Maid of Honor-Zilla

FutureLally · October 2010

My sister is my maid of honor, and she is being a real pain. She does not want to help, she is always saying that she cannot afford a dress, but she refuses the help to pay for one. I am a little less than 8 months away from my big day and all I have is a headache instead of excitement. Does anyone else have a Sisterilla?

Muffin'sMom · October 2010

I would suggest that you walk on by. Don't discuss the wedding with her and don't have any expectations for what she will contribute. Tell her what dress and where to get it. If she shows up, excellent. If not, it is her loss.

Just don't waste any more of your time and joy stressing over making someone into something that they don't want to be!

FutureLally · October 2010

It's more hurtful than anoying because my whole family is the same way. Both of my parents are just snarky about the whole thing and now my sister wants nothing to do with it. I put her as maid of honor because I thought she would be happy for me, but when I got engaged, she did not talk to me for a week because she is older than me and wanted to get married first. That is not me being bitter, those were her words.

AutumnFair · October 2010

<div>In Response to <a style="text-decoration:none;font-weight:normal;color:#1f1f1f;" href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_maid-of-honor-zilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:ea375c80-1844-4e51-9309-f248be1b0e77Post:6e73f8c4-02bb-4a0f-b4d2-946962d5c451">Maid of Honor-Zilla</a>:
[QUOTE]My sister is my maid of honor, and she is being a real pain. She does not want to help, she is always saying that she cannot afford a dress, but she refuses the help to pay for one. I am a little less than 8 months away from my big day and all I have is a headache instead of excitement. Does anyone else have a Sisterilla?
Posted by FutureLally[/QUOTE]</div><div>
</div><div>Your sister is not required to help you plan your wedding, that is your FI's job. The best thing you can do with the dress is ask her what she willingness to spend and stick with that budget range when looking for a BM dress. If she is being a negative anytime you talk wedding to her the simple thing to do is to not discuss it with her because she either isn't A. interested B. getting tired of hearing it or C. jealous. </div><div>
</div>In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_maid-of-honor-zilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:ea375c80-1844-4e51-9309-f248be1b0e77Post:0f82389a-8484-4c96-a588-8f2360a1a6d4">Re: Maid of Honor-Zilla</a>:
[QUOTE]It's more hurtful than anoying because my whole family is the same way. Both of my parents are just snarky about the whole thing and now my sister wants nothing to do with it. I put her as maid of honor because I thought she would be happy for me, but when I got engaged, she did not talk to me for a week because she is older than me and wanted to get married first. That is not me being bitter, those were her words.
Posted by FutureLally[/QUOTE]

<div>Just because you are getting married doesn't mean people are going to change to please you. Also she may be jealous but anytime you mention wedding talk I'm sure its just a nice big kick in the stomach to her so I really suggest stop all wedding talk to her. Interesting that your family is not happy about your wedding, many times family are only looking out for you and for them to be openly displeased about your wedding should be something to evaluate (unless they are being petty about something about you FI). If you want to enjoy your wedding planning I suggest expressing it with people who are excited for it. If your sister and family are not then I would stop discussing it with them.</div>

tldh · October 2010

If your fiance's name is Mark Lally, please change your screen name. Stories of people who got mad at someone on these boards and their revenge is legendary. We're talking about vendors being cancelled, flowers orders being changed, etc. That doesn't even come close to the fact that there are crazy people who look at these boards but never post anything. You never know where stalkers are going to be.

I don't mean to scare you but...

Just running the name Mark Lally through a search engine, I found two Mark Lallys who live in St. Paul suburbs - complete with home addresses and phone numbers. A little more research and I could find out which one is getting married.

Please change your screen name ASAP.

tlbattaglia · October 2010

My sister is my MOH...and she recently told my FI's friends that she doesn't think we should get married. So, I understand the drama.

SaraAndrew2010 · October 2010

My sister/MOH is similar as well. I didn't expect a lot of planning help from her because I know it's my job and FI's job to plan our wedding. But I did think that she would be a little more excited about me getting married.

