Wedding Etiquette Forum

Poof.

Re: Poof.

  • Not at all. It is against etiquette to HAVE a jack and jill thing, at least the kind you are describing!
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  • An invitation is just that: an invitation.  Not a summons.  Not a requirement.  If you don't want to go, then don't go.  How could that be against etiquette?

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  • hoffsehoffse member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 100 Love Its First Answer
    You definitely don't need to attend or "donate."  Their marriage isn't a charity.  Just do what you feel comfortable with.
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  • The stags in H's circle all charge admission and the groomsmen sell tickets. He and his friends will even buy tickets to another guy's stag whom they've never met just to help the guy and his groomsman out, with absolutely no intention of actually attending. It drives me crazy. I'm really not OK with charging people to attend such things.

    However, I will say that with his friends the $20 or whatever does get you food and some beer for the evening.

    Were I you I would not attend and tell them you hope they have a great time.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_jack-jill-wth?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e9573bbe-8e63-43ef-837d-7cf224211ad8Post:50eaa9c6-380e-4e38-a483-c6bf1744a661">Jack & Jill... WTH?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I've been doing some reading on here for awhile, and you ladies seem like the best to ask in this situation... I was invited to a wedding recently, and yes, I did the "cash bar/open bar" check on their wedding site. I sighed, but figured it will be fun even though I will have to bring my purse. Then, a few days later, I got a FB invite for a "Jack & Jill." Apparently, this is some sort of event where I must purchase a ticket to attend, then pay for my own drinks. I don't know if there will be food. According to the invite, I am also encouraged to bring prizes suitable for a "raffle." I have also been alerted to keep my schedule open for a bachelorette party. Just to make me feel a little more icky about this entire thing, their "registry" is basically a fund to donate money to their future life together/a trip. What the hell is going on? I know the economy is sad and whatever, but a wedding is not  a cancer diagnosis. <strong>Now, I plan on attending the wedding, but is it against etiquette if I do not attend/donate to this J&J thing?
    </strong>Posted by AmityAmity[/QUOTE]

    You definitely do not need to attend, they are the ones going against etiquette for having a j&j.
  • You do not have to go.  I find Jack and Jill's to be tacky.
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  • AmityAmityAmityAmity member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited July 2013
  • Well, luckily for you, your mother is wrong.

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  • In Response to Re: Jack & Jill... WTH?:
    [QUOTE]Well, luckily for you, your mother is wrong.
    Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]
      Agreed.  You are under no obilgation to buy a ticket.  They are the ones going against etiquette, not you.
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  • AmityAmityAmityAmity member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited July 2013
  • Honestly - I might not even go to the wedding if everything else is this rude. I would just send my decline and a nice card, maybe with a small gift (wine or something). 

    Definitely do not go to the Jack and Jill thing if you are uncomfortable. 
  • The only times I have heard of Jack and Jills, like this one that seem to be az fundraiser, is on TK and from my Canadian former room mate. Is it regional and accepted/common in some places?
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_jack-jill-wth?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e9573bbe-8e63-43ef-837d-7cf224211ad8Post:4174b3e8-1892-42f5-9490-62d79c5203e3">Re:Jack amp; Jill... WTH?</a>:
    [QUOTE]. Is it regional and accepted/common in some places?
    Posted by HandBanana[/QUOTE]
    That is the impression I have gotten. It just seems so very bizarre--and rude!
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  • AmityAmityAmityAmity member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited July 2013
  • They're quite common in my area (Southeastern Ontario). And to top it off, the couple usually tends to invite everyone they have ever met, whether they are invited to the wedding or not. Usually there is also some sort of Facebook event set up. I am not having one, I find them to be tacky. I can pay for my own wedding thank you very much.
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  • Winnertag1Winnertag1 member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited July 2012
    Some people in this area have them & I live in south eastern Ontario, before FI and I started dating her was invited to the J&J of the girl he had JUST met the night before at a party and only briefly spoke to. He had never spoken to this girl before or had never spoken to her after & wasnt invited to the wedding. They are seen as events where you invite ANYONE - friend of a friend of a friend, random stranger on the street - the more the better because they get more money.

    You are not inclined to go, you can if you want but it is not neccessary. You do not have to go to the J&J if you are going to go to the wedding. 

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  • I've lived in NYC since college (and that's a LONG time) and I have never seen a "Jack & Jill Shower" to be anything other than a coed shower, generally hosted by the BMs and GMs.

    It's only been on the knot that I have seen it to be a fund raiser, charging admission and raising money for the B&G

    The first is totally acceptable and the latter, simple poor etiquette.

  • kaitlynmichellekaitlynmichelle British Columbia member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments Name Dropper
    I've been invited to many of them before (I'm also from Ontario), I always decline and don't buy a ticket.  Especially when I'm not even invited to the wedding.  They are tacky and rude.
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  • My jaw dropped reading all of this. These people are shameless! They don't want you at their wedding, they are just shaking you down for cash and maybe dry goods. No one is possibly dense enough to think this is okay. I've see friends "marry for money," but not from their guests!
  • SB1512SB1512 member
    500 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_jack-jill-wth?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e9573bbe-8e63-43ef-837d-7cf224211ad8Post:3a0ccc57-da2c-491e-af39-7ffbb5f33349">Re: Jack & Jill... WTH?</a>:
    [QUOTE]The stags in H's circle all charge admission and the groomsmen sell tickets. He and his friends will even buy tickets to another guy's stag whom they've never met just to help the guy and his groomsman out, with absolutely no intention of actually attending. It drives me crazy. I'm really not OK with charging people to attend such things. However, I will say that with his friends the $20 or whatever does get you food and some beer for the evening. Were I you I would not attend and tell them you hope they have a great time.
    Posted by lauralaur[/QUOTE]

    Yup, this is what goes on in my FI's circle of friends as well.  He's gone to 4 stags since March and we weren't invited to 3 of those weddings!  FI doesn't seem to care though.....in fact his exact words were "I pay 20 bucks for a night of food, drinking and guy time and b/c I'm not invited to the wedding I don't have to shell out $$$ for that, it's awesome."
  • Jack and Jill's are called "Socials" where I'm from and I personally vomit a little in my mouth whenever I'm invited to one. However, I've never been asked to bring a raffle prize. Normally those are donated by businesses or radio stations.  I really wish these stupid things would be made illegal in the case of weddings. They're a decent idea for fundraisers (minus asking people to bring raffle prizes) but anyone who puts their hand out for wedding money loses respect from me and even more so when they ask complete strangers (the premise is to get everyone you know to invite everyone they know and you usually wind up not knowing half the people who show up...but the B&G still get money from these people)
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