Ok, I've been putting up with this on my own for awhile, and I have finally decided that I need to ask for advice from those I know are much wiser than I.
As pretty much all of you know, DH has congenital heart disease, and overall he's been okay, but lately his pulmonary valve has been leaking more and more. It's an old valve from a human cadaver, and after almost 20 years it's not working as well as it did. So DH had a cardiac cath done last week to determine just how bad it is, and what our next move is. What we found out after the cath is that his valve is old and leaking, and he could probably use a replacement soon (in other words, we didn't learn anything new at all). But his cardiologist said it is not an emergency, in fact those were his exact words. He's mostly looking into this because DH has complained of a reduced quality of life (inability to work or exercise, feeling tired all the time, etc.)
Unfortunately, DH's mother and grandparents have gone off the deep end. Despite the fact that the cardiologist has specifically said this is not an emergency, they have decided that what the doctor REALLY means is DH is weeks away from dying. And they're acting completely ridiculous. They've decided that DH is going to be having an open heart surgery within a week or two, even though he's a patient at the most gigantic (and therefore busiest) hospital in this state. They keep telling me that when he has his surgery, that it's not important if I can be there or not, that I should just go back to work and leave him for however long, and "visit on weekends". Both DH and I consider that prospect to be beyond distasteful and not even an option, and so they've also resorted to lying to DH, trying to convince him that I'm hiding what the doctor really said because I'm afraid of doctors and surgeries. They even claimed that I made a huge scene in the hospital demanding that the doctor agree that the surgery could wait, which never happened.
Now that we're back home, they keep calling DH several times every day, freaking out about how he could apparently fall down and die at any second. On Wednesday his mother tried to call him while I was at work, and he didn't answer the phone (turns out that the phone cord was damaged and we didn't know it). She proceeded to freak out, start calling me and texting me while I was at work, demanding that I leave work and go check on him immediately to make sure he wasn't on the floor dead or dying. When I refused because I told her he was fine, she berated me for it. When I got home that night, he was sitting on the couch reading, perfectly fine.
DH even talked to his cardiologist himself because he was tired of being harassed by his family, and tired of seeing me so stressed out because of how crappy they've been treating me (what i've posted here is the tip of the iceberg, it would take pages for me to tell you everything). The doctor confirmed everything I said, that it's not an emergency, and at this point they're even considering more tests and other options instead of open heart surgery. He told his mom this today, and she STILL is adamant that no, the doctor said that DH is going to die within the next few weeks without a replacement valve, and treating him as though he's too stupid to understand what's going on with his body, and that I'm lying to him.
What I need, besides the opportunity to vent, is to ask some advice, especially from those who are parents. I understand that his family is extremely worried about him, and they've spent decades caring for his heart condition. But what I don't understand what they stand to gain by convincing DH that he's weeks away from death. I mean, I don't know about you, but if someone kept treating me like I was knocking on death's door, I would probably be pretty freakin' stressed out about it. And stress is the last thing DH needs. I also don't understand their refusal to listen to what anybody tells them, the fact that they keep treating me like crap, etc. DH is now married, and I am his wife who has vowed to care for him during sickness and in health, but they keep trying to snatch him back and treat him like a helpless child. Can any of you give me advice for how to make them chill the heck out?!