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Chit Chat
Can I look like I have it all together?
I wrote this post on the nest but i think i'm going to write it here and see what I get.
So i'm getting married in August. I want to be a great wife but I don't want to spoil my future husband by doing everything for him around the house. Suggestions? Also, I want to be a married woman who looks like she has it all together so any suggestions/advice on that? Thanks in advance!
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Re: Can I look like I have it all together?
Secondly, you are not getting married to serve him, nor him for you. You work together as a team. If you feel like you are pulling more than your fair share of the weight (IE spoiling him), then have an open conversation about it. Some women like doing a lot more for their husbands than others. Not one way is right over another, it's just constant communication making sure you're being respectful of each other.
[QUOTE]I wrote this post on the nest but i think i'm going to write it here and see what I get. So i'm getting married in August. I want to be a great wife but I don't want to spoil my future husband by doing everything for him around the house. Suggestions? Also, I want to be a married woman who looks like she has it all together so any suggestions/advice on that? Thanks in advance!
Posted by Tigersbballgal[/QUOTE]
I don't even know what your question really means? A great wife doesn't = housework. I haven't done my own laundry in 3 years. My partner does it. Does that mean I'm not a great wife?
Websites/blogs where our wedding has been featured:
http://www.dapperq.com/2013/11/a-very-dapper-wedding/
http://www.onabicyclebuiltfortwo.com/2013/10/wedding-christina-g.html
http://4realequalityweddings.com/2014/05/16/g-christina/
[QUOTE]Sorry didn't mean to offend anyone. I guess I didn't think before I wrote this.
Posted by Tigersbballgal[/QUOTE]
I'm not offended, I just don't even know what you are trying to ask. And I second what Cwag asked. How old are you?
Websites/blogs where our wedding has been featured:
http://www.dapperq.com/2013/11/a-very-dapper-wedding/
http://www.onabicyclebuiltfortwo.com/2013/10/wedding-christina-g.html
http://4realequalityweddings.com/2014/05/16/g-christina/
In my culture, (traditionally speaking) the wife, had to take care of the kids and Husband, cook, & clean, all by herself because a husband is too much of a "Man" to help mop and scrub toilets. This is what is called a "Macho" (ugh, the word makes me gag). Sadly, my SIL lives this lifestyle because it's what she was taught but to me, it's not right.
In my home, we "share" all tasks. When I cook, he cleans the kitchen, I dust, he vaccuum's, etc. etc. It's teamwork. My way of spoiling is cooking a nice dinner once a week.
Not to try to be funny, but I would seriously laugh at my FI if he expected me to do all the housework. As a matter of fact, since its his day off today, he has been at home cleaning all morning. All I have to do when I get home is do some laundry for him (we just got a new washer & dryer & he hasnt figured out how to use it yet). Being a wife isnt about being a maid, and a marriage isnt about expecting things like this from the other person. You have to work as a team to get things done.
As far as looking like you have it all together, thats just not possible. Nobody has it all together. As long as you have each other & your happy, that should be enough. I have a vinyl quote on my wall that says "we may not have it all together, but together we have it all." I really do try to live by that. Dont kid yourself and try to make it seem like you have it all together when in reality, you really dont. Your going to stress yourself out trying to make it look like everything is dandy. I also think that if you want to "look like you have it all together" for appearences, thats stupid. Who cares what people think. All Im saying is, its realistic to think that you have it all together. Its just not. Do the best you can do at whatever it is and that should be enough.
As for looking like you have it all together, don't worry about it. The goal is to be a good team and be happy. If you are, you'll totally look like you have it together. Good luck.
[QUOTE]I don't think that you have to do all the housework to be a good wife. I guess I just didn't put my thoughts down correctly.
Posted by Tigersbballgal[/QUOTE]
We share everything. My partner cooks, I clean the kitchen. I clean the bathroom, my partner picks up the dog poop. Etc. etc. These are discussions you should be having before you move in together, in my opinion.
Websites/blogs where our wedding has been featured:
http://www.dapperq.com/2013/11/a-very-dapper-wedding/
http://www.onabicyclebuiltfortwo.com/2013/10/wedding-christina-g.html
http://4realequalityweddings.com/2014/05/16/g-christina/
I agree with cmgilpin. Instead of dropping hints about responsibilities, have a real discussion about them before you get married.
