bridal fairs.....

LeenieLane · January 2013

Hi, Ladies!!

I need some advice. My FI and I are getting married Fall 2014 (possibly sooner or later, still aren't firm on a date) and everyone is crawling up my you-know-what about Bridal Fairs. I've been doing some lurking and know I can poke around and get ideas, but since my date is so far out I don't need to really start the planning process yet. My issue is my cousins, sisters, friends, mother, FMIL, FSILs...EVERYONE...is hounding me to attend Bridal Fairs. I feel like I have a programmed autoresponse when I say "I'm not going to be attending those until at least late 2013/early 2014". I can't fault them for asking, I know they are all excited for me/us, but my cousin surprised me with tickets for a fair in March 2013!! While I very much appreciate her doing that, I'm really nervous she thinks she is a bridesmaid. I was in her wedding a few years ago but my BP is going to be small and if I ask one cousin, I feel like I'll have to ask all because we are all equally as close. I haven't even asked my own sisters to be bridesmaids yet. I am not opening my mouth until 2014 because relationships change, yada yada yada.

How do I delicately drop the hint that she isn't in the BP? I do NOT want to hurt feelings. I know deep down she wants to be a BM and I'm really nervous she thinks she is and it's just assumed? I don't know. I love her so much and don't want to hurt her feelings at all. In my situation if I add one cousin, I'll have to add 4! I'm not worried about uneven sides or anything like that, I just truly want a smaller BP with my sisters, FIs sisters and FIs niece. Is it improper to attend a fair with someone who isn't part of the BP?

One of my close friends wanted to take me to a Bridal Fair this weekend and I am not feeling well, so I got out of it! I feel awful for some reason, like people are assuming and I'm maybe letting them assume by not confirming or denying it for them.

I'm trying really hard not to be ridiculous but this is consuming me. I'm assuming I should "find a set" and speak up, but I don't know if I should give it that much energy right now.

Please help me or knock me down a couple pegs if I'm being ridic.

Thank you...and be easy; I'm sick and overly sensitive right now LOL!

allychase · January 2013

Oh my. First of all bridal shows really aren't all they're cracked up to be. I went to two, cause obviously its fun to be the bride and when else will you get the chance.. But once the glitter happy rainbow dust settles, you're left with calls and emails for months, if not years, from vendors you never even met because your info will be sold to other companies who will hound you to just quote check up quote, on my phone but needed to emphasize that. Second, you need to put your foot down and tell them to back off. If they're really hounding you, it's totally okay to get some irritation in your voice and explain you don't need to attend those shows because you aren't ready to, and when you're ready you will. Also, don't tell her she's not a BM. If she ever asks outright, I don't really have advice for that but I'm sure another knottie does lol.

LeenieLane · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bridal-fairs-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:20aaa632-4225-48ba-98c5-84e0341a5652Post:3b3cdcb1-6cfb-4c92-9929-50bdb676c195">Re:bridal fairs.....</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh my. First of all bridal shows really aren't all they're cracked up to be. I went to two, cause obviously its fun to be the bride and when else will you get the chance.. But once the glitter happy rainbow dust settles, you're left with calls and emails for months, if not years, from vendors you never even met because your info will be sold to other companies who will hound you to just quote check up quote, on my phone but needed to emphasize that. Second, you need to put your foot down and tell them to back off. If they're really hounding you, it's totally okay to get some irritation in your voice and explain you don't need to attend those shows because you aren't ready to, and when you're ready you will. Also, don't tell her she's not a BM. If she ever asks outright, I don't really have advice for that but I'm sure another knottie does lol.
Posted by allychase[/QUOTE]

Thanks, ally. You make really good points. I would never flat out say she wasn't but I feel like it'll be misleading if I just go on with what I believe is her just assuming. Who knows, maybe by the time I get closer to the wedding I'll change my mind completely on everything but for right now everyone is stressing me out and I just don't want to hurt feelings along the way!

Very true point about adding the "I'm irritated" tone to my voice. I'm 100% not doing that, and I think if I do I'll send a clearer message.

Thank you!!

Jager1219 · January 2013

Ditto on bridal shows being pretty useless. The only way to benefit IMO is to go early and talk to vendors about pricing. It helps to give you a price range (which varies per area) and what you should expect to pay for things. I didn't get any good vendors out of them. But I was able to meet with vendors I was considering. Although if I was serious about booking them I would have set up a separate meeting anyways

SlothGoals · January 2013

I think you can go to bridal shows with whomever you want. Maybe your cousin is just really excited for you? Also, I wouldn't say anything outright about her not being in the WP but if she asks directly I would say, "Oh, we're so far out I'm not even thinking about a WP right now." If she persists in asking after you've selected your WP say something like "I wanted to keep my WP small so I'm only having siblings and my future neice stand up with me."

