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Father/StepFather Walking Down the Aisle

LaceyS25LaceyS25
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in Wedding Etiquette Forum

I would like some suggestions as what other ladies are doing for their walk down the aisle. My father is alive and well...we get along fine but don't have a close relationship. When I told him about the wedding he naturally assumed that he would be walking me down the aisle. For one I hate the whole "giving away" thing, because no one is essentially giving me away and two my stepdad and I are alot closer than my real dad and I so I would like him to be part of the ceremony.  Would it be wierd to have them both walk me? Or should I get them to escort me to a point and then walk down by myself? I don't want to hurt any feelings but it is my wedding day...so how should I approach the situation?

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Re: Father/StepFather Walking Down the Aisle

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    dumdumfroggiedumdumfroggie
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    You can really do whatever you want.  

    1.  Have both escort you.
    2.  Have one or the other escort you.
    3.  Escort yourself down the aisle.  It's not necessary to have anyone else do so.
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    aragx6aragx6 member
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    I'll add one additional option, assuming you're close to her:

    4. Have your mom walk you down.
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    dawnie204dawnie204
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    I heard of someone having their biological father walk them half way down, then the step father was there to take her the rest of the way and hand her off to the groom.  You could do it the other way around too.
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    tpender13tpender13 member
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    If I were you, I would just walk myself.
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    Kate61487Kate61487 member
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    If your dad hadn't assumed anything what would you have wanted to do?

    I'm also curious what you think his reaction would be if you tell him you don't want him to escort you or that you want him to share it.  Would he be totally crushed? or really understanding since you're not close?  I'd imagine if you boot him walking by yourself would hurt him least, your mom second, and replacing him with your step dad would probably sting the most.

    You could always have your dad escort you as he's assumed he's doing and then do the father/daughter dance with step dad

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    LDubHawksFanLDubHawksFan member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    I had a friend do the walk half way with her dad, then the remaining half with her step dad.  Do what makes you comfortable.

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    LaceyS25LaceyS25
    First Comment

    Thanks for all the great advice ladies!
    @Kate....If your dad hadn't assumed anything what would you have wanted to do?
    I would say probably say walk by myself or with my FH.

    I'm also curious what you think his reaction would be if you tell him you don't want him to escort you or that you want him to share it.  Would he be totally crushed? or really understanding since you're not close? 
    I think he would be hurt. We used to be close when I was younger, but after my parents divorced when I was a teenager they both remarried. He kinda stays to himself with his wife and all her kids so we don't talk much. I rhink he realizes that I am close to my mom and have formed a good relationship with my stepdad so having either one of them walk me alone would be almost as bad as not inviting him at all.


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    Kate61487Kate61487 member
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    given your response I'd say definitely walk by yourself.  You can soften the blow by telling him it's nothing to do with him but you don't believe in being 'given away' etc.  I'm sure this will hurt a lot less than if you didn't want him to walk you but did want someone else.  good luck!

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    natemxsgirlnatemxsgirl member
    5 Love Its First Comment First Anniversary
    I have the same problem only I'm very close with both my father and my step-father. Neither one likes the other but are civil and I would go even as far as to say friendly in public. I didn't want to choose between one or the other or put them in an uncomfortable situation as to have both walk me. My solution: I'm going to do an intimate ceremony with only 50 of the 300 reception guests so I will be walking by myself without looking like I couldn't choose to those who know the whole story. (This is also catering to my finace's wishes of a small wedding without the overbearing task of cutting the guest list for the reception "win-win") However to include them in the wedding I'm putting both of them on the invitations and I'm having two father-daughter dances, with my biological father's dance first.

    I hope you figure it out. Hang in there. It's your day, do what feels right for you.
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    SVPWSVPW
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    I am in exactly the same situation as you. I am having my father walk me half way down the aisle and my step dad walk me the other half and give me away. This feels like the right thing for me. My father knows he has not been there for me over the years and he has only met my fiance once in the six years that we have been together. My step-dad on the other hand has raised me since I was three and has been there through every up and down in my life.

    I will also be having a father/daughter dance with both my father and step-dad.


    Good luck with your decision!
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    ardenakernsardenakerns
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    I am in this EXACT situation. i honestly have no idea what I am going to do. Honestly, I think that I am going to have them walk me half way down the isle the walk by myself the second half and maybe not even have the father daughter dance. i like the idea of the dance, but I dont want to deal with it. I love my dad and my step dad, but they hate each other. My mom didn't even want me to invite him. So the hostility is there and I dont know what to do. Im thinking about just walking down the isle by myself and not having the father daughter dance so that they do not have to fight over ANYTHING!
    Best of luck to you!!
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    futuremrscruickshanksfuturemrscruickshanks member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fatherstepfather-walking-down-the-aisle?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7ca9dcba-8b58-4e2c-bd14-8e8d91d4cdb1Post:ee894929-ae5d-4caf-998b-c6f869042783">Re: Father/StepFather Walking Down the Aisle</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am in this EXACT situation. i honestly have no idea what I am going to do. Honestly, I think that I am going to have them walk me half way down the isle the walk by myself the second half and maybe not even have the father daughter dance. i like the idea of the dance, but I dont want to deal with it. I love my dad and my step dad, but they hate each other. My mom didn't even want me to invite him. So the hostility is there and I dont know what to do. Im thinking about just walking down the isle by myself and not having the father daughter dance so that they do not have to fight over ANYTHING! Best of luck to you!!
    Posted by ardenakerns[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>I think this exactly what I am doing because both my parents have remarried (in my father's case 2 additional times) and absolutely loathe one another! You would think that they would set this aside because its my big day but NO! So I will not choose at all. No one is walking me down the aisle and neither of them are getting a dance. I hate to do this but I have no other option since they can't put their hatred of each aside for me for a few hours. But, its their loss.

    </div>
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    amykostamykost member
    First Comment
    I asked both my dad and my step dad to do it. Initially I was going to have my step dad walk me the first half, and my real dad the second half, however this offended my mom that my dad was the one giving me away. I understand, he hasn't been around around much in the last 6 years. Anyways I told my real dad that I wanted him and my step dad to walk together all the way to my fiance. He seemed really offended and hurt by this. What do I do? My step dad hasn't been around my whole life but I am much closer with him and don't feel right taking this away from him. 
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    Teddy917Teddy917 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    @knot porscha zombie thread
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