We spoil each other by doing little things for each other. For us, that somtimes means understanding that a long day means a less elaborate dinner, or that the towels go unfolded in the dryer because he doesn't want to stand up and make the cat sleeping in his lap move. It's not caring that DH wants to find a old model TV for retro video games or that I bought new heels because closed toe and peep toe pumps are not the same thing. It works for us, but again, it's also something we talk about.
Now for H and I, I don't mind doing most of the housework because 1) I know it will get done if I do it and 2) H is not the best at cleaning LOL! But that does not mean that H sits around with his finger up his butt. We both work full time jobs so when we get home we split tasks up.
You and your H need to decide what works best for the both of you. Everyone's relationship and marriage is different. You both just need to be open and be able to communicate.
In our home it's like this:
Laundry: I mostly do the laundry. Although he knows how, I hate how he does it. DH is one that throws towels, white and colors in the washer at the same time. Drives me crazy. Folding? Yeah, he doesn't really do that very well either. Nor does he care. So I just do it myself. I also work from home, so it's easier for me. Seems silly not to do laundry when I'm right here just so I don't spoil him.
Cooking/dishes: He does most of the cooking. He is horrible about washing dishes. When he actually does them he thinks he should get a gold star or something. He would be completely happy using disposable every day I allowed him. But since he does cook most of the time, it's fair I clean up.
Cleaning: I do the organization and straightening. DH LOVES to use dusters/mops/brooms and vacuums. He doesn't do it as often as I would like, he definitely does all that stuff. I'm the one who cleans the bathroom.
Garage: DH's job.
We live in a condo so no outside work. But I'm the handy man of the couple. I put up shelves, fix things, etc. That is not one of his strengths.
Basically we both have strengths and weaknesses and work spilt things up based on those. We spoil each other by picking up the other's 'slack' when life or work gets in the way.
[QUOTE]In our home it's like this: Laundry: I mostly do the laundry. Although he knows how, I hate how he does it. DH is one that throws towels, white and colors in the washer at the same time. Drives me crazy. Folding? Yeah, he doesn't really do that very well either. Nor does he care. So I just do it myself. I also work from home, so it's easier for me. Seems silly not to do laundry when I'm right here just so I don't spoil him. Cooking/dishes: He does most of the cooking. He is horrible about washing dishes. When he actually does them he thinks he should get a gold star or something. He would be completely happy using disposable every day I allowed him. But since he does cook most of the time, it's fair I clean up. Cleaning: I do the organization and straightening. DH LOVES to use dusters/mops/brooms and vacuums. He doesn't do it as often as I would like, he definitely does all that stuff. I'm the one who cleans the bathroom. Garage: DH's job. We live in a condo so no outside work. <strong>But I'm the handy man of the couple. I put up shelves, fix things, etc. That is not one of his strengths.</strong> Basically we both have strengths and weaknesses and work spilt things up based on those. We spoil each other by picking up the other's 'slack' when life or work gets in the way.
Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]
We are the same way. FI is awful with any sort of tools or anything, so I hang up almost everything & put together stuff also. I am the one that hooked up the washer & dryer, and even hooked up the indoor dryer vent. He just stood there. I always say, if you want something done right, better do it yourself.
My H does the dishes, takes out the trash, and washes the car. Sometimes he does laundry.
We kind of share cooking, but I do all of the meal planning. I do everything else.
We both have full-time jobs, so for us it isn't a matter of fairness, but time. He teaches, so he gets home around 3:30, but I'm just taking my "lunch" at 4. The dishes wouldn't get done until the next day if I had to do them, and we would eat fast food every night if he had to plan dinners. He is so tired after work that he just wants to relax, but I have time to get a lot done before I go in. We have a good balance for us, you just have to discuss together what will work for you.
We also split up chores based on our preferences. H absolutely loves to cook, so he is in charge of the food in the house. I don't mind vacuuming, swiffering, and dusting so I do that. We both do laundry-whoever is around when it needs done. H does the mowing, cleans the bathrooms and snow removal in the winter. He also takes out the trash. In the summer, we evenly split the yardwork because we both enjoy doing it together.
It's all about compromise and one person should not become the other's servant. You should get on the same page about this so there isn't resentment or arguments stemming from it down the line.
CPT & mama to 9 kids, one SIL & a grandbaby girl!