August 2012 Weddings

FI taking it pretty hard

My FI and I don't live near our family.  he has been gone for 7 years from home, but really didn't live there before that because of grad school and college.  His family is quite "unique" and none of them really get along.  He  thought and hoped that our wedding would still bring his family together and they would partake in it.  But they aren't.  His cousins won't even RSVP or return a message to see if they are coming.  His own Godmother had "previous plans" which he took pretty hard considering we sent save the dates out in November.  It isn't like he doens't have any family coming but he is taking it VERY personally when people decline or don't RSVP.  I feel horrible because my family is VERY close and really been involved so much which is fantastic because although I have been gone from home for 6 years we talk daily.  I guess I just don't know what to say to my FI to make him feel better.  I told him that he is part of my family and not to worry about those of his who don't come, I have told him that we don't want to be surrounded by negativity on our wedding day and if someone doesn't want to be there then fine...but any advice?  Any other guys out there taking it harder than you expected?
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Re: FI taking it pretty hard

  • id012id012 member
    100 Comments Second Anniversary
    I feel like weddings really bring the worst out of people. I'm sure its really hard for him, but hopefully all of those feelings will melt away on the wedding day! I don't really have any other advice.

    Try not to do the," but you have my family"  thing. I know it's hard not to say that but that can just make it burn even more, because your family cares more then his does. 
    Totally not the same thing but when my nana died, my FI's grandmother wrote on my facebook wall something like, you still have me as a grandmother. I know she wasnt trying to be mean at all and she probably didn't realize how that would make me feel. But i just felt like screaming "I dont want you i want my own damn grandmother back!"

  • Poor guy :( probably about 80% of our wedding is MY family - FI's family isn't quite as big or close as mine. Just let him know how loved he is and that you're there for him to talk to and vent to. And just explain that while his family might not be there, he's gaining a much larger and closer one that'll love him like their own <3
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • I understand how hopeless it makes you feel... my FI's family has been great but a lot of his friends/coworkers declined.  He knew going in they couldn't all make it (his part time job is seasonal, and a lot of them depend on that money), but we went ahead and scheduled a summer wedding anyway.  When we starting getting declines from them, he still was visibly upset...  I didn't know what to do for him, but tried to focus on who WAS able to make it (friends from out of town).
  • Aw, it does make things hard when family acts that way. FI's family is HUGE so the majority of our guests are from his side. I think I have about 20 family members that I invited and I have one rsvp yes. ONE! The only other person is my dad.

    I just consider myself lucky that FI's family has been so welcoming. They are my new family so I am just going to focus on all the good they will bring to the wedding day. :)

    image 223 Invited
    image 127 Wouldn't miss it
    image 64 Passed on the fun
    image 32 Still undecided
    RSVP Date: August 1, 2012 Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • I have a pretty small family, so most of our guests will be his family.  A couple of his aunts and uncles won't be making the trip and he was a bit bummed about that, but that disappointment seemed to subside pretty quickly.  He got a few unexpected yeses from far away friends and he's really looking forward to them coming. 
    My dad is taking some of the declines personally.  One of his sisters is going to an out of country wedding the day after mine and told their other sister that she knew about that one first.  I understand, but my dad got quite offended, saying something like there's no way the other couple got engaged first (we picked our date almost immediately).  Two of my first cousins from his side of the family (out of 4) also declined and he sounded disappointed by that.  On my mom's side I'm 100% for cousins attending...1 out of 1! 
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