No Alcohol...?

kaushaun · September 2011

My fiance and I decided not to have alcohol at our wedding, even though it is going to be pretty informal relaxed. We decided on this in part because neither of us drink and in part because at my mom and step-dad's wedding one of my aunts got drunk and dared a cousin to eat the flowers off the wedding cake (before any pictures were even taken). I was worried that by having alcohol at the our wedding something like that might happen again. I'm not sure if this is something that I should let everyone know. Especially when my side of the family expects alcohol at any family event. Or are we just over-reacting?

ehall86 · September 2011

I wouldn't say that you are overreacting. We are not having alcohol at our wedding partly for monetary reasons (it is friggin expensive!!!) and partly because I am very worried about what FI family would/will do if alcohol is involved. I have observed on several occasions when his family drinks that it very often turns into bickering that turns into fighting and on occasion all out screaming matches. There is alot of tension in his family due to other circumstances and the alcohol does not help at all.
I can totally understand your not wanting something to happen because people don't know how to act or when to say enough. It had almost gotten to the point I was starting to have anxiety issues stressing about what might happen.
Don't let your family try to guilt you into having alcohol if you don't want it. It will cause you unneccesary stress and that is not something you need. If they approach you simply say that you and your FI had decided for whatever reason that you have planned YOUR wedding how you both wanted it.

Allycat11 · September 2011

I think you are over-reacting. I really can not stand it when people do not want to serve alcohol and then justify it by saying "People drink too much and don't know how to behave properly". I love going out and drinking however, I have never gotten out of hand at a wedding. This is true for all of my family and friends as well.

Most people know to act like adults at weddings, so I think it is unneccessary to have a dry wedding because something may happen. If you know 1 or 2 family members that have a history of mis-behaving, try to ask 1 or 2 other members of your family to keep an eye on them throughout the night.

If you still insist on a dry wedding, that is your choice. I would not post it anywhere though. If it comes up in conversation, it may not be a bad thing to mention. Coming from a family that always provides a full open bar at receptions, I would be incredibly disappointed to arrive at a dry or cash bar wedding.

goobersinlove · September 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_food-cakes_alcohol-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:23Discussion:18a979d0-01a2-4038-bfe4-d4f25a9a2688Post:2c25f773-7a9e-4b81-9f2c-4e3ddbfe1a72">Re: No Alcohol...?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think you are over-reacting. I really can not stand it when people do not want to serve alcohol and then justify it by saying "People drink too much and don't know how to behave properly". I love going out and drinking however, I have never gotten out of hand at a wedding. This is true for all of my family and friends as well. <strong>Most people know to act like adults at weddings, so I think it is unneccessary to have a dry wedding because something <em><u>may</u></em> happen. If you know 1 or 2 family members that have a history of mis-behaving, try to ask 1 or 2 other members of your family to keep an eye on them throughout the night.</strong> If you still insist on a dry wedding, that is your choice. I would not post it anywhere though. If it comes up in conversation, it may not be a bad thing to mention. Coming from a family that always provides a full open bar at receptions, I would be incredibly disappointed to arrive at a dry or cash bar wedding.
Posted by Allycat11[/QUOTE]

I agree with this in its entirety.

I don't drink <em>at all</em> either, but I don't want to deprive my guests of what is normally expected at this type of function. And just because you are worried about one or two people doesn't mean that the rest of the crowd should go without.

Ditto that people should know how to freakin' behave at a wedding and not drink themselves stupid. But if you anticipate one or two family members to not act right, alert your day-of-coordinator, bar tender(s), and a few other people in your family... "Don't be afraid to cut off Aunt Nelly, and don't let her eat the flowers off of my cake."

If you do decide to go dry, that is your choice. But don't expect your reception to last as long as it normally would. People will get board and leave early.

ElisabethJoanne · September 2011

You don't need to have alcohol, just like you don't need to have dancing, or a full meal, and you don't need to tell people ahead of time. I can see indicating what amount of food will be served (just cake, appetizers, full meal), because frequent food is necessary for health and people may need to plan their meals accordingly. But no one healthy needs a certain amount of alcohol at a certain time.

All that said, if you go too far outside the norms of your circle, you'll get flack back. My college friends wouldn't like it if we skipped dancing, but that's their issue, not mine. Do what works for you.

pattyb105 · September 2011

My family is used to weddings with large dinners and alcohol, no matter the time of day. My fiance and I don't have the funds to do both. So we cut alcohol completely out and are serving a small finger food type.

There is nothing wrong with no alcohol. I understand your anxiety about those certain family members. My finace and I discussed the have/not have alcohol question and decided the day was about us getting married and making a commitment...NOT the big party afterwards.

ashleyvanderhoof · September 2011

First of all, regardless of your reason, if you choose not to have alcohol, that is your choice. The people you love SHOULD respect that. Secondly, my family can sit down and have a drink or two and let the good times roll. FI's family however cannot. And that is part of the reason I will not be serving any type of alcohol. It isn' that they are bad people, they just like to party when they drink and my reception is not the place for a kegger. I totally understand where you are coming from. I also agree with Patty's comment above. The day isn't about how big of a party you can throw. Its about you and yours making a lifelong commitment to each other. How this eases your mind, hon.

