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Christian Weddings

Need lots of prayer.

I had possibly the worst weekend ever.  As you can read in the prayers thread, my mom was admitted to the hospital on Saturday and is still here (I say "here" because my mom and I both work at this hospital) today with no clue what's wrong.  Obviously, that's a source of stress.  Then FI and I had a pretty major falling out last night with FMIL, which you can read about here and here.

There are 2 major components to my wedding that somehow FMIL decided on without my input.  No one asked me about these 2 things, and when I tried to change them, FMIL went nuts and told me no.  Guess what the 2 biggest stressors are?  Yup, you guessed it.  No one asked me how many guests we wanted to have, and no one asked me where I wanted to have the reception.  Now we're looking at having waaaay more guests than we wanted (I'm talking if we're lucky it will ONLY be twice as many - from 150 to 300) and being kicked out of our reception space 1-2 hours before we thought we would.

FI and I are so fed up with this that we are seriously considering eloping.  We have a date that would work well for us, and we are looking into a venue to use for a 5-10 guest ceremony with cake.

I am going to try, and I mean REAAALLLY try, to work through the 2 issues we're having.  If we can find an affordable reception venue that holds more people than the church, then we eliminate both the time issue and the space issue.  But FI is not really into the idea of spending $1000 just to make room for his mom to invite her neighbors and her fifth cousins.

I could really use some prayers for guidance.  FI and I are not joking around about this elopment thing, and we need to know if that's what God has planned for us, of if all of this trouble is just Satan trying to trip us up from having the wedding we planned.
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Re: Need lots of prayer.

  • edited December 2011
    Praying for you and your FI to have wisdom in making the right choices with these problems.  :-( 


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  • edited December 2011

    Ditto Kelly. May God guide you to the correct decision in dealing with all of this!

  • edited December 2011
    you, sessions, you will be in my prayers. i am so sorry you are dealing with all of this. i will pray for guidance in this decision. weddings shouldn't be this stressful.
  • yodacubyodacub member
    100 Comments Second Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    You and this whole situation are in my prayers!
  • SuMmErKuTiESuMmErKuTiE member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I'm so sorry you're going through this.... prayers going your way for guidance on what you and your FI should do. Definitely keep us posted, and prayers going out for your mom's health too. I hope they figure out what's wrong and can treat it ASAP.
  • edited December 2011
    So sorry for all of this, I can only imagine how stressful this can be. I pray you make the right decision for you and your FI - I know everyone is different. Had DH and I eloped I know I would've regretted it, but it might be right for you. Either way I will definitely keep you in my T&P !
  • mrandmrsbristmrandmrsbrist member
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    I read all of the previous posts from the November 2011 board...HOLY WOW. Your FMIL is piece of work. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with all of this. I'm praying for you! Please keep us updated.
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  • edited December 2011
    Yuck doesn't sound fun.  Prayers for wisdom and understanding coming your way!!
  • edited December 2011
    So sorry about all this! I will keep you and your family in my prayers. Let us know how your mom is and also what you feel God is calling you to do regarding the wedding.
  • edited December 2011
    My awesome FI just called the church himself and asked what time we would need to be out.  They said we could use the space until 9:00, then we'd have to start cleanup.  Well, my reception timeline has the last dance ending around 8:45, so that sounds good to me.  So I guess we can keep the church space for the reception.  Now we just have to convince FMIL that 90 seats is really all she needs for her guests - not 125.

    As for my mom, the doctor told her that she has the heart of a 20-year-old, lol.  She has really bad reflux and an infection.  They are giving her some reflux medicine and an antibiotic and sending her home.  She has to have a follow-up visit with her primary care doctor, but she should be fine!  :D
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  • GJones27GJones27 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Amanda, I'm sooooo sorry to hear about this.  I just saw this today.  First, I hope your mom gets better and they figure out what is wrong with her.  That is the most important thing.  I hope it wasn't stressed-induced by your FMIL!

    I think your FMIL is crazy for doing that.  I feel like she was being dishonest.  Are most of those people from in town?  If it helps, I only had a 50% acceptance rate for my wedding, but many people came from out of town including abroad.  I even had about 10 no-shows at a wedding with 110 people to come.  I'm hoping you'll have similar luck.  Did you send out save-the-dates already?

