Mother In Law From Hell?

Alongsine · June 2012

HELP ME. So my Soon to be mother in law is psycho. My FI has chosen to cut his family out for a reason that I dont even know and His Mom keeps out of the blue bashing on me and trying to blame Everything on me. The only thing Ive ever done is try to create a relationship with her and be as nice as possible and all she does is yell and cause drama with me and blame every choice my FI decides on me.

I want a relationship with her because obviously me and my FI are getting married next year and I DONT want my wedding to turn into a huge fight fest.

Ideas? Suggestions? Advice? Please Help!!!!

rmp4996 · June 2012

That's tough.....this is probably a stupid question but have you tried to sit down and talk with her, just the two of you, to find out why she is acting this way? Maybe it's some underlying issue she has. If that doesn't/didn't work, for the sake of your wedding, if it was me, I'd probably try to bite my tongue (except privately to friends or FI) and not fight back with her so hopefully you can get through the wedding drama free.

Alongsine · June 2012

He just ignores everyone. And everyone calls and emails me asking why Aj wont return their calls and why Im not forcing him to call anyone back. He loves his family but when we first got engaged, he never told anyone of his family and they found out via facebook. I had NO IDEA. I told my whole family and then started posting stuff on facebook. The bashing on ME not my FI got soooo bad that I had to block everyone from my facebook, emails, and phone. My FI's way of dealing with the problems is by ignoring them. My FI's grandmother asked me to create a relationship with his mom because shes going through a "Hard Time"... So i emailed her the info for our get together and tried making friends with her and she sent this long message about how its basically my fault that she doesnt want a relationship with me and its my fault that my FI doesnt want anything to do with his family...

The email was so bad that I was embarassed to even tell my FI about the email. Im still just so shocked and she WANTS an email back...

runpipparun · June 2012

Oh, Facebook.

My fiance has cut his family off, too. But they were the antagonizers when we told them we were getting married. Things got nutty. It's much better not to hear from them. We'll try talking again in a month or two when they've calmed down. And yes, we unFriended his mom and sister. His mom insists on trying to parent her adult children via tagged posts.

BUT

I feel like we're missing information.

WHY, God, WHY did you not ask him if he'd contacted his family before posting it on Facebook?
How long have you been with him?
Have you met these people before?
How long has he had them cut off?
Why has he never explained this to you, and you need to get this EXPLAINED.

Alongsine · June 2012

WHY, God, WHY did you not ask him if he'd contacted his family before posting it on Facebook? I assumed when I shouldnt have. Why wouldnt you tell your family about getting married??

How long have you been with him? About a year

Have you met these people before? Most of them Yes.

How long has he had them cut off? Almost 3 -4 Months

Why has he never explained this to you, and you need to get this EXPLAINED. He said that he wont deal with the drama.

runpipparun · June 2012

So he cut them off BEFORE you got engaged?

runpipparun · June 2012

(PS - Most people who are close to you prefer not to hear news like this via Facebook, along with all the randoms in your life.)

iloveu4ever · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2013-weddings_mother-in-law-from-hell?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:f30b0bfc-508d-415c-bf59-ab83e327da37Discussion:9de78a2b-d023-4f84-9d21-81636d03d77ePost:370cc780-c3c3-465d-8bf6-f2b5757fc1b6">Re: Mother In Law From Hell?</a>:
[QUOTE]That's tough.....this is probably a stupid question but have you tried to sit down and talk with her, just the two of you, to find out why she is acting this way? Maybe it's some underlying issue she has. If that doesn't/didn't work, for the sake of your wedding, if it was me, I'd probably try to bite my tongue (except privately to friends or FI) and not fight back with her so hopefully you can get through the wedding drama free.
Posted by rmp4996[/QUOTE]

My fiance mom is like that too. Like the wedding should be in Dodge Center. But we want it outside.

ashlidie · June 2012

This is a toughie!

OK my inexpereinced opinion (haha) is that you should email her back with FEW words. Something along the lines of you really do care about having a relationship with her and hope that you will be able to come across this hurdle. Don't bash back, or get all defensive because then she will just do the same. If you want to explain yourself, say very nicely that you have no desire whatsoever to put a wedge between your FI and his family but you are frustrated because so much gets interpreted as your doing when in fact your FI makes his own decisions without your input or even informing you (for example that he hadn't told his family yet about the engagement). You could end on a good note saying you will try to get FI to stop ignoring them and that is the best you can do, that you don't want to have him upset with you though for pushing the issue either.

I agree with the above, I think FI should be able to talk to you about his family issues. I find it strange he hasnt yet, since you are the girl he wants to spend the rest of his life with. Unless he's secretly a billionaire with a red room of pain that he is waiting to show you after the vows and you sign an NDA ;-) (I hope you've read the book, reference to 50 shades of grey)

Basically, clearly the family hates being ignored (since FI is pissing them off) so I think no matter what you will always have to answer, but just be graceful and you might just have to get used to "Im so sorry you feel that way, that was never my intent."

Alongsine · June 2012

From one of my Bridesmaid's about the situation:

This woman has always been drama and it makes me sad. When amber's FI and I were born both our moms were real young. Andrew was never allowed to see extended family as kids and he was often "sheltered" from us. When he got older she finally gave up on him and "dumped him" on her mom, and he was raised by his grandma. She's always been so far apart from him and although I haven't seen her since we were kids, we recently became friends on facebook. Her profile is full of nothing but trashy pics of her drinking and it makes me sad, that that's the life she chose over taking care of her son.

Half the time I wanna tell her I understand her concerns and frustrations, but she needs to understand a few things herself and breathe for a second and realize how well her son has adapted in the adult world and he doesn't need to be told what's what. But even though I'm family I'm not gonna step into that fight cause its not my place. I know they say that mother in laws can be bitches, but it doesn't have to be true.

Its sad that amber wants to respect her future mother in law, and she won't see past her own nose and wants to blame the first person who isn't family. I've seen this couple nearly fall apart over the way his family has responded to their engagement.

Alls I can say over and over is that there are still people on his side of the family that are happy for you guys and don't let it stop you. Still be welcome to a relationship with his close family and let them know you want to stop "hurting" each other, you want them to be apart of it, but in turn you want to leave the fight at the door. Putting your FI in the middle of a warzone is just gonna break more ties and cause more heartache.

If they can't accept it, and your fi is set on leaving them behind then so be it.

Alongsine · June 2012

I let MY WHOLE FAMILY KNOW BEFORE ANYTHING WAS SAID ON FACEBOOK.

HIS family started adding me on facebook and we're acting hella two faced.

Its NOT MY JOB to let his family know anything.

And Im not going to listen to his grandmother anymore in trying to establish a relationship with my FI's Mom.

[Deleted User] · June 2012

I don't know because we don't know the entire story with everything that has happened every situation is different, but it sounds like you want to establish a relationship with his family, and they just want to hear from your fiance and for him to involve them. In my opinion he needs to fix things with his family before you can have a relationship with them. I could be completley wrong, and I really do hope everything works out.

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