Wedding Vows & Ceremony Discussions

Eucharist or no? Priests are having it out...

FI and I attend an Episcopal church where we go to school, but we are getting married at the church in my hometown. Our priest in our current city will be co-officiating the ceremony at the invitation of my hometown priest. 

Our Current Priest is all but insisting that we celebrate the eucharist at the wedding. The Hometown Priest does not AT ALL want us to do it. 

Should I say anything, or just let the two of them work it out? FI and I would really like to have it, in an ideal world. It's important to us, but I'm also not willing to start a fight with the hometown church over it. 

Does your answer make a difference if it would push the ceremony time from about 35-40 minutes to around 60-70 minutes? 
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Re: Eucharist or no? Priests are having it out...

  • As a guest, I HATE sitting through a long ceremony where I am not "allowed" to take communion because I am not of the same denomination. I love the idea of doing separately, just you and the WP. Besides then you can do it with just the priest that is insisting, and keep the other happy.
  • I'm with Tiger; keep the priest happy, but doing a full Eucharist that may or may not include all of or most of your guests just seems kind of rude to me. It's a wedding, not a church service, and especially since there's a co-officiant, I think the priest is def stepping on some toes. It's your ceremony, so I think you and FI need to speak up about what you want, not just let the holy men duke it out. Plus, only doing it with the wedding party would def cut down on the added time.
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  • Catwoman708Catwoman708 member
    Sixth Anniversary 1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited April 2011

    Many priests have an "all or nothing" approach to the type off weddings, other are more flexible. 

    My DD was married in our Episcopal church and the priest gave them a choice to do the full mass, with incense, Eucarist, and hymns, which would take about an hour.  Or he could do the shorter or "low church" version of about 45 minutes, or without a Eucharist, which would be about 30 minutes. 

    If I had to choose, I'd defer to the priest of the church where you will be having he wedding.  It's their show, their home turf, and to allow another priest to co-officiate, is a courtesy, not a requirement.. 

    That said, it's YOUR wedding, and if having the Eucharist is important to you, then tell them so.  I can't believe the priest is actually discouraging it.

  • CatWoman, thanks so much - I was hoping another Episcopalian would be around!

    The Eucharist was initially really important to me, but I completely agree with you that the hometown church is doing us a huge favor, and I'm very inclined to defer to them. 

    I talked to the hometown church secretary and found out the reasoning behind it. The church is enormous (it's the parish seat, so it's a giant cathedral) and they close off the center aisle for weddings. So, it's a logistical nightmare to funnel people out the side aisles, back to the center to get them up the steps to the altar, and then back down the sides to be re-seated. It apparently is very confusing and uncomfortable for those who aren't used to it.

    She estimated that with the size of our guest list (near 500) and the choir singing, it could potentially add 30-40 minutes alone to complete the Eucharist. I'm disappointed about that (I had gotten my heart set on it) but I don't want people's memory of our wedding to be "it was nice but OMG communion took FOREVER/was a nightmare." I'm more worried about the comfort of our guests at this point. Add to that the fact that the hometown church is opposed...I think it's all around just better to skip it.

    I'm beginning to feel OK about the compromise, though - the church will do a Eucharist for us and our families and whomever wishes to join us in the chapel the night before the wedding, just before the rehearsal. So I think that could potentially be better, anyway - definitely more intimate. 
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_eucharist-priests-having-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:4d0e73ef-1619-4536-baad-3e0a3713379dPost:922de7d0-2f78-427d-9fcc-4bb4226deb16">Re: Eucharist or no? Priests are having it out...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm catholic and so is some (not all) of my family. I've been to many catholic weddings of all varying kinds (both the 30 minute and the 70 minute) but I think my sister did it right last year. She just had communion for her, her husband and the WP (including parents). Not sure if this is an option for you, but just an idea! (BTW, I'm NOT having a catholic wedding but I am having my Episcopal "Aunt" marry us outside!)
    Posted by ljhires[/QUOTE]

    I'm Catholic, but I don't practice. I would probably do this if I were to have a Catholic ceremony.

    I too have been to the 30 minute one and the 70 minute one. I was a bridesmaid in both. I definitely preferred the 30 minute one!

    Whatever you choose to do is fine. If your priests/pastors, don't like it, oh well.

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_eucharist-priests-having-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:4d0e73ef-1619-4536-baad-3e0a3713379dPost:9f702b73-2fc1-4baf-b731-1cd6a24a1c37">Re: Eucharist or no? Priests are having it out...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm with Tiger; keep the priest happy, but doing a full Eucharist that may or may not include all of or most of your guests just seems kind of rude to me. <strong>It's a wedding, not a church service</strong>, and especially since there's a co-officiant, I think the priest is def stepping on some toes. It's your ceremony, so I think you and FI need to speak up about what you want, not just let the holy men duke it out. Plus, only doing it with the wedding party would def cut down on the added time.
    Posted by LoveMuffins[/QUOTE]

    Can I just say that this is mildly offensive?  If you're having your ceremony in a church you should believe in the sanctity of the sacrament, a wedding and a marriage very well can be a religious event and the traditions of a religion should not be shoved to the side because you want to get to the party faster.  I get that not all people are religious; that's why not all people get married in a church.  But if you do choose to get married in the church then it often times IS a church service.  And if you're choosing to attend a church wedding then you should respect the couple enough not to judge or diminish THEIR beliefs on the religious aspect of their wedding.  I certainly don't think its RUDE to your guests to practice your religion.

    To OP - I think Catwoman covered it; express your preference, but let the local priest make the final call.
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