don't want sister in laws in bridal party! wrong or justifiable?

Re: don't want sister in laws in bridal party! wrong or justifiable?

• melb2013 member

  

  January 2013

  You have complete control over who you want in your bridal party- you don't need to have your sister in laws if you don't want.

  May 2013 February Siggy: Invitations

  

  

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• beardownbchs member

  

  January 2013

  If your FI wants them in the bridal party, he can have them on his side. Mixed sides are not odd or uncommon. You do absolutely get to pick your side.
  
  Just please, PLEASE do not use "It's my wedding" because that comes across very bridezilla and it is also your FI's wedding. I hate that phrase.
  

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• OliveOilsMom member

  

  January 2013

  You should pick your nearest and dearest to stand up for you on your wedding day.  It doesn't sound like these women are close to you at all.  I would not include them.  If your FI feels strongly about having them in the WP, he can have them stand up on his side. 
  
  Do not talk about the wedding with these women.  They do not have to be told they are not in the wedding.  They will figure it out themselves when you each ask both sides (and wait about 9 months before the wedding to officially ask all WP members).  I don't know why they would think they should be included, they are ILs of the groom, not even directly related to him.

  

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• itzMS member

  

  January 2013

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_dont-want-sister-in-laws-in-bridal-party-wrong-or-justifiable?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:3883d932-dc56-40e7-a148-a058e6618f96Post:68a3db35-9a71-4d91-9dfb-72366c18f8a7">don't want sister in laws in bridal party! wrong or justifiable?</a>:
  [QUOTE]Okay, I'm having a difficult time choosing my bridal party. My fiance is going to have all of his brothers, but I do not particulary care for any of their wives. When they do anything they do not bother to include me so I feel like I don't need to include them. However, I kind of feel like it's going to cause a whole lot of drama. Should I just grin and bare it or put my foot down and say it's my wedding and I say no? I don't want to seem petty but they make EVERYTHING so unenjoyable. If it were up to me they wouldn't be there at all but I realize that is very unrealistic.
  Posted by mymy4[/QUOTE]
  
  
  You pick your nearest and dearest, FI picks his. Bottom line. If you don't count your SIL's amongst those women in your life, you are under no obligation to ask them to be bridesmaids just because their husbands are in the wedding party. You and FI do not have to have even sides (i.e. he can have 6 groomsmen, you can have 2 bridesmaids etc).
  
  That being said, I do think you need a bit of an attitude adjustment. I doubt every single one if these women is as awful as you portray them to be. Your entire lifetime is a loooonnggg time to "grin and bare it" every time you attend family events with your SILs.

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• Jager1219 member

  

  January 2013 edited January 2013

  If this will cause a lot of family drama (which I'm anticipating it will), then I would suggest having them get involved in other ways (like doing a reading).  Then you can tell them, we really want to include you in our wedding so I was hoping that you would do us the honor of doing X.  And you can also always add in there the part about them not having to pay for a dress that they'll only wear once too to help soften the blow.
  
  ETA - sorry I just reread that it's your FI's brother's wives (not FI's sister).  In that case, I don't think they would expect to be in the WP.

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• Maggie0829 member

  

  January 2013

  Ok so these women aren't even blood related to your FI?  Yeah, if you don't want to include them then you really don't have to.  Even if they were blood related he can certainly have them stand on his side if it is important to him.
  
  You control your side of the wedding party and he controls his.  Only have the people that are nearest and dearest to you stand up with you.
  
  All this crap about being obligated is bull.  You aren't obligated to have anyone stand up with you and feelings get hurt then those people need to grow the heck up.

  
  

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• AddieCake member

  

  January 2013

  Why would it cause drama? You probably barely know them, so why would anyone expect you to have them in your WP?

  What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14

  

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• libby2483 member

  

  January 2013

  It doesn't sound like you are close to them.  If they were your FI's sisters, I would say that you should consider including them to avoid hurt feelings and family drama.  But since they are the wives of your FI's brothrs, I don't think including them is necessary.  FI picks his side, and you pick yours.  Also, not to be really picky, but it is sisters-in-law, in sister-in-laws.

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• sunnilove member

  

  January 2013

  theyre not obligated to be your bridesmaids if you dont hangout with them...bridesmaids are YOUR side/friends/sisters/ect not your groomsmens wives...jeez.

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• RWolff member

  

  January 2013

  You are definitely not obligated. FBIL's FI made a huge deal of making sure I knew that she did NOT want to be a BM that it became offensive. We do not get along, so I was never considering it. Don't make a big deal out of their univolvement, and it shouldn't cause drama.

  

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• sclavell member

  

  February 2013

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_dont-want-sister-in-laws-in-bridal-party-wrong-or-justifiable?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:3883d932-dc56-40e7-a148-a058e6618f96Post:68a3db35-9a71-4d91-9dfb-72366c18f8a7">don't want sister in laws in bridal party! wrong or justifiable?</a>:
  [QUOTE]Okay, I'm having a difficult time choosing my bridal party. My fiance is going to have all of his brothers, but I do not particulary care for any of their wives. When they do anything they do not bother to include me so I feel like I don't need to include them. However, I kind of feel like it's going to cause a whole lot of drama. Should I just grin and bare it or put my foot down and say it's my wedding and I say no? I don't want to seem petty but they make EVERYTHING so unenjoyable. If it were up to me they wouldn't be there at all but I realize that is very unrealistic.
  Posted by mymy4[/QUOTE]
  
  Your bridal party should be people you are close to and who are always there for you.  Who have been with you through good times and bad times.  It should people you laughed with, cried with and partied with not people you barely know.  Choose a sister, best friend or your closest relatives but choose wisely.  You want to look back on your day and say it was the best day of your life.  Not look back with regrets..... 

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