Pre-wedding Parties

Wedding Shower vs Bach/ette Parties

So I know this isn't etiquette-approved, but FI and I plan to host our wedding shower/bach parties here at our home in Iowa. More than likely FMIL and at least one BM will be helping with the planning - so it's not entirely thrown by ourselves. We want it here because it's our new home, we're familiar with the area and we have space at our house for most out-of-towners to spend the night. We don't have such space at any of our family's homes to move the party elsewhere, plus I just don't really want the bach parties elsewhere.

Family, friends and several wedding party members live in different states - Kentucky, Indiana and Missouri. I have consulted with my BMs already and they're on board with the location -- FI still hasn't decided on his entire party and one of them is local anyway.

Obviously anyone from out of town would have to be invited to both the shower and the bach parties. And I'm cool with them all coming - it would be immediate family and close friends. What I'm trying to figure out is how to handle, if I can, some of our local friends and the party. Primarily I'm referencing FI's work friend's wives/girlfriends. I've met them before, but it's awkward to talk to them when we hang out and I really don't want to have to worry about them at my bachelorette party.

As of yet, we're thinking party bus -- both bach party and bachelorette party sharing the bus and its expense, although not in the bus at the same time and going to diff bars. It may be that these ladies won't come anyway because they don't drink, would know it could be awkward, or they just have better things to do. But what if they want to come? What if FI invites the guy to his party - do I really have to invite the SO to mine? Similarly, I know there are some of my friend's SO's that might come to the shower, but I don't know if FI wants them at his party.

Because of the travel for everyone involved, we would like to have everything in the same weekend, and Saturday would be the day for both events. We're thinking maybe Jan or Feb. The wedding is mid-April.

Suggestions?
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Reply requested by March 23.

Re: Wedding Shower vs Bach/ette Parties

  • freebread03freebread03 member
    1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 250 Love Its First Answer
    edited September 2012
    You already know that this goes against etiquette so why do it?  You're inviting people to a party in your (own) honor, where they are expected to give you a gift, and then you're asking them to cover the expenses for your bachelor/bachelorette parties.  Really, just don't do it.  It's tacky and rude, and makes you sound entitled.

    And if you DO go ahead and do it, there is no nice way to do this--can you imagine sitting next to someone at the shower who says to their neighbor "tonight is going to be so much fun, I can't wait for the party bus" and their neighbor wasn't invited?  That wouldn't come off well.  You need to rethink your plans.
  • I wouldn't ask anyone else to pay for either party. I don't even care about the shower FI wants it. It would be pretty small and probably kinda awkward. Maybe I'll see if we can do another NWR daytime activity instead and just have the bach parties. I totally get the potential conversations and possible hard feelings if, noninvited guests have it rubbed in their faces.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    So ready to bring our families together and PARTY on April 13th, 2013!
    image 225 Invited
    image 53 Are ready to party!
    image 18 Will be missing out!
    image 154 Are MIA!
    Reply requested by March 23.
  • I realize you're not asking anyone to pay for either, but traditionally, WP splits cost of the bachelorette party and I would think that your WP (and guests) will chip in accordingly, and will indeed feel obligated to pay (even if it wasn't your intention).  The point of a shower is to shower the bride (and groom if co-ed) with gifts, so you kinda are asking them to pay for the party (at least in terms of gifts).

    Throw a NWR party if you want to (like you suggested)--a BBQ, open house, or something, or casually suggest that you and your friends go out to a local wine event or something (just what came to mind).  Just remember, if you're inviting, you're hosting, which means covering everything for your guests (and not asking them, even implying, to bring gifts, etc.)
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