SD3194 · September 2011

It's your choice whether to have alcohol or not. However, I think that if you are having a reception after dinner time on a Friday or Saturday night then there needs to be alcohol. IMO, I think it's rude to not serve alcohol because you don't think your guests are adult enough to handle it.

If you do have a dry wedding just be prepared for people to leave early and not to have much dancing. It's just the nature of the beast.

Summer2011Bride · September 2011

Dry receptions are fine. Are you overreacting because of one incident? Yes, I think so. Just because one person at one particular wedding did something ludicrous doesn't mean that will happen at yours. The vast majority of adults know how to act like adults, and frankly, having a dry wedding doesn't stop someone who wants to get drunk from sneaking in their own flask (this has happened at two weddings I've attended--and one of them was not even dry!) If you and FI want to have alcohol and can afford it, then go for it. Don't worry about what *might* happen.

If you do go dry, I don't think you need to say anything unless someone specifically asks. Just know that it's possible without alcohol the party may wrap up sooner than if you had it.

SuMmErKuTiE · September 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_food-cakes_alcohol-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:23Discussion:18a979d0-01a2-4038-bfe4-d4f25a9a2688Post:2c25f773-7a9e-4b81-9f2c-4e3ddbfe1a72">Re: No Alcohol...?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think you are over-reacting. I really can not stand it when people do not want to serve alcohol and then justify it by saying "People drink too much and don't know how to behave properly". I love going out and drinking however, I have never gotten out of hand at a wedding. This is true for all of my family and friends as well. Most people know to act like adults at weddings, so I think it is unneccessary to have a dry wedding because something may happen. If you know 1 or 2 family members that have a history of mis-behaving, try to ask 1 or 2 other members of your family to keep an eye on them throughout the night. If you still insist on a dry wedding, that is your choice. I would not post it anywhere though. If it comes up in conversation, it may not be a bad thing to mention. Coming from a family that always provides a full open bar at receptions, I would be incredibly disappointed to arrive at a dry or cash bar wedding.
Posted by Allycat11[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Ditto this whole post 100% Couldn't have said it better myself :0)

</div>

duvaldollar · September 2011

I dont think your over reacting at all. Its YOUR WEDDING!

TwoByTwilight · September 2011

I don't think you should withhold alcohol because of one incident. You are basically saying your guests are children and can't be trusted.

But it's totally your wedding so what you will.

Matty143 · September 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_food-cakes_alcohol-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:23Discussion:18a979d0-01a2-4038-bfe4-d4f25a9a2688Post:2c25f773-7a9e-4b81-9f2c-4e3ddbfe1a72">Re: No Alcohol...?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think you are over-reacting. I really can not stand it when people do not want to serve alcohol and then justify it by saying "People drink too much and don't know how to behave properly". I love going out and drinking however, I have never gotten out of hand at a wedding. This is true for all of my family and friends as well. Most people know to act like adults at weddings, so I think it is unneccessary to have a dry wedding because something may happen. If you know 1 or 2 family members that have a history of mis-behaving, try to ask 1 or 2 other members of your family to keep an eye on them throughout the night. If you still insist on a dry wedding, that is your choice. I would not post it anywhere though. If it comes up in conversation, it may not be a bad thing to mention. Coming from a family that always provides a full open bar at receptions, I would be incredibly disappointed to arrive at a dry or cash bar wedding.
Posted by Allycat11[/QUOTE]

Ditto this 100%.
If you can not afford to host, that is one thing, but the "I'm worried about people behaving" doesn't sit well.

Blueyeddramatix · September 2011

All I have to say is.. maybe consider a half bar... a beer wine bar... Beer and wine take a lot longer than hard liquor to make anyone act a fool... This will give you plenty of time to cut cake, and first dance your butt off... and giving people something to toast with, and help you save a little money on booze... wine and beer are especially cheaper if you buy wine in bulk like a case runs about 88 bucks... so you figure a keg or half keg, about 100, 1 case red wine one case white... 160, and possibly a few champagne bottles... all that alcohol for less than 300 bucks. It seems worth it to me to keep guests happy.. and by the time you give them some finger food... help the booze settle in a little... it all kind of works out... they will be happy and you can rest easy silly aunt sally isnt gonna dare soemone to ruin anything!!... just my opinion.

jess9802 · September 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_food-cakes_alcohol-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:23Discussion:18a979d0-01a2-4038-bfe4-d4f25a9a2688Post:3f79c215-3b80-45fa-93e0-d3dde4550bd7">No Alcohol...?</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance and I decided not to have alcohol at our wedding, even though it is going to be pretty informal relaxed. We decided on this in part because neither of us drink and in part <strong>because at my mom and step-dad's wedding one of my aunts got drunk and dared a cousin to eat the flowers off the wedding cake</strong> (before any pictures were even taken). I was worried that by having alcohol at the our wedding something like that might happen again. I'm not sure if this is something that I should let everyone know. Especially when my side of the family expects alcohol at any family event. Or are we just over-reacting?
Posted by kaushaun[/QUOTE]

Seriously? This is your drunk relative horror story?

soozy87 · September 2011

We didn't have alcohol at our reception either. A personal choice for us. I know a lot of family on both sides made comments about this, but it was our wedding, not thiers, so they dealt with it.

