Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum

Friday wedding freakout!

So my future in laws are freaking out that my fiance and I have chosen a friday wedding. They were okay with a fall wedding, in catholic church, the works, but at the last minute we realized everything we wanted was booked; unless we chose a friday, and then we could have it all! We didn't bother 'asking' them, we just did it. It think maybe they're hurt that we didn't ask their opinions first, but now they won't calm down about the fact that some people will need to take the day off from work, and find babysitters, etc...We see it as another way to also shrink our numbers a little, but didn't want to say that to them. And they don't seem to listen to the fact that my entire family will have the same issues (yet are remaining calm). Any suggestions on how to get them to relax? They are very traditional and European, and have never heard of such a thing. We've tried to explain we can't have EVERYONE, and this is what WE want, and it's CHEAPER, but they refuse to be happy about this. Any ideas would be very welcome!!

In the mean time, we're keeping our cool as best as we can.

Re: Friday wedding freakout!

  • skippylouwhoskippylouwho member
    First Comment
    edited October 2010
    Stop talking to them about it. 

    The decision is made, if they bring it up either change the subject, leave the room/area where they are or tell them that you appreciate their concerns but the two of you made the decision that was best for you and then again - change the subject  or find a tactful way to leave "I have to be xx in 15 minutes, I have to meet Mary for lunch, etc".


    They can't talk to you about something that you refused to talk about so don't participate in the conversations.
  • It seems like you've already explained things as best you can, I would just keep reiterating your reasons for a Friday wedding. I am glad that you realize a lot of people will not be able to attend, I personally would not go to a Friday wedding unless it was close family. Not everyone is going to agree with your choices and you'll have to know when to compromise and when to stick to your guns if it's something that is important to you, good luck.
  • edited October 2010
    Are your FI's parents contributing financially to the wedding?  In that case, they definitely should have been consulted before make a major decision like that.

    If they aren't contributing, I agree with PP.  Just keep saying, "We appreciate your concerns, but this is the decision we made" and change the subject.  I've found that debating the merits of every decision with my FILs is incredibly frustrating and non-productive, so I've stopped getting dragged into conversations about them.
  • There are things you can do to make a Friday wedding more accomodating for your guests. Be sure the hotel allows them to check in early if they are coming from out of town. Arrange for childcare. Arrange for transportation from hotel to ceremony/reception. Make the ceremony start at 6:30pm or later. Offer a snack before the ceremony (I was once offered cupcakes in the foyer of the church for an evening wedding and was eternally grateful and impressed). I understand that these things cost money, but just by providing little extras you'll make it clear to your guests that you appreciate them going out of their way for your special day.
  • We had a Friday wedding and had no problems.  Our ceremony started at 3:00, and cocktail hour at 6.  OP- I'm from Western NY originally, and for us gaps between the 2 are the norm.  I'm not sure if its the same for you. 

    We originally had to deal with some of the same concerns, but our reasoning was that the people who really want to be there will take the day off to be there.  We had no problem if people skipped the ceremony, and I've never been to a wedding where every single guest was at the ceremony anyways.  We invited 275 to our wedding and had 195 total.  For people who lived in the area, they either took a half day of work, the full day off, or skipped the ceremony.  Anyone coming from OOT probably would have needed to take the day off anyways so it wasn't an issue.  Generally, if you're someone I'm willing to travel for, you're someone I'm wiling to take a sick day for. 

    I think the biggest perk of a Friday wedding, besides a discount, is that you have 2 days after to recover and relax.  We talked to so many of our guests the day after our wedding and they all said how much they loved not having to work the next day, and that they still had a full weekend ahead of them. 
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