    Thinking about you!
  • edited December 2011
    We skipped save-the-dates, instead we are sending out the invitiations themselves at the 3-month mark.  I sent a long e-mail to FMIL explaining why I think 400+ people is an unreasonable number for her to invite.  We'll see how she responds.

    My mom is doing better.  You can see above, I posted what they found out she had.  And no, she did not get stressed about FMIL.  I kept it from her until she was basically about to be discharged so she WOULDN'T stress about it.
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  • mrandmrsbristmrandmrsbrist member
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    Sooo glad to hear that. You seem a lot more calm about it now. Your FI is a pretty awesome dude for handling his mother. :)
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  • iamjoesgurliamjoesgurl member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    First, I'm so glad to hear that your mom is okay and that they have given her a diagnosis and meds.  After all, if she wasn't okay, none of the rest of this matters, right?

    Second, I'm sorry that you are dealing with FMIL's control freakishness but I'm glad that some things are starting to work out.  I don't understand why some mothers insist on inviting everyone they know.  I mean, seriously, how many of these people will actually really care to be invited if they don't know your FI.

    Very early on in our planning I explained to my mom that this was my wedding and we would be inviting the people that we wanted to be there.  I asked DH to tell his mom the same.  Fortunately neither of them tried to take control of any aspect of our wedding and we were very blessed by not having to deal with that.  

    I really hope (and will be praying) that FMIL comes to her senses and instead of trying to control everything, just tries to be happy that her son has found his one true love.  And I hope that you are able to continue with your planning mostly stress free.

    **hugs**
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  • edited December 2011
    You guys really are an awesome support system.  Without you ladies, I would be completely freaking out right now.  I am freaking out a little bit.  FFIL took FI aside a few minutes ago and said he wanted to talk to him.  I'm not sure what's going on, but I'm guessing FMIL read my e-mail and didn't take it well.  I have a pit in my stomach.  Ugh.  I wish weddings didn't have to be so stressful!  Why all the drama?
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  • GJones27GJones27 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_need-lots-of-prayer?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:b5a4965b-f7fe-487c-9446-4b47b6eee3ffPost:b50f1f31-aae4-40f4-b2cd-73cc5e2ec59f">Re: Need lots of prayer.</a>:
    [QUOTE]We skipped save-the-dates, instead we are sending out the invitiations themselves at the 3-month mark.  I sent a long e-mail to FMIL explaining why I think 400+ people is an unreasonable number for her to invite.  We'll see how she responds. My mom is doing better.  You can see above, I posted what they found out she had.  And no, she did not get stressed about FMIL.  I kept it from her until she was basically about to be discharged so she WOULDN'T stress about it.
    Posted by sessionswedding[/QUOTE]

    <div>Glad to read that!  Reflux is awful.  I have it all the time because of my gastritis, and if I weren't 26, I'd probably also think it was a problem with my heart.  At least they have some good meds for the short term for it!</div>
  • FaithCaitlinFaithCaitlin member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Glad to hear the update on your mom! I will be praying!

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  • edited December 2011
    So FMIL and I have been e-mailing back and forth since last night.  I think she's finally not mad at FI and I and is being more rational about things, but she still wants 100 more invites in addition to the 75-90 I told her she could have.  *facepalm*

    Apparently, FMIL not only DOESN'T think it's rude to invite people who aren't coming just to get gifts, she thinks it's acceptable and rude NOT to!  We are never gonna see eye to eye on that one, so I'm not sure how to tell her "no, I will not let you have 100 extra invitations so you can be rude on my behalf."  She also thinks it's OK to have less seats at the reception than there are people, and is therefore fine with running the risk of a high percentage rate of acceptances on these invites.  I, on the other hand, want to make sure that everyone has a place to sit.  So I have to figure out how to tell her "no, I will not let you invite 400 people to fill 125 spots and run the risk of having guests with no seats because you were fishing for gifts."

    *sigh* Heaven help me.
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