As for telling people before hand, we didn't make an official announcment or anything like that, but if people asked about it or made comments about it before hand (which they did because they know our feelings on this) we let them know so there would be no surprises. I also didn't want a bunch of people coming up to me or my parents on the day of the wedding and making a fuss about it. Yeah, we caught some grief, but people got over it and nothing was said and nothing has been mentioned since!

If that is what you want then do it! You wouldn't choose an ugly dress just because everyone else loved it would you? People can deal with it for one night. They are there to see you and your FI get married, not to drink. They can go to a bar after the recpetion if they really need to.

KristiDB8 · September 2011

I think that people should be able to have a good time without alcohol.

That being said, I recently went to a dry wedding (financial reasons for the couple) and more than half the people left right after dinner, and I wouldn't have even said that it was a big drinking crowd. Their loss. We stayed and had a WONDERFUL time.

Bottom line...your wedding. Do what you think best for yourself and your guests. don't be surprised if a lot of people leave right after dinner.

kaesha · September 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_food-cakes_alcohol-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:23Discussion:18a979d0-01a2-4038-bfe4-d4f25a9a2688Post:89f29541-1958-4d07-a007-fd3d114ffef7">Re: No Alcohol...?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think that people should be able to have a good time without alcohol. That being said, I recently went to a dry wedding (financial reasons for the couple) and more than half the people left right after dinner, and I wouldn't have even said that it was a big drinking crowd. Their loss. We stayed and had a WONDERFUL time. Bottom line...your wedding. <strong>Do what you think best for yourself and your guests. don't be surprised if a lot of people leave right after dinner.</strong>
Posted by KristiDB8[/QUOTE]

I think this is the bottom line. It's all fine and good to say "it's MY day", but ultimately you're throwing a party for the people who matter most in your life. IMHO, the ceremony is about you and your husband; the reception is about the community around you.

So, if you're basing your decision off that one, very minor, incident (which I think is one that most people would laugh at down the line), I think you should give some more thought to your decision. If, however, you have the best interests of your guests and yourselves at heart and you decide to go dry, more the power to you.

Lawyer Barbie · September 2011

Perfectly fine if that's your choice, but alcohol is a social lubricant and as sad as it is to say, adds an element of fun that is usually difficult to get with crowds of near strangers without it. The party usually shuts down pretty soon without a glass of wine or two. Why not consider a cash bar if possible? I hate them, but ita a better option than none at all!

gmnidrm · September 2011

I've read all the posts to this and everyone has great points of view for very good reasons. But if you don't want people getting out of control and it's gonna push your budget to do a full bar but want to keep your guests happy. Maybe you could have 2 bottles of wine on each dinner table...like a white and a red. That way guests can have wine with dinner and you can still keep your budget and guests in line. Just a thought.

OnMyArm · October 2011

OP, I certainly see where you are coming from - drunk people suck. However, I had a pretty negative experience at a "dry" wedding this summer - I flew across the country and took three days off work and got stuck overnight in an airport just to attend a friend's TUESDAY AFTERNOON wedding (seriously, worst possible day for a wedding). She had no liquor and a pretty small and bland buffet. After the exhaustion, inconvenience and expense of my trip, I ended up feeling totally unappreciated. I only got to see her for a few minutes, and I left the wedding hungry and tense. Four months later, I still haven't recieved a thank-you note for my gift, or any sort of communication appreciating my attendence.

I tell you this not to say that you *must* have liquor, but to remind you that hosting a bar is a part of the American model of hospitality. If you are not having liquor, make sure your food is delicious and that you make time to see and appreciate all your guests. If you make the event fun, meaningful, and fulfilling in all other ways, people will hardly notice.

kbn22273 · October 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_food-cakes_alcohol-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:23Discussion:18a979d0-01a2-4038-bfe4-d4f25a9a2688Post:4a5c6459-16c8-43ac-baaf-b04ef1993b52">Re: No Alcohol...?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: No Alcohol...? : I think this is the bottom line. It's all fine and good to say "it's MY day", but ultimately you're throwing a party for the people who matter most in your life. <strong>IMHO, the ceremony is about you and your husband; the reception is about the community around you</strong>. So, if you're basing your decision off that one, very minor, incident (which I think is one that most people would laugh at down the line), I think you should give some more thought to your decision. If, however, you have the best interests of your guests and yourselves at heart and you decide to go dry, more the power to you.
Posted by kaesha[/QUOTE]

I agree. The reception is part of your thank to them. Limit the bar hours or limit the choices to beer and wine. You're more likely to offend the mass than you are to have a repeat performance from the drunk relative

No Alcohol...?

Re: No Alcohol...?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards