For goodness sakes...

orangehills · February 2013

Soo.. my FIL's are very nice people but I don't think they know much about etiquette. FMIL asked last night if she can invite 3 more people to the wedding, and she'd pay for them. Um.. invites already went out, and no you can't! I mean, if my mom is paying for the wedding and she isn't even inviting any of her relatives/friends no one else can! We all agreed. When I told my FMIL about the downsize back in the fall (to 25 people- immediate family and a few of FI and my friends is all) she said oh that's a great idea. But then she went and told her family we canceled the wedding instead of telling them about the change because I guess she was afraid they'd feel bad. I get that, but I had to do it and so did my mom- it was unfortunate, but life. So now she wants to invite them again?

So I tell FI and he's like, well who can we uninvite to invite them? Um no honey, that's not how it works- people don't get uninvited so someone else can get their way. So FI just got annoyed with me because I was irritated and wanted him to handle this and that caused a huge fight. So last night was lovely. Is anyone else having more arguments as the wedding gets closer? That was really our first in awhile and my mom was saying- prep for more as it gets closer. Ugh.. Sorry, had to vent!!

ChiGirl2013 · February 2013

I'm definitely on your side! You don't uninvite FAMILY so that your FMIL can invite her FRIENDS. They aren't part of your life and there's no way in heck they would trump blood relatives.

Give your FI time to cool down and hopefully he will see it your way. You've already told your FMIL no, so that should be the end of it. He doesn't even need to get involved at this point. Sorry you have to deal with this! *HUG*

[Deleted User] · February 2013

FI haven't fought in a few weeks. So does your family think the wedding is canceled as in you're not getting married at all or do they just think the party is canceled?

I did get an overly detailed email from FMIL last night regarding lots of random details. She said, "You said you were not interested in having anything added to the ceremony. I did like the idea of the mothers lighting a unity candle but your ceremony is up to you. Do you plan on having a soloist or music for the ceremony"

I have never been to a ceremony where the MOTHERS did a unity anything. This was my response:

I don't think the idea of a unity candle is so great given the venue. I would love to have it if we were indoors but if there is a hint of wind, it's just going to blow out. If anyone was going to do a unity anything it would probably be FI and I but we talked about it and candles will blow out and the officiant said he did one unity sand thing and the sand fell all over the bride and groom's feet. I think we'll just skip the unity stuff. I have seen a lot of pictures online of people doing "wine and love letter ceremonies," where you get a bottle of wine and each write a love letter and then place them into a box and seal the box during the ceremony. The idea is to open the box on your 10th anniversary, read the letters, drink the wine and remember how you felt on your wedding day. Part of me likes the idea but part of me thinks that FI and I would end up with black and blue thumbs from shaking so much :-P

Anyways, I tried to deflect that one because really...a big candle outside that people are supposed to pay attention to? "This flame unites you both , POOF" yea that would be bad...

She went on to ask /tell me what to do about: talking to the officant re: the cermony, babysitter, rehearsal dinner guest list, areas of the house to decorate, links to the registry site (ITS ON THE FREAKING WEDDING WEBSITE THAT I HAVE SENT YOU FIVE MILLION TIMES GAAHHHHH), FI's grandmothers' travel plans, when/how we should go about looking for houses, and how I should use my small business supplies to make up a door prize for the bridal shower she's hosting.

It's like she never planned her own wedding or something, which I know that she was very vocal about. *Le sigh* at least my parents are pretty hands off until we need them.

orangehills · February 2013

Nope, there isn't any way to have them there. We are having only our parents, siblings and like 4 friends each and their significant others, totaling 25 people. If we invited her sisters we'd have to invite all the aunts/uncles. If we invited her one friend, we'd have to invite my mom's friend. And it snowballs. I haven't told her no yet- I was stunned on the phone and told her FI and I would talk about it, mainly because I wanted him to deal with it. Well- I don't think he will handle it well- he'd probably make her upset and make me look like a bad guy (we're working on those communication skills!) so I told him I'd call her tonight. She'll just have to deal. I mean, she made us really mad when she told her family that we canceled the wedding, when really we just downsized it. So I'm glad they know the wedding is still on, but they will have to accept they aren't invited. I mean- pretty much no one is invited. So yeah. Grr!!

Oh man Ich- if my FMIL called me to talk about all that I'd be like, whaaa?? I have it under control!! Oye vey.

vk2204 · February 2013

Most guys don't get etiquette. My FI and I had a few fights regarding right vs wrong compared to what he has witnessed. My FI's best man found out last week what a bridal shower was lol. He has never heard of anything like that before!

This was a long time ago, and I cannot remember exactly what we fought over (this is going to bug me now), but FI kept saying he didn't care what was proper etiquette, it has happened at all of the weddings he has been to, and I kept telling him I really don't care but WE aren't doing it. I actually made him read a post on here to get him to see the other side. Now, he has full trust in my etiquette knowledge lol.

It really helped when I tried to put him in the situation as the guest... maybe ask your FI how he would feel if he was uninvited to something, even as simple as a night out.

[Deleted User] · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2013-weddings_for-goodness-sakes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:820178d7-4f43-4671-bcab-c5c2c01eef1eDiscussion:c184c4a2-d437-4cf4-bdcd-9e58c442eab5Post:3d34ed44-d0b7-435b-9c25-7d8ea9db5e21">Re: For goodness sakes...</a>:
[QUOTE]Nope, there isn't any way to have them there. We are having only our parents, siblings and like 4 friends each and their significant others, totaling 25 people. If we invited her sisters we'd have to invite all the aunts/uncles. If we invited her one friend, we'd have to invite my mom's friend. And it snowballs. I haven't told her no yet- I was stunned on the phone and told her FI and I would talk about it, mainly because I wanted him to deal with it. Well- I don't think he will handle it well- he'd probably make her upset and make me look like a bad guy (we're working on those communication skills!) so I told him I'd call her tonight. She'll just have to deal. I mean, she made us really mad when she told her family that we canceled the wedding, when really we just downsized it. So I'm glad they know the wedding is still on, but they will have to accept they aren't invited. I mean- pretty much no one is invited. So yeah. Grr!! Oh man Ich- if my FMIL called me to talk about all that I'd be like, whaaa?? I have it under control!! Oye vey.
Posted by orangehills[/QUOTE]

Welcome to my wedding hell, haha. My wedding stress comes directly from FMIL and the budget.

orangehills · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2013-weddings_for-goodness-sakes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:820178d7-4f43-4671-bcab-c5c2c01eef1eDiscussion:c184c4a2-d437-4cf4-bdcd-9e58c442eab5Post:2dd6a718-1a32-4ee3-aac8-f019cae63351">Re: For goodness sakes...</a>:
[QUOTE]Most guys don't get etiquette. My FI and I had a few fights regarding right vs wrong compared to what he has witnessed. My FI's best man found out last week what a bridal shower was lol. He has never heard of anything like that before! This was a long time ago, and I cannot remember exactly what we fought over (this is going to bug me now), but FI kept saying he didn't care what was proper etiquette, it has happened at all of the weddings he has been to, and I kept telling him I really don't care but WE aren't doing it. I actually made him read a post on here to get him to see the other side. Now, he has full trust in my etiquette knowledge lol. It really helped when I tried to put him in the situation as the guest... maybe ask your FI how he would feel if he was uninvited to something, even as simple as a night out.
Posted by vk2204[/QUOTE]

Oh he has heard all about etiquette from me. I mean, I never even considered uninviting anyone when his mom said that. It wasn't even an option- I just wanted him to talk to her. But yah, since he doesn't get it, best if I do. What is with guys??? I tell you- I will be happy when this wedding is over! But I guess there will always be something lol Good idea though- maybe I'll show him a post!!

[Deleted User] · February 2013

Yup! I just had to add seven people to the RD because my family is so large I felt guilty that it would be 75% my family when I talked to FMIL about it. And we have to pick up the tab on that! Oh well. FI and I didn't fight about it, I just told him we were adding people from his family (aunts and uncles, and one cousin) and picking up the cost. We'll make it work somehow.

adawn1981 · February 2013

Oh yes, FI and I argue way more the closer we get to the wedding. We had a fight on Tuesday because he says it is uncomfortable going to work because the recepionist thinks she is invited to the wedding and keeps saying "I am so excited for you guys, I can't wait". Well, she should be uncomfortable even saying that. She is not invited because we have no room and do not consider her a friend, although she is a lovely lady and very nice. We just don't have the room. We invited tons of people from his work and 2 from mine. I used to work there, so it made sense. I feel uncomfortable too when the ladies here tell me they can't wait! Guess what? Invites are out, we have invited 25 more people than we can host (without forking out extra money for the bigger room - which we might have to do) and you didn't put her on the list! What is done is done. If he wants to B List her, go ahead, but I am not having part of it. And if he really wants to make sure she can fit in the venue he needs to remind all of his friends/coworkers that have had their RSVP for over 3 weeks to go ahead and check the little box and send it back! I am astonished that people take their sweet time to RSVP. There have been tons of fights like that in the past month or so and I am ready for more! The good thing is that FI realizes this too and apologized Wednesday morning and said no matter what wedding fight we have, we are getting married and as long as He, I and the Minister are there, it will be a good day. He just wants to get the wedding stress over with and get married already!

Blondy214 · February 2013

Ugh. I have had people calling and asking if they can bring someone and people who just assume they are invited. The nerviest I think is FI's brother's friend's MOM telling us that she can't wait. Seriously? My mom has also added several people on to the list, some of whom I have never even met.

For goodness sakes...

Re: For goodness sakes...

Choose Another Board

Search Boards