ETA: My FI and I only went to a bridal show to take advantage of special "show pricing" from vendors we had already chosen. Other than that if you've been to one you've been to them all.

[Deleted User] · January 2013

I agree with PPs about bridal fairs. The only good thing I got out of a fair was winning a lottery for $250 off a local invitation place.

sierraberry32 · January 2013

I went to a bridal fair a year ago, and they are still calling me and sending me crap! Don't put your info on anything unless you really want to be called.

AddieCake · January 2013

I had to turn the ringer off my phone for 2 months after going to one.

If people start hounding you about who is in your WP, just tell them you haven't selected it yet. Once you DO select it, if they are hounding, say, "We have already selected our small wedding party. Have you tried this bean dip? It's delicious!"

Don't tell people ahead of time that they will not be in it.

nsweare · January 2013

From the other side...Bridal Shows are a good place to get a lot of information from a lot of different vendors all in one place. Also, do some research and find out when Bridal Shows tend to be in your area. Where I live the majority are this time of year and there may be one or two in early fall. So consider your planning timeline before you make any decisions about whether to attend now or not. If you don't want to go to a Bridal Show, then don't go. I personally enjoyed the one I went to and would've gone to more if I could have.

krichards0527 · January 2013

Once you do start going to bridal fairs, consider making a seperate email address for 'wedding only' things. This way when vendors start sending out countless emails and promotions, they will go to this email address and not your primary one. For example.... leenielanewedding@gmail/hotmail/yahoo.com. Once the wedding is over, you can delete it and not worry about getting emails from vendors after the wedding. I've only been to three or four bridal fairs and each time I was innundated with emails that were mostly no use to me bc most of my vendors were already booked.
Hope this helps!

LeenieLane · January 2013

Thank you all for your advice! I appreciate it!

MairePoppy · January 2013

I predict you will win the following: a free tux rental from MW for your groom, a ballroom dance lesson, free knives or pans and a free makeover for you and your bridal party from one of those cosmetic companies that sells product through home 'parties.' You don't even have to go to a bridal show to win all that stuff, just sign up on DB to win a free dress.

If the subject comes up, tell your cousin that it's too early to decide on your wedding party, but it's going to be very small.

LeenieLane · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bridal-fairs-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:20aaa632-4225-48ba-98c5-84e0341a5652Post:e02505ad-1724-402f-b264-44d754ef4e98">Re: bridal fairs.....</a>:
[QUOTE]I predict you will win the following: a free tux rental from MW for your groom, a ballroom dance lesson, free knives or pans and a free makeover for you and your bridal party from one of those cosmetic companies that sells product through home 'parties.' You don't even have to go to a bridal show to win all that stuff, <strong>just sign up on DB to win a free dress</strong>. If the subject comes up, tell your cousin that it's too early to decide on your wedding party, but it's going to be very small.
Posted by MairePoppy[/QUOTE]

DB is flagged as spam now! they're out of control!!

Peledreamsofrain · January 2013

I actually had quite a different experience than most with Bridal Fairs. I went in knowing that I wasn't going to give out my information, and was only going to take cards for places that I was interested in.

It was interesting, and I got a chance to find my ceremony venue as well as pre-taste several bakers. Through this I found my baker.

I think if you go in with a protective attitude of your own information, and just treat it like an informational source, it's actually really valuable.

reppunzel · January 2013

I really enjoyed the bridal shows we went to (FI went with me ... love that man!). As long as you don't get carried away by all the "stuff" you don't need, it's kinda fun to be "courted" with food, samples, cake, little gift-thingys, etc. We found our florist and caterer through the area shows, and it was actually pretty helpful. For example, we're doing an hors 'douvres reception and the quality of our caterer's samples was consistently very high across four different shows, even toward the end when everyone else had run out or had trays that were picked over and getting gummy, theirs were hot and fresh.

This may depend on where you are, but the shows we went to also gave us the chance to meet some small, independent local vendors (like a girl who makes absolutely gorgeous custom-bound books with amazing paper), some of whom don't even have a website.

And I've won prizes at each one -- not just the "free makeovers" type -- but some very nice gift baskets, some gift certificates and a free night's stay at a gorgeous historic hotel.

Like PP have said, we took precautions re: spam. 1.) We have an email address that is just for wedding stuff; we'll close if after the day. 2.) When we gave a phone number or address, we used my landline (which is almost never available because I can only get dial-up internet where I live, unless I want to pay through the nose) and my current address (I'm moving to our new home after the wedding). 3.) Other than the show registration, I only gave one form of contact info (usually the email address), rather than filling out the whole card for a drawing or whatever. I gave them one way to get in touch, but felt no obligation to give them any information beyond that.

If you want to go to a show -- now or closer to your date -- go and have fun! Take several friends if you're concerned that one person might that going with you might be seen by her as "the in" to your wedding party. If you don't want to go, no reason that you have to.

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