Instead, she's snarky about a lot of things and was a huge PITA shopping for a MOH dress, even though I let each BM pick out their own style. (She was worried that some of the other BMs might look cuter than her). She's also gotten my other BMs annoyed at her because she declared that she would be in charge of organizing the bachelorette party but has been dragging her feet on it and ignoring the suggestions of the other BMs who are trying to help.

In the end, I've realized that it's best to keep my expectations for her low. I try not to talk too much about the wedding details to her because I can tell she doesn't really care about hearing them. It's frustrating, but she's my sister. And I just tell myself that when she gets married I'll do my best to be a better MOH.

Manwaithiel · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_maid-of-honor-zilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:ea375c80-1844-4e51-9309-f248be1b0e77Post:63ff8a87-096b-4a57-89e5-74f3474d7a43">Re: Maid of Honor-Zilla</a>:
[QUOTE]If your fiance's name is Mark Lally, please change your screen name. Stories of people who got mad at someone on these boards and their revenge is legendary. We're talking about vendors being cancelled, flowers orders being changed, etc. That doesn't even come close to the fact that there are crazy people who look at these boards but never post anything. You never know where stalkers are going to be. I don't mean to scare you but... Just running the name Mark Lally through a search engine, I found two Mark Lallys who live in St. Paul suburbs - complete with home addresses and phone numbers. A little more research and I could find out which one is getting married. Please change your screen name ASAP.
Posted by tldh[/QUOTE]

We call this a white hat hacker. You should listen to her.

lalap69 · October 2010

That doesn't sound like a MOHzilla. That just sounds like someone who isn't excited about your wedding.

It sucks, but it happens. Stop expecting anything from her and the process will become less stressful.

Let her know when she needs to buy the dress by (you did ask for her budget before picking the dresss, right? Otherwise that situation is your fault and you should go back and apologize.) and let her handle it from there.

FutureLally · October 2010

I di dask about budget and We have been talking a little here and there and I though everyhitng was fine. Its just now that its getting a little closer that it was like oh well I dont feel like it and can we do it next week. I understand it might be difficult for her, and I understand her feelings but I am so worried that things wont come out. I know I need to talk to her about it but I think I am just going to let it go until I really need to worry. No My fiances name is not lally, that is his nickname but thanks for the advise lol. My family loves mark, they just think that we are moving too fast. No one in my family has been engaged less than five years and we are getting married after a year of being engaged so to them its moving faster than expected.

lalap69 · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_maid-of-honor-zilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:ea375c80-1844-4e51-9309-f248be1b0e77Post:5b9ff694-827e-4a9e-b137-bbb53d505d55">Re: Maid of Honor-Zilla</a>:
[QUOTE]I di dask about budget and We have been talking a little here and there and I though everyhitng was fine. Its just now that its getting a little closer that it was like oh well I dont feel like it and can we do it next week. I understand it might be difficult for her, and I understand her feelings but I am so worried that things wont come out. I know I need to talk to her about it but <strong>I think I am just going to let it go until I really need to worry</strong>. No My fiances name is not lally, that is his nickname but thanks for the advise lol. My family loves mark, they just think that we are moving too fast. No one in my family has been engaged less than five years and we are getting married after a year of being engaged so to them its moving faster than expected.
Posted by FutureLally[/QUOTE]
I think that's a great idea. I hope everything works out for you. :)

SaraAndrew2010 · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_maid-of-honor-zilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:ea375c80-1844-4e51-9309-f248be1b0e77Post:da6cea6b-b96b-4246-b513-066bab205e97">Re: Maid of Honor-Zilla</a>:
[QUOTE]Why are you ordering the dresses now? Your wedding is 8 months away. Asking anyone to shell out money NOW for a dress that will just hang in their closet for more than half a year IS asking a lot. Wait until around 4 months before the wedding.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

My BMs dresses have been taking over 3 months to arrive after ordering, so I would not recommend waiting until 4 months out. 8 months is a bit early to order, but I don't think it is too early to start looking, especially if she has a difficult to please MOH.

tracyt14 · October 2010

Hi Future Lally-

So I can relate but on the opposite end. My younger sister got married before me and I pulled all the same crap that your older sister is doing to you. All I can say is this-- that if I had to do it over again, I would have done it sooooo differently. I was in a terrible spot in my life and I was SO jealous of my younger sister because she was getting married before me...so silly and stupid in retrospect.The way I acted toward my sister when I was her MOH was terrible and put a serious rift in our relationship that took us 2 years to rebuild!! Now it's my turn and thankfully, things are great again between us. She is my MOH and bless her heart, she is being fabulous- when she could have sought revenge. I wish I could sit your sister down and explain to her that she is going to regret the way she is behaving...but I can't.

