Local reception following Out of Town wedding?

hydrangeabeach · February 2012

Hello Everyone...
I'm a MOG trying to figure out what's appropriate (and not) with regard to planning a local reception/party/celebration following my son and his fiancee's out of town wedding. The bride and groom want to keep the ceremony small and intimate (immediate family and their close friends) but my husband and I would like to share the celebration with our extended families (cousins, aunts/uncles) and friends (who do know the couple.) The bride's parents will plan a similar event in her hometown (which is across the country from us.) I'd like to hear from folks who have done something similar, and/or from folks who have thoughts/ideas. In particular: what do we call the celebration (a party? reception?) how do we indicate that the couple has been married? Can/should we do "wedding" type things (parents dance? wedding cake?) at this reception? How can we stress that we are celebrating a milestone and welcoming our new daughter in law into the family and not having a party as a gift getting mechanism?
What would my DIL wear? Any and all thoughts are welcome! Thanks!

JaxInBlue · February 2012

I think the general rule of thumb on receptions is that they are a thank you for guests who attended the wedding. The celebration following the out of town ceremony is the reception for your son and FDIL, especially since their OOT ceremony is not just limited to immediate family.

I don't think it would be a problem for you to throw your son and DIL a party, but it's got to be treated as such. No wedding stuff - dancing, but no spotlight dances; cake - but no showy cake cutting. Wedding photos or video (maybe, if there is time) but the wedding party doesn't wear their wedding attire. Your DIL can wear a dress or outfit appropriate to the formality of the party in whatever color she wants.

You don't need to say anything about gifts. Gifts are always unexpected, and I would err on the side of not having a registry. Your invitations to this party should make it clear that your son and DIL are already married and that is a party welcoming your daughter to the family. I'm not sure about wording, though.

tldh · February 2012

We did a small wedding also with only immediate family and close friends. We did not do anything for my family in Cincinnati but my FIL was unable to attend our wedding in Philadelphia for health reasons and threw a second reception for us in San Francisco. My SIL planned the whole thing and here is what happened:

- The invitations that went out invited people to a reception in honor of the recent marriage of tldh and Mr. tldh.
- There was a cake and we did a cake cutting
- SIL gave a toast
- We had a buffet dinner
- DH wore a suit
- I wore my dress again. I had made a point of picking a dress that could actually be worn as an evening gown (because if I'm spending that kind of money, dammmit, I'm wearing it more than once). I wore a single white rose in my hair instead of the veil.
-We displayed a picture of us on our wedding day between pictures of my parents and DH's parents on their wedding days
- at each table we had a different picture of us the wedding (I was surprised when people took these home with them)
-Our niece created and played a short video of the wedding day

My SIL's parents hosted a second reception for them after their OOT wedding. Parents of friends of mine had done the same thing. I think that when it's the parents hosting this, it comes off better than if it is the couple who are hosting it themselves. If it is the couples, then I agree with the PPs that there should be as little "wedding" things as possible.

Local reception following Out of Town wedding?

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