Hello,
I have recently gotten engaged to my wonderful boyfriend of several years. I'm really excited about it, but there is one thing that is sort of looming over me, and the anxiety is starting to be difficult to deal with. It's about whether I should change my name.
Here's the lowdown- my fiance has a nice, short last name and I have nothing specific against his name. For the longest time, I was excited about getting his name because I have a very long, hyphenated name and I always saw it as something of a burden. My name always ran off the page, debit card, diploma, you name it. People can't pronounce it, they comment on its length, and it somehow always leads to this indepth discussion of my family dynamics that I get tired of having.
The women of my family do not take their husbands' names, but to get around that a bit my dad agreed to take my mother's last name hyphenated so we would all have the same last name in our little nuclear family. I don't know my father's family at all and never cared for his name that much so most of the time I lob his name off and I have a relatively acceptibly-lengthed name. But, the more I really think about it, the more I don't want to give up my mother's name, as I am very close to my family on her side and I hate the convention that women are expected to give up their names and identities when they marry.
On the flip side, I want to have the same last name as my husband because I don't want my children to have to worry about this the same way I have, and I don't want to give them hyphenated names. I should also mention that we live in a rural Alaskan town and his family is very well-established and respected. It put it another way, having his name would carry weight in a way that it might be difficult to understand for someone who lives outside of the bush.
To make matters worse, my father expressed disappointment when I broached legally changing my name to just mom's name. He seemed maligned by the decision, which isn't what I want because I have a great relationship with my dad, just not his family.
My fiance is dumbfounded by and mostly unaware of the level of my inner turmoil. He insists he does not care what name I choose, won't be hurt if I don't take his, but stops short of agreeing to take mine or form some kind of mutant hybrid.
I know nobody can tell me what to do and it's a decision I have to come to myself. I also know that I'm stressing about this way to much. I was hoping you ladies could give me some examples of what you are doing last-name wise and why. At this rate I am going to come out of the wedding named Sarah Althea Brotherton-Manna-Guthrie or worse, go nuts and run screaming into the night.
HELP