a nice gesture. Is the rehearsal dinner at a restaurant? You could invite them to join at the restaurant after the dinner to mingle and meet one another. Not necessarily hosting anything, just meeting up with one another before the wedding.

Sarah0335 · February 2012

The rehersal dinner is going to be at a restaurant. Probably a restaurant about 15-20 minutes away from the hotel. Having it at someones house is not really an option. We don't have any houses that are really close enough to the hotel and ceremony location.

FI doesn't want them coming to the rehersal. I think he feels weird if we have literally ALL of my family there and just his parents. His whole family is local, which is why we picked that area.

I think it is kind of expected that they are going to be invited to something besides the wedding though. I am not sure if I should do the lunch or just tell them we will be keeping the rehersal dinner small.

littleluckypenny · February 2012

I totally understand where you're coming from, as my wedding is in NY and my entire family will be coming from FL and NC.

I want to invite them to the RD, but that would be over 100 people, including WP and FILs. Doesn't seem fair to have half of the wedding list, it seems rude to his family. We ran into the same hotel breakfast problem like you too.

We can't afford to host another get together, so we are going to let everyone know through word of mouth where we will plan to have breakfast the day after the wedding if anyone wants to join us. It's not official and it's optional, therefore we are not hosting.

midgetthemighty · February 2012

We're only inviting OOT guests to the wedding/reception. Granted, there aren't that many OOT guests and some of them are involved in the wedding and will therefore be at the rehearsal dinner because of that, no other reason. I had never heard of OOT guests being invited to anything beyond the wedding/reception until I came to TK.

chelseakopperud · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_oot-guests-what-are-they-invited-to?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:6f893eb7-1da2-4d4d-948b-046319f84007Post:6c329a35-88ac-422b-bdea-979cb37a9925">Re: OOT guests what are they invited to?</a>:
[QUOTE]If it is not traditional in your family for something extra to be done for OOT guests, I wouldn't stress out about it - they won't be expecting something. If it is something you really WANT to do, I say go for it, but it's certainly not required. I don't think lunch is too late; let's face it, a lot of people may still just be waking up at that time!
Posted by DrPB2b13[/QUOTE]

This! We are going to have a campfire and snacks after the RD at my parents house for all OOT family members and friends. We dont feel we HAVE to.....we just want to. It willl be fun!

MMRoberts11 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_oot-guests-what-are-they-invited-to?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:6f893eb7-1da2-4d4d-948b-046319f84007Post:7292611a-7f90-444a-a830-93f3d2cbcd33">Re: OOT guests what are they invited to?</a>:
[QUOTE]We're only inviting OOT guests to the wedding/reception. Granted, there aren't that many OOT guests and some of them are involved in the wedding and will therefore be at the rehearsal dinner because of that, no other reason. I had never heard of OOT guests being invited to anything beyond the wedding/reception until I came to TK.
Posted by midgetthemighty[/QUOTE]

Agreed.

laurabub · February 2012

We are inviting our OOT guests to the rehearsal dinner. I feel super weird about it since my FILs are hosting and the OOT guest's are from my side of the family. My mom pretty much said that is the way that it has to be (and they will pay for the extra guests if need be). But of course my FIL's won't accept any money from me or my parents to cover the extra costs for these guests. (It is going to be like having a second wedding the night before :-/ ) It is just weird having someone else host my OOT family....then again my parents are hosting the wedding for everyone... Ok, so that doesn't answer your question, but your post sparked my boiling irritation...

I think that lunch would be great to have. If I was a guest I would think it was a fun idea.

Cassandra999 · February 2012

What if you did something after the RD for the OOT guests like a welcome cocktail party or something less than dinner.

I was worried about this too since most of my familiy is traveling and FI's family is local, then my mom told me most of our family won't be coming until the day of

doeie04 · February 2012

Most of our guests are OOT. We are not doing anything for them. We can't afford it and they don't expect it. I also refused to have a fancy RD so people could come and mooch off of us. We are already spending thousands for the wedding and reception.

Also, most people just want to grab something easy to eat and lounge/sleep in their rooms since they will be tired from traveling. I personally hate to have to go to a function after traveling all day.

sweetcanadian1979 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_oot-guests-what-are-they-invited-to?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:6f893eb7-1da2-4d4d-948b-046319f84007Post:7292611a-7f90-444a-a830-93f3d2cbcd33">Re: OOT guests what are they invited to?</a>:
[QUOTE]We're only inviting OOT guests to the wedding/reception. Granted, there aren't that many OOT guests and some of them are involved in the wedding and will therefore be at the rehearsal dinner because of that, no other reason.<strong> I had never heard of OOT guests being invited to anything beyond the wedding/reception until I came to TK</strong>.
Posted by midgetthemighty[/QUOTE]

<div>this. </div><div>
</div><div>In my circle it is customary to have a gift opening the next day for anyone who wants to come, both local & oot. We bring the open alcohol from the wedding (i am in an area where it is all bring your own) & the left over food & have an afternoon with family & friends. </div><div>
</div><div>I would NOT have them for the rehersal dinner but you could always have a meet & greet in the breakfast room of the hotel if they allowed it. </div><div>
</div><div>Ours has a meeting room as well as a breakfast room we could use. </div>

MiksChick23 · February 2012

We are thinking of doing a low-key RH and inviting some of the OOT guests that will be up early. Low key meaning, rent a room, order pizza and have pitchers of beer & margaritas. 90% of our guests are traveling atleast 3.5 hours for our wedding, so those who come up the day before I'd hate to leave without anything to do. I wouldn't think you are required to invite them to anything extra, but if you can afford it, its the nice thing to do. Even if we just included WP (with dates) and parents, we'd be pushing 40 people....so why not order a few more pizzas and include more people?

LAJ023 · February 2012

My FI also has alot of OOT family/guests, actually everyone except his parents. I wanted to have an intimate rehersal dinner with our wedding party & parents at a restaurant but we might have a bbq at FI's parents house so everyone can come. Maybe you could have a get together after the rehersal dinner? Brunch or lunch the following day might work out but you have to consider guests may be leaving in the early morning or be anxious to head home.

JulieSher · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_oot-guests-what-are-they-invited-to?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:6f893eb7-1da2-4d4d-948b-046319f84007Post:85aa5591-b570-495a-bdb3-b7938ab93453">Re: OOT guests what are they invited to?</a>:
[QUOTE]We are inviting our OOT guests to the rehearsal dinner. I feel super weird about it since my FILs are hosting and the OOT guest's are from my side of the family. My mom pretty much said that is the way that it has to be (and they will pay for the extra guests if need be). But of course my FIL's won't accept any money from me or my parents to cover the extra costs for these guests. (It is going to be like having a second wedding the night before :-/ ) It is just weird having someone else host my OOT family....then again my parents are hosting the wedding for everyone... Ok, so that doesn't answer your question, but your post sparked my boiling irritation... I think that lunch would be great to have. If I was a guest I would think it was a fun idea.
Posted by laurabub[/QUOTE]

I am going through the exact same thing!! My mom is insisting that her 4 OOT friends be invited to the rehearsal dinner when no other OOT guests are invited. That would also mean that we would have to move the rehearsal dinner from Thursday to Friday! I feel your irritation!

OOT guests what are they invited to?

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