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Long distance bridal shower

robinrdanielsrobinrdaniels
in Pre-wedding Parties
We are hosting a shower in WI for my brother's fiance and they live in AZ.  We are trying to come up with appropriate wording for the shower invitations so that people do not purchase a bunch of large gifts that they have to travel back with.  We explained the options for the two registered stores (see below) trying to nudge people in the right direction.
 
(Crate & Barrel: gift cards, shop online, or order directly from the Scottsdale, AZ store (pay no shipping fees) 480-945-1500
Target:  gift cards or shop and ship online) --> rough draft here

How do we do this in a cute and appropriate way...? Any ideas?  Thanks!
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Re: Long distance bridal shower

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    trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_long-distance-bridal-shower-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:d641b2ce-9db5-46ae-be07-e7021f13f90bPost:aa055e36-ed3a-4093-8bc3-316f863ad278">Long distance bridal shower</a>:
    [QUOTE]We are hosting a shower in WI for my brother's fiance and they live in AZ.  We are trying to come up with appropriate wording for the shower invitations so that people do not purchase a bunch of large gifts that they have to travel back with.  We explained the options for the two registered stores (see below) trying to nudge people in the right direction.   (Crate & Barrel: gift cards, shop online, or order directly from the Scottsdale, AZ store (pay no shipping fees) 480-945-1500 Target:  gift cards or shop and ship online) -- /> rough draft here How do we do this in a cute and appropriate way...? Any ideas?  Thanks!
    Posted by 7780033630080950[/QUOTE]

    Short answer:  you don't.

    The point of a shower is to "shower" the bride with gifts.  Telling people to buy her gc's is akin to asking for money, which is very poor form.  And I'm not sure if the gifts are shipped directly to her, what she'd be opening at the shower.

    If the bride accepts the shower, then she also accepts the responsibility of transporting those gifts to her home, including the costs associated with getting them there.

    Sorry.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    If you are inviting the bride and grooms nearest and dearest family and friends, they are probably aware of the situation. Hopefully, they will choose their gifts accordingly (small and lightweight). Be prepared for the guests who will assume that you or the bride have a plan for shipping those gifts.

    At one shower that I attended, the bms gave the bride the gift of shipping her gifts across country for her. Would you and the other hosts of the shower be willing to do that?
                       
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    mandi921vhmandi921vh member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_long-distance-bridal-shower-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:d641b2ce-9db5-46ae-be07-e7021f13f90bPost:44eb1701-2840-4544-8733-295c5f9502c3">Re: Long distance bridal shower</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Long distance bridal shower : Short answer:  you don't. The point of a shower is to "shower" the bride with gifts.  Telling people to buy her gc's is akin to asking for money, which is very poor form.  And I'm not sure if the gifts are shipped directly to her, what she'd be opening at the shower<strong>. If the bride accepts the shower, then she also accepts the responsibility of transporting those gifts to her home, including the costs associated with getting them there. Sorry.</strong>
    Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]

    <div>This.</div>
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    ADTonkADTonk
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Like PP's said - don't do it.  It's distasteful and rude.  Just list their registries.  If they are concerned about shipping, they will buy something smaller or a GC.  If not, it's the bride's responsibility to get the gifts home.
    LilySlim Weight loss tickers
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    yoko2011yoko2011 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    I would have the bride bring a huge suitcase or even get a huge box that she can check going home - even the 25 fee maybe cheaper than shipping. If you or family or driving to the wedding perhaps take some gifts then. Otherwise, you can ship. Or hold them until next visit, etc. GL

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    mcskatcatmcskatcat member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I had a shower thrown for me that was long-distance.  I flew Southwest and they give you two free checked bags.  I was able to haul everything home that was not breakable.  Later, I was able to bring everything else home after I'd been down for the holidays.  It's not that hard to get all the gifts home. 

    I would also second the idea of having BMs pitch in to pay for the shipping - of course I say this assuming that this party is thrown by the bridal party.  Since you're family, I would say to have 2-3 of you offer that as your present rather than ask the bridesmaids, because I think that might be inappropriate to dictate what they gift the bride in this particular situation. 
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    LizM5LizM5
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I know a lot of people are telling you this is rude, and maybe it is, but I'm basically dealing with the same thing and I'll just tell you what we're doing. 

    I live out west but grew up on the east coast. That's where the wedding is, and that's where my Mom really wanted to throw me a shower. People writing about the bride "accepting" the shower might not grasp that sometimes a shower is foisted upon you, despite your level headed objections due to logistical reasons such as this. I'm my Mom's only daughter, she wants to throw me a shower. I live 3,000 miles away. Sue us.

    Anyway, my Mom wrote this little poem which basically asked that if you're buying online (as I think most people do now anyway) just ship it out to me instead of their own house. If would prefer to bring their gift to the shower, that is great. And we noted that gift cards are OK (though we didn't specifically ask for them).

    Does this break some etiquette rules? Probably. Were etiquette rules written in a very different era, when showers weren't held states away from where the bride lived? Yes. Your shower guests are (presumably) people who love you and will want to accommodate you, not bitch behind your back that you made them pay for shipping.

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    kmmssgkmmssg mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    My DD came home to MI from Salt Lake City for her shower.  This was a discussion we had early on.  If she accepted the shower, she accepted the responsibility of getting gifts back to SLC.  She felt the same.

    This has nothing to do with etiquette that was written awhile back - it is good manners.
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    LizM5LizM5
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Maybe you're right. I just think most people will be understanding. 

    With these situations, I usually just try to put myself in the position of the guests, and I would personally have no problem with being asked, if I'm ordering online anyway, to ship it to the bride.



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    kmmssgkmmssg mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    I really did think a chunk of the family would ship their gifts, but the only one who did was me!  I bought them the microwave they wanted and shipped it via bed bath & beyond.  Everyone else brought their gifts. 
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    limbackklimbackk member
    First Comment
    LizM5, I'm wondering if you'd be willing to share the "cute poem" composed by your mom for this occassion?

    Thanks!
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