Do what my sister did...seek out your other bridesmaids for help, for gushing phone convos...whatever you need to do so you can continue being excited about getting married! It sucks that your sister is doing that (it sucked that I did that!)-- but she just doesn't want to hear it...she's jealous and sometimes- with jealousy especially- it takes over any other feelings of happiness for another person. Hopefully she will do what I did and end up stepping up at the end...I did end up putting together a nice bachelorette party for her and I did give a very heartfelt speech at her wedding-- that was by no means enough! But it was all I could give for some selfish reason...

I'm sorry this is happening to you...and one day- trust me- your older sister will be sorry she did this to you. It sorta makes me sick just thinking about it... And it makes me so thankful that my younger sister was a big enough person to leave the past in the past-- and be everything I should have been for her- in my own wedding. I know she by no means deserves you to do the same when her big day comes...but it's something to keep in mind.

Good luck!

TheCranberry · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_maid-of-honor-zilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:ea375c80-1844-4e51-9309-f248be1b0e77Post:63ff8a87-096b-4a57-89e5-74f3474d7a43">Re: Maid of Honor-Zilla</a>:
[QUOTE]If your fiance's name is Mark Lally, please change your screen name. Stories of people who got mad at someone on these boards and their revenge is legendary. We're talking about vendors being cancelled, flowers orders being changed, etc.
Posted by tldh[/QUOTE]

Dang, people are crazy!! I try to keep personal info to a minimum here, but it didn't occur to me that people would do stuff like this.

Sorry to hijack.

justinsfiancee · October 2010

My dresses took a little over 4 months to get in. Some people do lie and say it takes longer, like David's Bridal. Never have I ordered a dress from there that took longer than 3 weeks to get.

seasidebride24 · October 2010

My younger sister isn't my MOH, but she is a BM along with my older sister (couldn't choose between the two), and she is definitely pulling some of the same things. I didn't see her until two weeks after the proposal and when I went to show her the ring she just said "I already saw the picture". She pretended to be excited about being in the WP, but is extremely rude to me about everything lately (not just wedding stuff). My mom was talking to me about wedding plans one night and my sister walked into the room, interrupted and threw a fit over some random issue. I had considered not having her in the WP to begin with, but then I would've had to exclude my older sister too. Instead, I have just decided to be the bigger person and not let her ruin my planning and my day. As much as I would LOVE to kick her out, I know I'd regret it later on.

Just avoid talking about wedding stuff with the people who are being negative unless they bring it up. Hold your head high and do what makes you happy, they can't bring you down unless you let them.

lilcassers · October 2010

My wedding is in june and the bridal store told us to order the BM dresses by Dec. so about 4-5 months away is when you do it.

Speechie1970 · October 2010

I read a great a book when I got engaged that was called Emotionally Engaged: A Bride's Guide the "Happiest" Time of her life. I was confused about some emotions I was having myself and it really helped me through those. There is a chapter in the book about families behaving badly and specific examples of how sisters sometimes react. The author feels that sometimes the people closest to us do not react to our upcoming nuptuals the way we want them to but there is usually a reason. I noticed traceyt14 described wat she went through with her sister in a wonderfully honest posting above. The author also says sometimes our families behave badly because there is a natural shift from your family to your new husband and they are nervous about it. I would really recommend getting that book (I chekced mine out at my public library) and considering her advice on this topic. I had a situation where my dad (we are very close) didn't reat the way I wanted him too/thought he should when we announced our engagment. The book really helped me to develop an understanding of that siutation. Good luck with everything. I know she is frustrating you but she may have some needs that are not being met right now (like knowing eventhough you are getting married she is still going ot be improtant to you). Take care!

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