Jealous Man-enemy is homework

KKurkosky · December 2011

My fiance and I have been engaged for about a year and a half and when he asked me to marry him he knew it would be more than just the "typical bride". I am a full time student as well as full time mommy. He HATES when I do any homework and he throws it in my face and uses it as a reason to cancle the wedding. Any advice on how to diffuse this fight because it's really disheartening and I almost want to quit school to avoid the fights. HELP!

BunnyChii · December 2011

Don't marry a man who is against you furthuring your education.

vikingmom806 · December 2011

I agree with BunnyChii...it's so awesome that you're continuing your studying, and being a good mom at the same time. Don't let someone try and change those positive steps you're taking. It could lead to something much more serious in the future. What will he do when you're trying to work to provide for your family?

ArynBaker · December 2011

Ditto PPs. You deserve someone who will support you through your hard work, not get mad at you for it.

[Deleted User] · December 2011

I think this is a more serious issue than you're giving it credit for being. It is very manipulative and controlling of your FI to throw cancelling the wedding in your face.

Sit down with him and have a serious discussion about the fact that you have to do your homework now, and in your married life there are going to be things that you have to do, like work or study, etc. He needs to know that it's not okay to try to manipulate you, and that while you are strong and independent and do your own thing, you still love him and have time for him.

If that doesn't change his behavior, you have some serious thinking to do. Do you want to spend the rest of your life being controlled by someone?

Please don't quit school, that's the least desirable option.

indigopsyche · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_jealous-man-enemy-homework?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:684Discussion:b02a418f-ff10-4126-aebf-2de62593c9f8Post:bfd0ba27-32a1-498c-96f2-86c57d2b7fec">Re: Jealous Man-enemy is homework</a>:
[QUOTE]Don't marry a man who is against you furthering your education.
Posted by BunnyChii[/QUOTE]

<div>This^</div><div>
</div><div>Someone who loves you will want you to succeed in your goals. Something my mom always told me is that a degree will outlast any man. Although it seems like a ton of work, that little piece of paper can help your life in so many ways.</div>

tldh · December 2011

Kick him to the curb and don't look back. Any man with half the sense God gave a jackass would be supporting you instead of trying to hold you back.

callalily13 · December 2011

How often does he do this? My fiance gets mad sometimes when I have spent the entire day working on homework. There are days that I have spent like an entire weekend working on something and spending absolutely no time with him. He gets mad at me then because I have not spent time with him and when I told him I didnt want to have to do it, then he'll snidely say "well you chose to keep going to school." Is that what he does or is it more vindictive?

jgonder · December 2011

if he is jealous bc you dont have time for him, bc your focus is on the kids and on hw, it might be an old issue for him. Like he felt abandoned by his parents? however, if it is him just trying to hold you back and keep you under his thumb then you need to truly re-think this marriage.
Its hard to hear I know this. People can change, get him to truly listen and speak to you about why he is threatening you about walking away and cancelling things.
I've been there- it gets better I promise.
Be honest with him and yourself. Dont get married just because.

kellyt89 · December 2011

If he didn't want to date/get engaged to someone with a child and who is going to school full time, he didn't have to propose.

Next time he says he'll cancel the wedding, call his bluff. You're working to provide a better life for you and your child and that's not something it's okay for him to get "jealous" about.

DO NOT quit school for this guy.

shachuks12 · January 2012

I have to say I agree with those above. My fiance is 8 years older than me and has long been out of school, while I'm in my last year of college and planning to take the CPA this summer

.

When I need to study, he accepts that, encourages me, and instead uses the time to work on learning new software for his job (basically meaning he has enough other stuff going on in his life besides me that he uses his time wisely and doesn't miss being with me to the point that he feels jealous).

This is obviously (and rightly so) a big concern for you so if you're sure that this is the man you want to marry, I suggest you sit him down and discuss how and why his behavior concerns you. Men don't always approach situations with the same maturity and thought process as women so addressing the issues with him (i.e. why you're doing what you're doing and how it will benefit your family in the future, why you need and expect his support, and why you think that the behavior he's exhibiting could be a problem in the future) and how they could be resolved (how he could use the time you're studying to learn a new skill, take your child out for some bonding time so that you can study in peace, or something else constructive) could give him the opportunity to change his behavior in a positive way.

If he's the good man you believe him to be, he'll realize the need to change, want to support you, and hopefully use the time to better himself in some way or maybe help you study. Otherwise, you might have a very tough decision to make. HTH

shachuks12 · January 2012

Oh...and don't quit school. Not for a man. Ever. I know TOOOOO many women that did this and are bitter with regret. Stay strong!

KKurkosky · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_jealous-man-enemy-homework?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:684Discussion:b02a418f-ff10-4126-aebf-2de62593c9f8Post:801fe916-c9f6-4baf-aa7f-26a3b2c093bb">Re: Jealous Man-enemy is homework</a>:
[QUOTE]How often does he do this? My fiance gets mad sometimes when I have spent the entire day working on homework. There are days that I have spent like an entire weekend working on something and spending absolutely no time with him. He gets mad at me then because I have not spent time with him and when I told him I didnt want to have to do it, then he'll snidely say "well you chose to keep going to school." Is that what he does or is it more vindictive?
Posted by callalily13[/QUOTE]

It's more like what your fiance does, however he is very hot tempered and can be very mean when he is frustrated without meaning to.

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