Attire & Accessories Forum

way to ask guests to cover their shoulders?

hi, is there a polite way you can think of to insist that guests cover their shoulders and back during the ceremony? we will be in a church and that's how we must dress in the worship area.

Re: way to ask guests to cover their shoulders?

  • I think pgcp stated it pretty well if you need to show that it is a requirement of your place of worship, so people will se that it's not just a quirk of the bride and groom.
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  • No there isn't a polite way to ask dress to cover their shoulders.  In fact you can't tell them how to dress.  The only people you get to tell what to wear are the WP.  Your guests are adults they can dress themselves. 
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_way-ask-guests-cover-their-shoulders?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:15Discussion:5bf0de62-881b-41a8-a6e5-2fcd19052554Post:6029b81e-1c5c-4cec-b317-8ddeefd886a2">Re: way to ask guests to cover their shoulders?</a>:
    [QUOTE]No there isn't a polite way to ask dress to cover their shoulders.  In fact you can't tell them how to dress.  The only people you get to tell what to wear are the WP.  Your guests are adults they can dress themselves. 
    Posted by amber0389[/QUOTE]

    <div>I know this is our standard answer around here, and I generally agree, but I know I personally would feel like a heel if I was dressed inappropriately for someone's church during a service.  Perhaps you could spread the information by word of mouth?  Presumably at least some of the other guests invited to the wedding also attend this same church - perhaps those who do could casually mention it to those who don't?</div>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_way-ask-guests-cover-their-shoulders?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:15Discussion:5bf0de62-881b-41a8-a6e5-2fcd19052554Post:6029b81e-1c5c-4cec-b317-8ddeefd886a2">Re: way to ask guests to cover their shoulders?</a>:
    [QUOTE]No there isn't a polite way to ask dress to cover their shoulders.  In fact you can't tell them how to dress.  The only people you get to tell what to wear are the WP.  Your guests are adults they can dress themselves. 
    Posted by amber0389[/QUOTE]
        This is absolutely untrue in cases where certain attire is a religious requirement. The most polite way to spread info on such things is by word of mouth.
  • edited December 2011
    If it isn't 100% required for entrance to the church, I honestly wouldn't worry about it. I've been to lots of conservative religious weddings and I've never seen any problems occur.  Most people will figure it out.  But I don't know what kind of church you're talking about.

    If it's truly required for entrance to the church then I would list the info on your website, spread via word of mouth and maybe on your website...?...


  • If a venue (church, synagogue, country club, private club...) has a dress code then the polite thing to do is to include a note with you invitations stating what the venue's requirements are.  This is very, very, very different from a couple deciding that they want their guests to dress a certain way.

    These are acceptable and helpful to your guests

    XYZ Church requires conservative dress for all services. 
    Please make sure your shoulders are covered.

    ABC Country club requires that all men wear a tie and jacket.
    Also, jeans are not permitted in the dining rooms.

    These are not acceptable

    Crazy Pants Bride and Nutty Nutjob Groom request
    that you wear all fuchsia and a cockatoo on your head.

    In keeping with the theme of their wedding
    Princess LooLoo and Prince Bartholomew
    request at all guests wear white flowy attire.




  • I like the pashmina/shawl idea. I know whenever I've gone to an event at a synogogue (I'm not Jewish), they have extra yarmulkes on hand for all of the non-Jewish men to cover their heads with, since they don't have their own.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_way-ask-guests-cover-their-shoulders?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:15Discussion:5bf0de62-881b-41a8-a6e5-2fcd19052554Post:3f42c5cc-f3f8-4779-9430-189fb56d7884">Re: way to ask guests to cover their shoulders?</a>:
    [QUOTE]If a venue (church, synagogue, country club, private club...) has a dress code then the polite thing to do is to include a note with you invitations stating what the venue's requirements are.  This is very, very, very different from a couple deciding that they want their guests to dress a certain way. These are acceptable and helpful to your guests XYZ Church requires conservative dress for all services.  Please make sure your shoulders are covered. ABC Country club requires that all men wear a tie and jacket. Also, jeans are not permitted in the dining rooms. These are not acceptable Crazy Pants Bride and Nutty Nutjob Groom request that you wear all fuchsia and a cockatoo on your head. In keeping with the theme of their wedding Princess LooLoo and Prince Bartholomew request at all guests wear white flowy attire.
    Posted by pgcp[/QUOTE]

    <div>Ha! Perfect explanation.</div>
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  • I think putting something on your website is the best way to circulate this information. Put an insert with your wedding website in with your invites.
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  • I would make sure that you have it on your website somewhere, and on your STD put that there is info on your site.  

    Or you could make a seperate piece of paper to put in the invites, and make it just to say there is important info regarding clothing, directions, etc.
  • I have been to my fair share of weddings and I am always baffled at how some women dress even knowing that the couple is having a very religious ceremony. There is no real polite way of telling your guests how to dress but as the other ladies have stated, word of mouth always seems to be a wonderful way to get the word out.

    I have also heard of brides doing an FAQ section of their wedding website. Questions like where to park, directions, etc. are added as well as the question "What should I wear?" which the appropriate answer would follow.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_way-ask-guests-cover-their-shoulders?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:15Discussion:5bf0de62-881b-41a8-a6e5-2fcd19052554Post:83b83f1e-3235-4bdf-93e6-8052ccbdd77c">Re: way to ask guests to cover their shoulders?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I would list the information about attire on your website, since it's required by your church. Also, I would buy some cheap shawls and have them available at the front of the church in case some women forget.
    Posted by cfaszews25[/QUOTE]

    <div>Exactly this.</div>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_way-ask-guests-cover-their-shoulders?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:15Discussion:5bf0de62-881b-41a8-a6e5-2fcd19052554Post:3f42c5cc-f3f8-4779-9430-189fb56d7884">Re: way to ask guests to cover their shoulders?</a>:
    [QUOTE]If a venue (church, synagogue, country club, private club...) has a dress code then the polite thing to do is to include a note with you invitations stating what the venue's requirements are.  This is very, very, very different from a couple deciding that they want their guests to dress a certain way. These are acceptable and helpful to your guests XYZ Church requires conservative dress for all services.  Please make sure your shoulders are covered. ABC Country club requires that all men wear a tie and jacket. Also, jeans are not permitted in the dining rooms. These are not acceptable Crazy Pants Bride and Nutty Nutjob Groom request that you wear all fuchsia and a cockatoo on your head. In keeping with the theme of their wedding Princess LooLoo and Prince Bartholomew request at all guests wear white flowy attire.
    Posted by pgcp[/QUOTE]

    Haaaa
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