Ceremony Structure Help..

brianna52525 · June 2012

My FI and I got married at the courthouse to save money before the wedding because I work in Residence Life at a university and live on-campus. We could only live together if we were married. We were already planning on having a wedding next June, but went to the courthouse to get the papers early.

We are still having our wedding next June, and only a few people know that we already are married. We do not want to have a religious ceremony. Any suggestions on how to structure the ceremony?

Queen Jane · June 2012

Everything Cmgr said.

You made the adult decision to get married (not just "get the paperwork", you did in fact get married), and now you deal with the fact that you only get one wedding.

No wedding party, no big dress, no fake ceremony.Hosting your friends with drinks, food, dancing, is all fine. I'm even alright with a simple cake, but stay I would stay away from anything wedding-ish.

And please, please tell your family and friends about your marriage ASAP. The longer you wait, the more people's feelings will be hurt.

futuremrsbruno · June 2012

Ditto. I would also refrain from using the term reception, since they are held after weddings. You could call it a celebration of your recommittment to each other or something of the sort.

melanieky · June 2012

I agree with PP's.. you cannot have an actual wedding since you are already married. A vow renewal is a nice idea, or just a party to celebrate! But no wedding ceremony or reception where you wear a huge white dress, have a cake cutting and first dance and all that.

Peavy · June 2012

You're already married, so for you, the wedding ship has sailed. You don't get a do-over because you didn't really like the wedding you had. Imagine how silly it would be if you had a huge, formal wedding, then decided that what you really wanted was to go the courthouse and be married privately. Would you do that? Of course not. Same thing for you, only the other way around.

If you want to have a party to celebrate, do it soon, because the longer you wait past the wedding date, the more irrelevant it becomes until it just seems ridiculous to have the party at all. But it's a party, not a wedding, so no big poofy, dress, no bridesmaids, no showers, no bachelorette, no registery, etc. etc. Because those are things associated with a wedding, and you already had yours.

The whole "vowel renewal" six months, eight moths, ten months after the wedding is just a very weak attempt to have a do-over wedding. Vow renewals are usually done at milestones - 10 years, 25 years,etc. -- not six months.

Sorry you missed the wedding you wanted - I hope that saving the money was worth it. That was the decision you made, and now you need to accept the results of that decision. You can save even more money by not having a do-over wedding, accepting the fact that you are already married, only get one wedding, and moving on to enjoying married life with your new husband.

aragx6 · June 2012

Sounds like you had a great reason to move the wedding up. Congratulations and enjoy married life. You should tell your family ASAP as I'm sure they'll be very happy for you!

See, I just saved you thousands of dollars.

HobokensFury · June 2012

Ditto PP. You've already had you wedding. You can't go and have your pretty princess day now.

ag2035 · June 2012

Oh no! I totally disagree with all of these people telling you that your wedding is over. I know several people who had their legal marriage at a court at an earlier date and still had a wedding either a few weeks or months after. Most called it a wedding, some referred to it as their religious ceremony since they had already had their legal ceremony, one referred to it as a reception only and didn't have a ceremony; some told their guests or some of their guests/family, others didn't. IT'S TOTALLY UP TO YOU! Don't let a bunch of people you don't know tell you that your ship has sailed and you missed the boat (oh god, the puns...). Have your wedding in front of your family and friends and you can make it as wedding-y as you want-- have the dress, the bridesmaids, first dance, cake cutting, bouquet tossing- the works! Seriously, there are no rules, do what you want and enjoy your day!

ag2035 · June 2012

And about your question re: how to structure the ceremony: The point is to say your vows to each other in front of your family and friends, right? Plan it exactly as you would have planned your ceremony if you had not done the legal part first- as secular as you want it to be, have people do readings, have your officiant talk about you two as a couple or whatever, say your vows. You can still be pronounced married. Just leave out anything religious and anything legal. That's what I'm doing since I am marrying a woman and we get no legal recognition. The court is just one part of it, and not one that everybody gets, so don't get hung up on that. Good luck!

preckles12 · June 2012

I also disagree with all these negative posts. So judgemental! I say you should have the wedding that you want as long as you are not lying to people. Tell them that you are legally married but that its important to you make your vows in front of friends and family. Get the dress! Have the cake! Celebrate your commitment to eachother.

Life doesnt always go according to a cookie cutter plan. You have to role with the punches and make the most of your situation. Have your day and dont let these people get you down.

thefuturemrschase · June 2012

You should have the wedding of your dreams regardless of the legal piece. Do what you truly want. If you want to have the officiant say something different then "I now pronounce you husband and wife" that may be a way to make the ceremony more fitting for your situation.

This is real life not a fairy tale. I 100% understand why you did the legal piece first. The legalities of our society should not dictate your enjoyment of one of the happiest days of your life!

LaurenRae25 · June 2012

My FI and I will be signing the marriage license a couple weeks before the actuall ceremony (due to state restrictions on officiants) and the only people who will actually know about that are our MOH, BM, and our parents and the officiant (my brother) of course. No one else has to know. Have the wedding of your dreams and enjoy it! Don't let all of these negative nancys ruin this for you. Like someone said above me, there are certain circumstances that have led you to the legal situation, and it should not dictate whether you get to have an actuall wedding or not. Your ship has not sailed!!!

rmann84 · July 2012

I disagree with all the negative posters also. A lot of things can cause you to postpone the "ceremony." what if you wanted to commit to each before he left for military service and didn't have time to have a fancy wedding until a year later when he returned?
You deserve the wedding ceremony you want. Maybe your marriage is legal already but you can still have a wedding.
I'm astonished at how rude some people can be.
If you don't want a religious ceremony I would suggest maybe outdoors at park. That's free flowers!

I would hold it like you would a regular wedding ceremony but leave out all the stuff about God. Maybe say your own vows or recite poetry or song lyrics that make you think of your significant other.
Congrats on getting married and good luck with your wedding

If you want help brainstorming anything else, feel free to pm me anytime!

Ceremony Structure Help..

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