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What to do with MOH?

LincolnElizabethHLincolnElizabethH member
5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment First Anniversary
in Chit Chat

My best friend of 7 years is my MOH. She has always been a high-strung person and I've never had an issue with that but in the last year she has had melt down after melt down after melt down. She hasn't worked one full week in the last year. She constantly goes to the doctor, gets notes, and her benefits company keeps paying her and she just sits at home. I have tried helping her in any way I can. She has been constantly ditching me for the last month now, which is just not her. She will make plans to go to a movie with me, then texts me last minute to say she is sad or having a bad day and won't leave the house. I have asked her if she is ok being the MOH and if she thinks it would be too much stress for her. She says she will be ok next year. I don't care if she doesn't plan a bridal shower or bachelorette party. I don't need to have those things. My worry is that on my wedding day she will not be there. I am truly heartbroken and do not know what to do. I would never replace her even if she ends up not being in the wedding. I just am lost... Any advice on how to handle this situation?

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Re: What to do with MOH?

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    StephBeanWed61502StephBeanWed61502 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    It sounds like you're doing (mostly) the right stuff here - continuing to reach out to her, asking what you can do to help, trying to be understanding when she cancels on you, etc.  The only slight change I'd make is to stop talking wedding with her entirely for awhile.  You may think you are being kind by saying "you know you don't have to do this if you don't feel up to it," but she may be hearing "I think you're incompetent and not cut out to be MOH," especially if she's depressed (which it sounds like she is).  Dial the wedding talk down to zero and just be there for her as best you can.  You can't force her to "get better" on the timeline that's convenient for you, this is something she has to sort through on her own.
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    jennylee813jennylee813 member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Agree with PPs.

    If your friend is depressed (and it sounds like it), she's going to need some time. If she ends up taking medication, she will need to adjust and get her meds regulated before she feels like herself again.

    One of my closest cousins has been battling this for most of her life and her parents hid it from us for years. Now that it's in the open, I'm always there for her to call when she's having a bad day. We don't talk about me, we focus on her and what she needs. Usually it's someone to listen and sympathize. When she gets herself back on track, she feels better about talking to me about what's going on in my world.

    It takes time.

    I'm planning on asking this cousin to be my MOH because I love and support her and can't imagine having anyone else in that spot. If your friend decides when the time comes that she can't do it, accept it and reassure her that it won't affect your friendship. (You do get to be sad about it briefly, but then move on)

    You are a bride for one day, a friend for a lifetime.
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